By Craig Elliott
The Astros got a nasty cockpunch from the Reds, though a nice comeback Wednesday helped ease the swelling a little. Ouch. Meanwhile, the wildcard race is slipping away, despite every line-up Garner can pull out of his ass. Maybe a four-game set with the Pirates will help set things right.
The Pirates just took two of three in Atlanta. But they still have the worst record in the National League, and only Kansas City is worse in the majors. Jason Bay is leading the team in pretty much everything, including homers with 28.
When:
Thursday, August 24, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Friday, August 25, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, August 26, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, August 27, 12:35 p.m. CDT – FSN
MLB Extra Innings – Saturday’s game will be on Fox Southwest. All the others will be on the Pittsburgh feed.
Where: PNC Park
There will be fireworks after each of the first three games. And then during Sunday’s game, the Pirates will reveal the name of their new mascot. Here are a few suggestions:
* Pegleg Milo
* Derek Bell
* Ghost of Nancy Wilson
* Dreamboat Manny
Projected Matchups
Wandy Rodriguez (9-7, 5.37) v. Paul Maholm (5-10, 4.86)
Wandy was underwhelming in his last start, giving up four earned runs in 3+ innings against the Brewers. Wandy is 1-0 in two starts against the Pirates this year. Jason Bay is 5-for-9 against him, with two doubles and two homers. Ann Wilson is 3-for-7, and Dirty Freddy Sanchez is 3-for-5. Xavier Nady is 1-for-2 with a homer, while Jeromy Burnitz is only 1-for-13 (but the one hit was a homer).
Gollum is 0-for-2 against the Astros this year, with an ERA of 7.70. In 14 innings, he’s given up 20 hits, 13 walks, and 12 earned runs. One of those losses to Houston came a couple of weeks ago.
Current Astros are 16-for-46 (.348) against Maholm, with three homers. Biggio and Ensberg are both 2-for-4 against Maholm, with one homer for Ensberg and two for Bidge. Jason Lane is 2-for-2 against him, and Mike Lamb is 2-for-3.
Roger Clemens (5-4, 2.58) v. Victor Santos (5-8, 5.65)
Clemens has won his last three decisions, and is 4-1 since July 19. Roger is also 4-1 overall against the Pirates, including a win Aug. 10 when he went six innings and gave up one earned run.
Current Pirates are 39-for-149 (.262) agaisnt Roger, with eight walks, 37 strikeouts, and six homers. Burnitz is 9-for-28 (.321) with two doubles and two homers off Clemens, and Joe Randa is 12-for-44 (.273) with a triple and three homers. And 11 strikeouts. Dirty Sanchez is 3-for-8 with two doubles and a homer off Roger.
Santos is 1-2 against the Astros with an ERA of 10.69. The win was in late May when he pitched one inning of that fucking 18-inning game. He also pitched 3+ innings of relief against Houston a couple of weeks ago, giving up six hits and five earned runs.
The Astros have hit Santos well, going 22-for-63 (.349), with five homers. Aubrey Huff and Morgan Ensberg are both 3-for-7 against him, with Huff having a homer. Everett and Bidge are both 2-for-6, and Everett has a homer. Willy is 3-for-5, while Burke and Berkman are both 2-for-4 with a homer each. Luke Scott also has a homer off Santos.
Andy Pettitte (11-13, 4.51) v. Zach Duke (8-11, 4.94)
Amazingly, Pettitte hasn’t faced the Pirates this year. I thought that would be statistically impossible since the Astros play Pittsburgh every other series, but there it is. Overall, Andy is 5-1 against the Pirates.
Current Pirates are 34-for-120 (.283) against Pettitte, with only one homer (from Ann Wilson). Jason Bay is 6-for-10 with a triple against Andy, and Joe Randa is 13-for-36 (.361) with one double. Sanchez is 4-for-13 ( .308). Burnitz is 1-for-13 and Wilson is 3-for-16.
Duke is 0-2 against the Astros, with one of those losses coming in April. That was the only time he’s faced Houston this year. Jason Lane is 4-for-8 with a double and a homer off him, while Morgan Ensberg is 1-for-8 with a homer. Biggio is 4-for-6 with two doubles. Chris Burke is 0-for-4 with two strikeouts.
Jason Hirsh (1-2, 12.75) v. Shawn Chacon (6-4, 6.99)
Hirsh got the Big Red Ass in his last outing, giving up 10 runs to Cincinnati in less than three innings. He gave up five walks and nine hits, including two homers. He’s never faced the Pirates.
Chacon is 1-3 against the Astros, including a loss August 9 when he didn’t make it out of the second inning. Current Astros are 20-for-63 (.317) against Chacon, with homers from Biggio, Huff, and Bulldozin’ Roy Oswalt. Adam Everett is 1-for-3 with a double off him, while Berkman is 4-for-11 with two doubles.
Key injuries:
Houston – Brandon Backe and Fernando Nieve are out until sometime in September.
Pittsburgh – Jody Gerut is out for the season because his tit is still in a wringer. Starter Brian Bullington may also be out for the year. Josh Sharpless, Tom Gorzelanny, and Nate McLouth will also miss this series. John Van Benschoten is on a rehab assignment.
Other shit
* Lance Berkman is like the Reverse Barry Bonds. Instead of strutting when he homers, Berkman shines when he pops up. He’s starting to put on a show with the bat smashing, bat-flinging-in-disgust, and hanging his head dramatically.