By Craig Elliott
A sweep. A sweep by the goddamn dumbass Cubs. With Oswalt, Clemens, and Pettitte pitching at home. Every fan who stayed to the end of the 18-inning game should have won a year’s supply of LOBsters. Except for all those dipshits behind the Cubs dugout in the 18th inning. They can go blow goats or whatever it is that Cubs fans do in Houston.
The Astros are now five games behind the Dickities in the wildcard race, and looking up at most of the NL West as well. This playoff run feels more like slogging through the cinnamony mud of the Ohio River. With a pulled groin.
The Brewers just took two of three in Pittsburgh, and they’re tied with Houston again in the wildcard race. Carlos Lee is still leading the team in hits, homers, and RBI, despite playing in Texas now. Chris Capuano is leading in wins, strikeouts, and innings pitched, but the Astros won’t face him this series.
When:
Thursday, August 17, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Friday, August 18, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, August 19, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, August 20, 1:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
MLB Extra Innings – Thursday’s game will be on the Fox Southwest feed, Friday’s and Saturday’s games will on the Milwaukee broadcast, and it looks like there’s no broadcast Sunday.
Where: Miller Park
The Chorizo only made one race appearance before it got shitcanned by MLB. Because all marketing gimmicks have to be blessed by the league office a year in advance or some shit. Just figures that every time someone thinks of a new way to show off their sausage, Bud Selig takes a big bite first.
Projected Matchups
Jason Hirsh (0-1, 9.00) v. Ben Sheets (3-4, 4.98)
Hirsh had three good innings in his first start, and then the Padres launched three homers in the fourth inning. He ended up surrendering seven hits and four earned runs in four innings. He’s never faced Milwaukee, though one time he ate an entire family-sized can of Vienna sausages and didn’t die.
Sheets is 9-7 against the Astros, but 0-1 this year. On May 2 he gave up nine hits and seven earned runs, and didn’t make it out of the third inning. Berkman is 14-for-42 (.333) against Sheets, with five doubles and three homers; Biggio is 11-for-48 (.229) with two doubles and four homers. Ensberg, Lamb, and Everett also have homers off Sheets. Ensberg’s homer was his only hit off Sheets in 16 at-bats.
Brandon Backe (3-2, 2.93) v. Tomo Ohka (3-3, 4.30)
Backe took a loss against the Friars in his last start, going five innings and giving up three runs. He’s 2-0 in his career against the Brewers, but hasn’t faced them this year. Current Brewers are 8-for-28 (.286) against Backe, with no homers. Damian Miller and Kevin Mench are both 2-for-3 against him.
Ohka is 1-3 against Houston, and faced the Astros once this year but didn’t get a decision. In that game he left after five innings with a strained rotator cuff; he only gave up two hits and one unearned run. He’s 0-2 in his last three starts, with an ERA of 9.00.
Current Astros are 26-for-94 (.277) against Ohka, with a homer from Lane. WillyT is 4-for-8 against him, while Biggio and Ausmus are both 3-for-8. Mike Lamb is 0-for-6 and Ensberg is 1-for-7.
Roy Oswalt (9-8, 3.24) v. Dave Bush (8-9, 4.69)
Roy is questionable for this start after taking a line drive off the wrist against the Cubs. He’s 10-6 against the Brewers and 1-0 this season. Active Brewers are 45-for-181 (.249) against Oswalt, with four homers. Bill Hall is 10-for-26 (.385), while Geoff Jenkins is 11-for-37 (.297) with two doubles, two homers, and 13 strikeouts. Damian Miller and Gabe Gross also have homers off Roy.
Bush has faced Houston once, in mid-April, when he went six innings, gave up nine hits and three earned runs, but got no decision. Current Astros are 13-for-35 (.371) against Bush, with three doubles and two homers. Aubrey Huff is 4-for-14 with two doubles and a homer, while Lance Berkman and Adam Everett are both 2-for-3. Ensberg is 1-for-3 with a homer.
Roger Clemens (4-4, 2.17) v. Doug Davis (9-6, 4.97)
Roger is 18-12 against the Brewers and hasn’t faced them this year. Clemens had a win all sewn up in his last start, including a crowd-pleasing Cub-plunking, but Brad Lidge fucking blew it. Active Brewers are a collective 30-for-128 (.234) against Roger, with a homer, 13 walks, and 43 strikeouts.
Damian Miller and Brady Clark are each 4-for-7 against Clemens (and Miller has a homer). David Bell is 7-for-30 with eight strikeouts, and Jeff Cirillo is 6-for-23 with eight strikeouts. Geoff Jenkins is 1-for-14 with five strikeouts. J.J. Hardy and Rickie Weeks each have a homer off Roger, but they’re both on the DL.
Davis is 3-8 against Houston and 0-1 this year. In April against the Astros, Davis didn’t make it out of the third inning while giving up eight hits and nine earned runs. Current Astros are 66-for-222 (.297) against Davis, with seven homers, 32 walks, and 48 strikeouts. Biggio is 13-for-40 (.325) with two doubles and two homers, Berkman is 10-for-29 (.345) with two doubles and two homers, and Ensberg is 7-for-25 with two homers (and eight strikeouts). Jason Lane also has a homer off Davis.
Key injuries:
Houston – Roy Oswalt is questionable for this series.
Milwaukee – Rickie Weeks, Vince Perkins, and J.J. Hardy are out for the season. Corey Koskie is out until late August.