By MRaup
Minute Maid Park
Tuesday, September 11, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, September 12, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Thursday, September 13, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Projected Matchups from Astros.com
Tuesday
Jason Marquis (11-8, 4.13) v. Brandon Backe (0-1, 4.76)
There are few things that make me smile faster than a guy that sucked balls for the Cardinals last year going to another team and having a great year. Unfortunately, he went to another team I wouldn’t piss on if they were, collectively as a team, on fire. The real moral of the story here is… Fuck the Cubs.
Some of the Good Guys have knocked Jason around. Lance Berkman (19-34), Ty Wigginton (5-12), Jason Lane (6-18), and Carlos Lee (7-23) all have done pretty well. Bidge (11-43) has done all right against him. Everyone else sucks pretty horribly: Luuuuuke (4-18), Officer Brad (6-29), Berky (5-28), Lamb (3-18), Mark Loretta (2-14), OP (0-2), Munson (0-3), and Sluggo the Pitcher himself (0-2).
Backe continues his amazing comeback story, already being back in the bigs well ahead of schedule. His first start was pretty solid, and his velocity was higher than most expected it to be. He scuffled some, but thinking that he would be Game 5 of the 2004 NLCS sharp is probably unfair.
The Cubs haven’t had many looks at Brandon, and only a few guys have had any success against him. Cliff Floyd (2-5), Errormiss (4-11), Jason Kendall (1-3) and Mr. Marquis himself (2-3) are the only success stories. Derrek Lee (2-11), Soriano (2-14), and Heavy D (1-8) haven’t been able to get much going against him.
Wednesday
Rich Hill (8-8, 4.02) v. Troy Patton (0-2, 3.55)
Rich Hill started the season red hot, but has slowly slipped down to just above average recently. September has been the cruelest month for him, giving up eleven earned runs in just eleven innings in two starts so far. Before the month started, he sported a 3.68 ERA and an 8-7 record. Since, his ERA is up almost half a run and his win/loss has evened out at 8 each, and it should be 8-9, if not for a Chad Qualls meltdown in the 8th, giving up a 2 run dinger to DLee and giving the Cubs a lead. The real moral of the story here is… Fuck the Cubs.
In very limited numbers, Hunter Pence (1-1), Officer Brad (2-3), El Kabong (2-6), Wigginton (2-6) have all done well against Rich. SuperBrunt (1-6) isn’t awful. The following Astros all have some form of 0fer against him: Bidge, OP, Loretta, AE, Munson, Jason Lane, Burke, and Wandy.
Rookie Troy gets his 2nd start against the Cubbies. In his previous two, he’s given up 6 total runs in 11.2 innings, and somehow lost both games. He hasn’t looked amazingly sharp, and his breaking ball isn’t as filthy as advertised. However, he’s battled like a champ, and should’ve gotten wins in both of his starts so far.
The Cubbies have only seen Mr. Patton once, and it resulted in… 1 hit for the following: Derrek Lee, Errormiss, and Ryan Theriot. No hits for the rest of the Schlubs. How the fuck did Patton not get a win in this game?! Ahhh, Errormiss hit a two run shibby.
Thursday
Steve Trachsel (6-10, 4.78) v. Woody Williams (8-14, 4.93)
Oh boy. The human rain delay. Fuck, this game is going to last at least 6 hours. The moral of the story is… Fuck the Cubs.
The Astros have had pretty good success against Steve. Mike Lamb (4-8), Ty (2-4), Officer Brad (10-21), OP (4-13), Twinkie (3-10), and Bidge (16-54) have all done well against him. Loretta (8-28), Kabong (1-9), and Eric Munson (0-6) haven’t done much against him.
Old Man Williams takes the bump for the Good Guys. His ERA is on the south side of 5, and he hasn’t given up 3 or less earnies in 7 of his last 8 starts. There are some folks out there that should probably start ordering their crow however they prefer it, after all the squawking by some about how awful an acquisition Woody turned out being.
Bad news on the horizon, though. The Cubs have pounded Woody pretty good (Ahhh, that’s some good sexual innuendo). Fontenot (3-6), Jason Goddamn Kendall (18-38), Cliff Floyd (11-31), Derrek Lee (12-35), and Errormiss (14-45) all have knocked Woody around. Surprisingly, Soriano (3-18), Jacque Jones (2-13), Heavy D (3-21), Theriot (1-7), and Mark DeRosa (2-16) have all scuffled pretty badly against him.
Notable giveaways this series …
Tuesday is 9/11 Heroes Night.
Wednesday is the Biggio Cap Giveaway.
Thursday are Astros Luggage Tags.
Injury Report
Chicago –
The human oxymoron, Angel Pagan, resides on the 15 day DL for the Cubbies. No idea why, and really don’t care.
Houston –
Jason Jennings resides on the 60 day DL with a torn up elbow. Also on the 60 day is Hector Giminez, still nursing his torn labia. Steven Randolph resides on the 15 day DL along with Adam Everett.
Our Interesting Things To Look For
- After the hot reaming the Good Guys took from the Goddamn Fucking Mets, I’m sure just about anyone sounds like a better opponent. Talk about death by good baseball. Woof.
- It’s definitely going to be interesting to see what happens at the end of the season this year. I have my doubts that Coop is going to be able to hold on to the job, but it wouldn’t bother me at all if he did. He is definitely proving right now that the team sucking wasn’t completely Garner and Pupura’s fault, though. This team is pretty awful, no matter which way you slice it.
- Every time I finish writing a preview, I look at the archive of previews, open one of strosrays previews, and die a little bit more inside.
- I officially don’t hate Ryan Dempster anymore.
- I finally found out where Joshua Dicks!went after he left us.
- The moral of this preview is… Fuck the Cubs.
Discuss today’s game in the GameZone.