Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Astros 5
Baby Bears 3
W: CHACON! (1-0) | L: Gallagher (1-1) | S: Valverde (14)
Footer Recap
AP via Yahoo!
Game Zone
The victorious pitcher, shown at actual size
Shawn Chacon broke his MLB record streak of nine consecutive no-decisions to open a season Wednesday night, going 7 strong to send the Scrubs packing with the series loss. Good fucking riddance to them and their legions of shirtfans that infest the ballpark with their asshattery every time the WGN circus rolls through town. You can all go back into whatever hole you crawled out of, and resume your quiet self-loathing while you sob and rub gravy on your pasty, hirsute fat rolls. It’s not your imagination, everyone really does hate you.
The game started badly for our protagonist, as Chacon gave up three in the first inning, sprinkling a walk, a homer and a pair of doubles in with the first two outs. The imminent craptastrophe was averted, however, when a very curious thing happened – he suddenly settled in and pitched six and a third of scoreless, 2-hit ball. Go fucking figure.
For a change, Chacon didn’t need to wait long for the cavalry, as the Good Guys hung a big crooked number on Gallagher in the third. Bourn got it rolling with a single to right, then took what is rightfully his stole second, before Kaz pushed him to third with another single. The Bus drove the first run home with yet another single, leaving him and Kaz on the corners with one down after a Twinkie strikeout. Then El Kabong delivered the heavy damage, crushing a Gallagher watermelon into the boxes with his 34 oz sledgomatic, as the tarped, poncho’d masses rejoiced greatly in the amusment. 4-3 Astros.
In the fifth, Maybelline took a base the hard way, catching a Gallagher offering in the ribs. Shaking off any ill effects, he got a jump on Gallagher so big that he was more or less on second by the time the ball reached the catcher, his ninth steal in ten tries. Blum knocked him in with a single to right, ending Gallagher’s night, and putting a bow on the scoring for the game.
The home nine flashed a bit of the leather in the late innings, and the Brocail / Joe Ponché tandem nailed it down tight for Chacon in the final two frames. The win brings the club to 6 over .500, a game and a half off the division lead, with the Phils heading in for a 4 game set. Go get ’em.