By Craig Elliott
I guess the face-shaped dent in the left-centerfield fence could be known as Carlos’ Grill. That was some faceplant by the Traitor. Fucking Mets.
The Astros are 3.5 games behind the Pet Shop Boys, while the Brewers, Rukakkies, and Snakes are fading a little. Philadelphia is 1.5 games behind San Diego and two games ahead of Houston, so here’s a great chance for the Astros to move up.
The Phillies just had back-to-back doubleheaders with the ATL, which they split. Both of them. Ryan Howard hit three homers in one game Sunday, raising his league-leading total to 52. Chase Utley and Pat Burrell each have 24 homers as well.
When:
Monday, September 4, 2:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, September 5, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, September 6, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
MLB Extra Innings – All three games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. I’m in the Fox Southwest home area this season, and lately I’ve been getting way too much of the fucking Rangers. Seems like every other Astros game is blocked by the Rangers now.
Where: Citizens Bank Park
This is the start of yet another three-city road trip, though it’s the last one of the year. Well, unless the Astros start the playoffs on the road.
Phillies fans get to run the bases after Monday’s game. And the players and coaches get to throw shit and boo.
Projected Matchups
Roger Clemens (6-4, 2.29) v. Cole Hamels (7-7, 4.50)
Roger got a no-decision in his last start after shutting out the Brewers for seven innings. He’s 2-0 in three career starts against the Phillies. Current Phillies are 20-for-73 against him, though half of those AB’s came from newly acquired Jeff Conine. He’s 9-for-36 (.250) with two doubles and two homers off Clemens. Jimmy Rollins is 4-for-8 against Roger, and Randall Simon is 3-for-6.
The Astros have never faced Hamels, who is a left-handed rookie. He came up in May and has pitched 100 innings for the Phillies this season. He’s won three of his last four decisions.
Andy Pettitte (13-13, 4.44) v. Randy Wolf (3-0, 5.30)
Pettitte went 4-2 in August and won his last two starts. He’s 2-2 in five lifetime appearances against the Phillies. Current Phillies are 14-for-68 against Andy, with a homer from Jimmy Rollins. Jeff Conine is 5-for-27 with five strikeouts against Pettitte, while Pat Burrell is 3-for-10.
Wolf has made seven starts since returning from Tommy John surgery. He’s been effective and has a 3-0 record, but he hasn’t been going deep into games. Biggio is 4-for-21 with two doubles against him, Berkman is 0-for-11, and Ensberg is 0-for-10.
Wandy Rodriguez (9-8, 5.43) v. TBA
Wandy lasted four innings in his last start and got a no-decision. He’s pitched one inning against the Phillies in his career, and given up one hit. Jeff Conine is 0-for-3 against Wandy, while Abraham Nunez and Jimmy Rollins are both 1-for-1.
A mystery Phillie will pitch this game. Probably someone from the Pharm system, though their AAA affiliate is in the playoffs.
Key injuries:
Houston – Fernando Nieve should be back this week.
Philadelphia – Aaron Rowand, Julio Santana, and Scott Mathieson are out.
Other shit
* All season it’s been bugging me. Whenever Morgan Ensberg got ball four and did the two-handed bat toss, it reminded me of something, but I couldn’t place it. Finally it hit me: it’s Mr. Douglas when he sings “The chores!” and throws out the pitchfork on the intro to Green Acres! Now every time Ensberg walks, I hear the theme song.
* Michael Barrett will miss 2-3 weeks after getting popped in the junk by a foul tip. It required surgery to stop the BLEEDING IN HIS SACK. The Cubs’ webpage says it’s officially called an “intrascrotal hematoma.”