Astros (12-14) vs Diamondbacks (18-7)
Chase Field
Monday, April 28, 8:40 p.m. CST FSN-HD
Tuesday, April 29, 8:40 p.m. CST FSN
Wednesday April 30, 2:40 p.m. CST FSN-HD
After a 6 game winning streak, the Astros have dropped their last two (fuck the Jakes), so a change of scenery could do them some good. So its off to Arizona, the home of the Diamondbacks, the leaders in the NL West. This series will be the first time that Berkman is reunited with his long-time man love, Chris Burke, who was traded with Quall’s Balls and Gutierrez to Arizona for Ponche. Expect an extended makeout session at 1B if Burke gets on base, in fact he may pull up at first on what should be a double, just to have some much needed alone time with Lance. Of course, since Burke is batting .143 for the season, and only .059 against the Astros pitchers he has faced, the chance for liplock may never materialize.
Projected matchups for the series:
Chris Sampson, RHP, 1-2 (6.38) vs Dan Haren, RHP, 3-1, (3.33)
No one on the Diamondbacks has more than 6 career AB vs. Sampson, let’s hope that favors the pitcher instead of the hitters. Chad Tracy is 3-3 with 3 doubles against Chris, but his ass (oops–donkey, sorry BG) is on the DL, thank the BBG’s. Haren had 4 straight quality starts until his last one against the Dodgers, when he only went 4.2 innings, giving up 9 hits and 6 runs. Miggy has the most AB against Haren among active Astros, with a .313 career average against him.
Jack Cassel, RHP, 1-0 (5.40) vs Edgar Gonzalez, RHP, 1-1 (4.66)
Both Cassel and Gonzalez picked up their first win of the season in their last starts–giving up 7 hits and 3 earned runs each–coincidence? Who the hell knows? Cassel has never faced anyone on the D-backs roster, while Gonzalez has faced no one on the Astros more than 7 times, so the pitchers may have the upper hand in the early innings. Gonzalez has yet to go more than 6 innings in a game this year, let’s hope the Good Guys continue that trend by knocking him around early.
Shawn Chacon, RHP, 0-0 (2.45) vs Randy Johnson, LHP, 1-1 (2.70)
Shawn has had some excellent pitching performances this season with no wins to show for it. His ERA of 2.45 leads the Astros and places him in the top 13 in the major leagues (as of Sunday afternoon). Johnson has had some back pain this year, but an MRI last week found nothing negative, and he won his last start giving up 3 earned runs in 6 innings. Tejada and Matsui have had good success against Johnson, hitting .345 and .375 respectively, each with a HR against him. Don’t expect Loretta to play against him, he has 14 K’s and sports a .146 average against the Big Eunuch.
Sitting on the Bench:
Astros: Wandy is resting a pulled groin and will pitch a simulated game in Arizona on Monday. Wigginton still has a broken finger but will start a rehab assignment in Round Rock on Monday, and is expected to be back with the team against the Brewers. Paulino has pinchy nerves.
Diamondbacks: Doug Davis had thyroid cancer surgery on April 9, but has already taken batting practice with his teammates, and hopes to be back on May 9–the guy has got some big cajones. Chad Tracy has a bum knee and isn’t expected to play this series.
Thoughts on the D-backs
The past few weeks, it has been easy to despise the teams we have played. Phuck the Phillies, fuck the Co-ards, screw the Reds. Easy. It’s hard for me to hate the Diamondbacks. After 3 straight World Series wins by the Yankees from 1998-2000, in 2001 it appeared that the Yanks would win another title, but the pesky little snakes would come through in one of the most exciting Fall Classics I have witnessed.
Only seven weeks after the attacks on the WTC, the Yanks were the sentimental favorite to win the Series for most Americans. I, however, would rather eat live worms than watch the Pinstripes win another one. After the Diamondbacks put up a 2-0 series lead, the Yanks came back with 3 straight wins to pull within one game of the championship. In game 6, the snakes rocked Pettite for 6 runs in two innings and Jay Witasick for 9 more, giving Johnson a 15-2 win to send the series to a deciding seventh game.
It was set up to be an instant classic: Clemens vs Schilling, a matchup for the ages. With the Yanks leading 2-1 in the eighth, Torre brought in Mariano Rivera for a chance at a 2 inning save. In the bottom of the eighth, after striking out the side, Rivera looked invincible. In the ninth, he was anything but. Grace singled. Rivera made a terrible throw on a bunt attempt by Damian Miller, putting men on 1st and 2nd. After a FC erased the runner going to third, Tony Womack doubled down the right field line to tie the game and blow the save for Rivera. Up next, the unlikely hero in the form of Luis Gonzales, a former Astro. His bloop hit just over the reach of Derek “I’m better than you are” Jeter sealed the win and started a dry spell of World Series wins for the Yanks that continues to this day.
Of course, the only remaining player from that team is the Big Johnson, an ex-Astro who broke many Houston fans’ hearts by not re-signing with the team after a rather generous offer following the 1998 season. So, fuck the Johnson and Go Astros!