By Craig Elliott
The Astros stepped all over their own dicks (except Roy Oswalt, who missed) while sputtering into the All-Star Break. But now the real race starts, and Purpura has already started chopping wood by nabbing Aubrey Huff and shitcanning Gary Gaetti. Jason Lane got sent down and Morgan Ensberg got a serious shot across his bow. So he took a check-swing at it and then sat down.
Houston is six games back of the fucking Jakes, with the Reds and Brewers still hanging around before they wilt down the stretch. The Astros are also 3.5 games off the lead in the wildcard race, though of course it’s a bit early to start thinking about that. The fact is, the Co-Ards can be taken down if the Astros play like they’re capable of doing.
Meanwhile, Florida has lost 7 of its last 10 games, and they can’t even see the Mets in the NL East. But for a team that’s started 20 rookies this season, they’re sucking less than expected. Which I guess is a compliment.
When:
Thursday, July 13, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Friday, July 14, 6:35 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, July 15, 5:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, July 16, 12:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
MLB Extra Innings – Thursday’s and Sunday’s games will be on the Florida broadcast. Looks like no TV for Friday and Saturday.
Where: Dolphin Stadium
They might as well call it Don’t Let the Door Hit You in the Ass Stadium, since the Marlins are busy shopping for a new park in a new city. Or at least they were the last time I heard anything about it. My money’s still on them moving to Vegas, but I’m admittedly biased.
Projected Matchups
Roy Oswalt (6-6, 3.15) v. Dontrelle Willis (6-7, 3.94)
Despite a number of quality starts (and complete games in his last two starts), Oswalt only has one win since May 3. He even took a loss for the bullpen in that awful fucking Jakes series. He’s 3-2 against the Fish, including a win on Opening Day this year.
Current Marlins are only 9-for-44 (.205) against Roy. Wes Helms has all their extra-base hits against Oswalt, though he’s only 3-for-13 (.231) with two doubles and a homer. No one else on the Marlins has more than one hit against Roy.
Willis had a rough start this season, but he’s 5-1 since the beginning of June and hit a grand slam off Jose Lima in his last outing. He had a no-decision against Houston on Opening Day, and is 3-1 overall against the Astros.
Current Astros are 27-for-115 (.235) against Willis, with homers from Adam Everett and Preston Wilson. Brad Ausmus is 4-for-10 against him, and Wilson is 4-for-12. Lance Berkman is 4-for-15 (.267) with two doubles.
Andy Pettitte (7-9, 5.28) v. Anibel Sanchez (1-0, 6.60)
Andy is 2-2 against Florida and 0-1 this year. Current Fish are 17-for-44 (.386) against Pettitte, with five homers. Handjob Ramirez is 4-for-4 against him, while Miguel Cabrera is 3-for-6 with a double and two homers. Miguel Olivo is 3-for-5 with a double and a homer while Josh Willingham is 2-for-4 with a homer. Mike Jacobs is 1-for-2 with a homer. On the other hand, Wes Helms is 1-for-10 with 4 strikeouts.
Annabelle is a rookie right-hander who was called up from AA in late June. He’s made two starts for Florida, getting a win against the Yankees and a no-decision against Washington. He also pitched 4+ innings of relief against the Red Sox. In 15 innings this year, he’s given up 21 hits, 11 earned runs, and 3 homers. He’s also recorded 7 walks and 8 strikeouts.
Roger Clemens (1-2, 2.82) v. Josh Johnson (8-4, 2.21)
Clemens is 5-0 against the Marlins in seven career starts. However, only five current Fish have ever batted against him, and they’re a combined 2-for-22. Cabrera is 1-for-7 with 3 strikeouts, Olivo is 1-for-5 (a triple), and Helms, Amezaga, and Mitre are a combined 0-for-10.
Johnson is 0-1 against the Astros, a loss that came in relief on Opening Day. He’s started 12 games for Florida this year and leads the team in wins. He’s also won his last four decisions. Current Astros are 3-for-7 against him, with Biggio, Ensberg, and Taveras all going 1-for-1.
Taylor Buchholz (6-6, 5.21) v. Scott Olsen (6-4, 4.24)
Buchholz is getting this start in place of Wandy, who’s apparently going to the bullpen for a while. Buchholz has won three of his last four starts, and there’s a no-decision against the White Sox in there as well.
Olsen started four games for the Marlins last year and has started 16 this year. He’s a lefty and has never faced the Astros before. He had a string of four straight wins in May and June, but he’s 0-1 in his last four starts.
Key injuries:
Houston – Backe is still rehabbing in Round Rock, and might be back later in the roadtrip to face the goddamn fucking Mets.
Florida – Brian Moehler, Carlos Martinez, and Sergio Mitre are all out.
Other shit
* Reedy Rip-It, the giant frog mascot of the Greenville Drive, was arrested recently for trying to steal second base from a female fan. Team officials plan to change the mascot’s name to Feely Nip-Tit. The Link