Sorry everyone, didn’t mean to JackAstro* my preview.
Minute Maid Park
Aphter the Good Guys toook 2 out oph the 3 phrom the goddamn Cubs, the new look Phillies come to town. This series is a reunion oph sorts, bringing phormer 9th inning mainstay Brad Lidge and super utility man Eric Bruntlett back to Minute Maid phor the phirst time.
Thursday, May 22nd, 7:05 – PHSN (HD)
Phriday, May 23rd, 7:05 – PHSN (HD)
Saturday May 24th, 6:05 – PHSN (HD)
Sunday May 25th 1:05 – my-20 “HD”
Probable Match-ups phrom Astros.com
Kyle Kendrick (3-2, 4.76) vs. Roy Oswalt (4-4, 5.43)
Kendrick’s last start was an inning phollowed by a 2+ hour rain delay that ended his evening. Oswalt got rocked his last start, and hasn’t been completely himselph this season.
Current Astros are hitting .194 against Kendrick in 31 ABs, with Michael Bourn (2-3, HR) being the only real highlight.
The Phillies have seen a lot oph RoyO, hitting .311 in 193 at bats. Geophph Jenkins(18-51, 2 HR), Pedro Pheliz (12-28, 2 HR), and Sooooo Taguchi (4-9) all have smacked Roy around pretty good. The rest oph the Phillies pretty much suck against him.
Adam Eaton (0-2, 5.59) vs. Brandon Backe (3-5, 4.58)
Adam Eaton has gotten shelled so phar this year. 30 earned runs and 52 hits in 48 innings usually leads to a losing record. Backe was great, then horrible, and has settled in to a decent rhythm in his last phew starts.
Eaton has held current Astros to a .276 average, with Twinkie (4-15, HR), Mark Loretta (3-11, HR), and Tejada (3-10, HR) with the most ABs/success against him.
Brandon has been smoked to the tune oph a .410 average in limited starts, with Geophph Jenkins (4-9) leading the charge. A ton oph guys have 2 hits in 4 or 5 appearances against him. Between Eaton sucking and Backe’s lack oph success getting the PHillies out, this one could be a shootout with the eventual winner kicking a late phield goal to seal it.
Brett Myers (2-5, 5.76) vs. Brian Moehler (1-1, 4.76)
Myers has been pretty awphul this year, as his record and ERA demonstrate. Brian has been servicable as the emergency starter. You can’t ask phor much more phrom a back oph the bullpen guy thrown in to the phire.
Myers has had reasonable success against the Astros, with Wiggy (8-20, 4 doubles 1HR) and Kaz Matsui (6-20) doing the most damage against him. The Puma (2-17) has sucked pretty badly against Brett.
Moehler has gotten rocked by the Phils. I won’t even get in to the numbers… It’s REALLY ugly. Come on 5 innings with 3 or less runs!
TBA vs. Chris Sampson (3-3, 5.91)
TBA is a son oph a bitch. Sampson has put together a couple oph really good starts lately aphter speculation was that he might be done.
TBA owns the Astros. He can go phuck himselph.
Sampson has limited appearances against the Phils, and they have knocked him around pretty good. They’re batting .333 against him, with Jimmy Rollins (4-9, 3B 2HR)leading the assault.
Thursday – Sports Bottles (ohhh, vague!)
Phriday – Biggio Mini Helmets. These things actually look pretty phreakin sweet
Saturday – Oswalt Bobbleheads. Now looking 100% less like Roy Oswalt.
Sunday – Second in the series oph Interlocking Bobbleheads, The Bagwell Interlocking Bobblehead. Seriously… Does the company that makes these things only employ the visually impaired? That looks about as much like Jephph Bagwell as I look like Milo Hamilton.
Injury Report –
Phillies – Chris Snelling has an inphlamed lepht knee (15 day DL). Thats about it.
Astros – Paulino is still hurt. Wandy is getting better. Geary is still groined. Wiggy is back, and hopephully pheeling better aphter a day or two ophph.
Our Things To Look PHor
- Me being a slapdick and not realizing I had the Phillies series. Son oph a bitch.
- You just know that the phormer Astros are going to either come back and bite the Good Guys in the ass, or Brad Lidge is going to colossally phlame out and the sports media in Houston/Philly will completely phlip the phuck out about it.
- There are some seriously ugly ERAs up in the matchup this series. Wow, talk about some sub-par starting pitching.
- PHUCK THE PHILLIES!
Prediction – Astros split the series, with Lidge saving two and blowing one. Aphter each save, Lidge is quoted as saying the game was “Phucking huge!”.
*Dephinition: JackAstro (verb) – To JackAstro: To mail it in, aphter your deadline. “Man, I JackAstroed that preview!”