By Taras Bulba
Brewers (76-72) at Astros (65-84)
Monday, September 18th, 7:05pm CDT-FSN
Tuesday, September 19th, 7:05pm CDT-FSN
Wednesday, September 20th, 7:05pm CDT-FSN
The Brewers (them again) are in town and playing for something. They’re sitting one game back of the Cubs. The Astros are smack dabbed tied with Florida for the worst record in the NL. To riff on strosrays’ bizarre WWII analogies from the Pirates series, the Brewers are Zhukov’s Red Army and Minute Maid is Berlin, defended by a hapless cast of youths and old men from a Volkstrum unit. Or, something.
Projected Matchups
(http://houston.astros.mlb…ble_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou)
Monday
Yovani Gallardo, RHP (8-4, 3.99) v. Matt “Fat” Albers (4-8, 5.79)
Gallardo, the rookie semi-phenom and Mexican heartthrob has been pitching very well of late. Albers, according to my wife, looks “gay.” That’s all you need to know.
Tuesday
Ben Sheets, RHP (12-5, 3.78) v. Felipe Paulino (0-0, 11.25)
Oswalt was scratched from another showdown with Sheets in order to boil lots of water and fetch some clean linens for his wife’s delivery of their second child. He might even overhaul an F-250 if she doesn’t pop the young ‘un right out. Sheets hasn’t pitched well lately, but is benefiting from extra rest and anticipates a sound pasting of Houston. Paulino is a flame thrower and Cooper and the Astros brain trust have decided to see if he’s ready for The Show.
Wednesday
Dave Bush, RHP (11-10, 5.34) v. Juan Gutierrez, RHP (1-1, 6.10)
Bush is the Milwaukee version of Woody Williams, however, with better defense and run support behind him. Gutierrez has the arsenal but hasn’t been very effective at achieving command since being called up.
Swag
(http://houston.astros.mlb…e/promotions.jsp?c_id=hou)
Monday night you get dollar hot dogs and a “Biggio 3000 Hits Mini Bat.” You remember back when they used to have the real bat nights with actual bats? Trial lawyers drink single malt scotch and think wistfully of those wonderful days. Wednesday you get a “Bagwell Cap” in commemeration of the 2007 Traveling Horse Shit Show.
Injury Report
(http://milwaukee.brewers….team/injuries.jsp?c_id=is)
Claudio Vargas, Tony Graffanino, and Corey Koskie are done for the year and I don’t give a shit.
(http://houston.astros.mlb…team/injuries.jsp?c_id=is)
Adam Everett was activated in order to prove something or just to see how many asses can fit on the Houston bench. He’s asked for a cattle guard to be installed between him and Carlos Lee. Sampson’s season ended due to a tender elbow and feeling all weepy. Jason Jennings is sitting at home rehabbing his elbow and working with his Butt Blaster. Hector Gimenez’ labia is still torn—how long does it take for those things to heal, anyway?
This season has been a big shit sandwich and we’ve all taken a bite. From what appeared to be a contending team in the spring, it soon became evident that things might not go their way– say from the very first game and then getting swept at home right out of the gate by the goddamn Pirates. No need to replay it all here; you are too much aware of the hideousness of the 2007 campaign. Now, the pipes are being flushed; manager and general manager cashiered in the Afternoon of the Long Knives, and players aplenty hippity-hopping about to prove they belong on the big club in 2008. You’ll need your scorecards for the remainder of the season.
Believe it or not, I haven’t watched our hometown team a lot in the last several weeks. With college football, dove season, etc. in September, there’s a bevy of options to be had when your team goes to hell. This past weekend, I attended the Austin City Limits music festival. A few thoughts:
Very much enjoyed: Arcade Fire and The Killers. Both were very entertaining shows.
Liked: Pete Yorn, Crowded House, Kaiser Chiefs, Butch Walker, Trent Summar.
Okay: Spoon, Lucinda Williams, Bob Dylan. Whenever I think of Williams, the phrase “rode hard and put up wet” comes to mind. Dylan had a very tight band but he sings like Bob Dylan.
Completely Blew: Peter Bjorn and John, Manchester Orchestra, Arctic Monkeys. The young singer for Arctic Monkeys was drunk/stoned and seemed to find it wearisome to have the chance to play in front of a huge throng. I’d like to see him lay bricks for a couple of years and get his ass whipped a few times before being afforded another such opportunity.
Great Musicians in Search of a Clue: My Morning Jacket. Hope they find one.
Favorite Westerns (is this random, or what?):
The Searchers: for so many reasons, my favorite.
The Ford cavalry trilogy: Rio Grande, Fort Apache, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon.
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (Ford again).
Unforgiven
The Wild Bunch
Conagher: a role Sam Elliot was meant to play.
Hombre: in two scenes, Richard Boone steals the movie.
Lonesome Dove: yeah, a mini-series, but there you have it.
Barbarossa: “You been shit out of luck ever since you been born, ain’t you farm boy?”
There’s more but I didn’t sleep much last night. Watch the Astros throw a bunch of players onto the field against the Brewers. Otherwise, if you want to tell me I’m full of shit when it comes to rating bands and/or westerns, fire away. Don’t cost nothing.
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends