Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Astros 9
Padres 6
W: Valverde (1-0) | L: Hoffman (0-1)
(Editor’s note: It’s a west coast game! Again! I have coffee and a goal of 1,000 words! A lot of coffee! GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!!!)
It took exactly 3 games before we all got to see exactly what we’ve been expecting out of this season. Namely, uneven pitching, a scary lineup, and a close, high-scoring game. Let’s go straight to the tape…
With arch-nemesis and aging matriarch Greg Maddux on the hill, Thunderpants rapped one 400 feet to the bottom of the wall in left center to get things going with a one-out double in the 1st. Twinkie followed with a sharp comebacker to the mound that Maddux fielded cleanly, catching Spaz hung up between 2nd and 3rd. The ensuing rundown was kinda messy, giving Berkman the chance to take 2nd with two down. This proved damaging for the Friars, as Flapjack followed with a grounder to Kouz that he skipped across the infield like I used to skim frisbees down my driveway. Maybelline scored easily, giving the Good Guys their first lead of the young season at 1-0.
Coop gave Blum the nod at 2B tonight, and he responded by cranking a 1-1 hanger over the wall in right to open the 2nd inning. (The way I see it, the Astros are a owed a few more of those before we can call everything square.) Private Pyle joined in and absolutely destroyed Maddux’s 3-2 offering, bouncing it off the third deck on the side of the building in left. Suddenly, the cup runneth over.
Wandy kept the Pads quiet in the 1st, but the fireworks from the top half of the 2nd carried over into the bottom of the frame, as Hairston launched another one out of Petco Canaveral to get a run back. After a Greene ponche, the Sandy Vagina walked ahead of a Huber single, putting runners on the corners. The Sniveling Uptight Woman was not up to the task of bunting Huber over, and K’ed horribly on a nice curve, but Giles plated Barrett on a single up the middle to bring it to 3-2 before Wandy coaxed a flyout to end it.
In the middle of the 3rd, we learned that Bork’s favorite high school memories are extra-curricular activities, but only somewhat more so than attending class. He is hiding something.
The Pads picked up right where they left off in the bottom of the 3rd, opening with a Kouzmanoff single in front of Gonzalez, who hit one eleventy billion feet into right center for a 4-3 lead. This marked the official and inauspicious return of the Wandy Rodriguez Road ERA, a signature of 2007. Let’s just whistle past the graveyard and assume it’s only a temporary aberration. There was more traffic in the inning, but the threat was extinguished on a nice playing by Tejada breaking in on a slow grounder, with a great snowcone pick on the other end by Berkman.
Things settled down a bit after that, and with the exception of the Friars diving all over the field and robbing hits, it was all quiet until Flapjack broke the silence with a thunderous bellyflop for what turned out to be a Gonzalez double. Wandy pitched around it though, so no harm, no foul. Except, of course, to the field, which now features a crater that can be seen from space.
After enduring an impact that would liquify a lesser man’s internal organs, The Caballo showed that there were no lingering effects by teeing off on Maddux to open the 6th with a solo smokey to deep center, knotting it up at 4 all. With 2 down, Wigginton looked to pad the slugging percentage, sending another one way out into left center, but Huber made a nice running catch at the wall to rob Ty of extra bases and end the inning.
Bork came in for Wandy in the bottom of the 6th, and was in trouble right from the start, as Barrett and McAnulty (batting for Huber) opened with a pair of singles to left. Clark pinch hit for Maddux and grounded into a 6-3 double play that pushed Barrett over to 3rd, before getting plated by a sharp Giles single past Ty for a 5-4 lead. Iguchi got Giles to 3rd on another single before the inning ended on a little bucket catch by Twinkie on a Kouzmanoff flare.
The ‘Stros couldn’t get much going against Thatcher in the top of the 7th, but Geary answered with a perfect bottom half. (Speaking of perfect bottom halves, I like the direction the conversation has been heading in the TZ late today.)
Fat Elvis lead off the 8th with a very nice AB, coming back from 0-2 to lace a double into right center. JD noted that he’s already surpassed his extra-base total from April of 2007, so that’s nice. Lee grounded out hard to Greene, but Berkman grabbed a handful of seeds and got himself ready to take matters in to his own feet. With Tejada at the dish, Puma bolted for 3rd like a fluffy comet sporting a majestic tail of foodstuffs and snack debris, catching Sandy off-guard and fumbling for the ball. Miguel obliged with a sac fly, knotting it back at 5.
In the bottom of the frame, Coop went to his new closer in a double switch that put Perez in at second. Barrett and Gerut singled around a McAnulty out, putting runners on the corners with 1 down. Giles plated the go ahead run again, this time pushing Barrett across on a sac fly to center. Gerut swiped second while Towles got the ball hung up in his mitt, but Iguchi grounded to short to end the frame with the Pads up 6-5.
Hoffman came on to wrap this one up, and it looked for all the world to be an easy save, getting Wigginton and Towles quickly. Cheito came in as the last hope, pinch hitting for Perez, and battled Hoffman to a huge walk for the second straight night. Next up was Bourn, who ended his 0-fer game with a sharp single through right side in front of Cruz, Jr., who stopped at 2nd. With momentum building, Gunther stepped in and ripped a shot the other way that just skimmed off the glove of Gonzalez into right field, bringing Cheito home and tying the game at 6. Calamity ensues, but we’re not done yet.
With the Hoffman’s wheels coming loose, Lance removed the last lug nuts and sent the Padres crashing into a ditch, unloading an absolutely mammoth bomb to straightaway center to give the Good Guys a 9-6 lead they would not let go of. In one swing, El Vendo turned what could have been a full night of extra inning typing and an inevitable morning of bleary-eyed, sleep-deprived incompetence into the warm, intoxicating nightcap of regulation victory. As Valverde nailed down his own win, the Astros moved back to a game under .500 for the first time since April 1st, and your intrepid recapper moved a step closer to the sweet embrace of unconsciousness.
G’night MFers. Thanks, Lance. Sleep tight.