By Craig Elliott
The Astros split four games with the Marlins, though it should have been better. Once again, Oswalt and Clemens were left searching for run support, though Aubrey Huff helped in recovering Oswalt’s game. Now it’s on to Chicago to try to dogpile the dumbass Cubs, who just suffered the indignity of giving up an 11-run inning. To the goddamn fucking Mets, who are next on the roadtrip by the way.
The Cubs are 21 games under .500, Wood and Prior are back on the DL, and Carlos Zambrano got knocked out of the All-Star game by a fungo bat. How ’bout those Cubbies?
When:
Tuesday, July 18, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, July 19, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Thursday, July 20, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FSN
MLB Extra Innings – Tuesday’s game will be on the Chicago Fox broadcast, and the other two will be on Fox Southwest.
Where: Wrigley Field
The Cubs are 15-27 at home this season, which is the worst home record in the majors. By comparison, the Royals are 19-23 at home.
On Thursday at Wrigley, the first 5,000 girls age 14 and under will get free doll-sized Cubs apparel. Miniature corked bats, puke stains, and Walkmen sold separately.
Projected Matchups
Roy Oswalt (6-6, 3.06) v. Carlos Marmol (2-3, 4.23)
Roy keeps making solid starts with not much to show for it. He had another no-decision in his last start, thanks to crappy offense. Before that, he went 9 innings against the Cubs and took a 1-0 loss. Oswalt is 1-1 against the Cubs this year, and 10-7 overall.
Current Cubs are 73-for-278 (.263) against Roy, with three homers from ErrorMiss, two from Derrek Lee, and one each from Barrett, Nevin, and Zambrano. Neifi Perez is 9-for-22 (.409) against Oswalt, and Bitch Barrett is 10-for-23 (.435). ErrorMiss has those three homers off Roy, but he’s only 11-for-46 (.239) overall, with 15 strikeouts.
Marmot has made six starts for the Cubs, including a loss to Houston on July 3 when he gave up four ER in 4+ innings. Berkman was 2-for-3 with a homer, and Bidge was 1-for-4 with a homer. Preston Wilson was 2-for-4, with two doubles and two strikeouts.
Roger Clemens (1-3, 2.96) v. Greg Maddux (7-10, 4.99)
Roger’s only win this year came against the Cubs. He’s 4-3 against them overall, in nine starts. Current Schlubs are 53-for-205 (.259) against Clemens, with homers from Todd Walker, Jacque Jones, and ErrorMiss. Walker is 15-for-43 (.349) against Roger, and Juan Pierre is 6-for-16 (.375). ErrorMiss is 7-for-18 (.389). Derrek Lee is 7-for-22 (.318) but also has seven strikeouts.
Sniveller Maddux is 26-13 against Houston, but 0-1 this year. The loss came June 14 when he gave up 11 hits and five earned runs in seven innings. Maddux has lost his last five decisions and hasn’t won since June 9.
Craig Biggio is 37-for-123 (.301) against Maddux with six doubles and a homer. Brad Ausmus is 15-for-46 (.326), while Lance Berkman is 8-for-26 (.308). WillyT is 4-for-7. Currently active Astros have five homers against Maddux, including two each from Berkman and Preston Wilson, and one from Biggio.
Andy Pettitte (8-9, 4.99) v. Carlos Zambrano (9-3, 3.23)
Andy had a solid outing against Florida, going seven scoreless innings with 10 strikeouts. He’s 2-2 lifetime against the Cubs, with both wins coming this year. Current Cubs are 38-for-150 (.253) against Pettitte, with homers from Nevin, Lee, and ErrorMiss. Lee is 5-for-15 against Andy, and Ramirez is 5-for-14. Jacque Jones is only 2-for-13 with five strikeouts.
Zambrano is 6-5 against Houston and 1-0 this year. The win was on June 5, when he also hit a fucking homer off Buchholz. (Zambrano also stole a base in his last start.) Current Astros are 53-for-250 (.212) against him with seven homers. Berkman is only 6-for-41 (.146) with 12 strikeouts against Zambrano, but he also has three homers. Biggio is 11-for-34 (.324) with four doubles and two homers. Mike Lamb and Orlando Palmeiro also have homers off Zambrano.
Key injuries:
Houston – Jeff Bagwell and Morgan Ensberg are swapping shoulder stories. Brandon Backe should be back for the series with the fucking Mets.
Chicago – Stop me if you’ve heard this … Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, and Wade Miller are all on the DL. Shortstop Freddie Bynum is also out, while reliever Scott Williamson is questionable for this series.
Other shit
* Saturday was the first day in nearly 30 years that no saves were recorded in MLB. It was a day of blowouts and blown saves, including two games that each had two blown saves. And Brad Lidge didn’t even pitch.