By Craig Elliott
The Astros just lost a series to the Royals, and are seven games behind the Co-Ards. But never fear Astros fans, because it’s time to buy shit! The Orgy o’ Roger is pulling into the station, and there’s someone in your family who doesn’t have a #22 jersey yet. Or at least one of the neighbors.
The Twins are at .500 but they’re already 11.5 games behind the Tigers. They’re on a seven-game winning streak, and have won 9-of-10. They just swept the Pirates, right after sweeping the Red Sox. Catcher Joe Mauer is leading the majors in batting at .380.
When:
Tuesday, June 20, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, June 21, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Thursday, June 22, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN/ESPN
MLB Extra Innings – All three games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. And Thursday’s game will be broadcast worldwide live on ESPN, so that even African tribes and Euroweenies can see Roger pitch. Even if it interrupts their little soccerball tournament. (Though I must say I enjoy Limey’s World Cup updates; when the finals roll around, I’ll know who to cheer for.)
Where: MMPUS
The Orgy o’ Roger will finally arrive at Minute Maid in a stunning burst of pure marketing energy. Yvette won’t be able to go on-camera because the brilliant radiance of her Inner Marketing Synergy will cause her to actually glow. She’ll be cooled off by 22 interns, who will fan her with rhinestoned pink towels from the Debbie Clemens collection.
And, hey, look, it’s also UT Night when Roger’s pitching! Why, what are the odds? 22:1, I guess.
Projected Matchups
Brad Radke (5-7, 5.83) v. Roy Oswalt (6-3, 3.21)
Radke is 2-1 against the Astros, with an ERA under 2. He won his last game against the Red Sox, but had a string of losses and no-decisions before that. Mike Lamb is 5-for-9 with two doubles off Radke, and Preston Wilson is 1-for-3 with a homer. Biggio and Ausmus are both 2-for-11, and Berkman is 1-for-7.
After coming off the DL, Oswalt held the Cubs to three runs over six innings. He’s 1-0 against the Twins. Mike Redmond is 5-for-9 with 2 doubles against Roy, and Luis Castillo is 4-for-15. The only other Twins with records against Oswalt are Ruben Sierra (1-for-5), Dennys Reyes (1-for-3) and Torii Hunter (0-for-2).
Carlos Silva (3-8, 7.07) v. Wandy Rodriguez (8-4, 4.59)
Silva is in his third year with the Twins. He’s 1-0 against the Astros, from his time as a Philly reliever. Berkman is 1-for-1 with a homer against Silva, and Biggio is 2-for-3 with a double. Preston Wilson is 0-for-2.
Wandy has never faced the Twins. With the Rogered rotation, Wandy will now pitch between Oswalt and Clemens. The only Twin who’s faced him before is Luis Castillo; he’s 0-for-3.
Francisco Liriano (6-1, 2.16) v. Roger Clemens (0-0, -.–)
Liriano is a 22-year-old lefty who’s got 67 strikeouts in 58 innings. He’s only given up two homers and 17 walks. In his last outing, Liriano struck out 11 Pirates in six innings.
Roger is 23-12 against the Twins. Current Twins have 154 AB against him, but half of those came from Ruben Sierra, who’s 16-for-75 against Roger. Rondell White is 5-for-10 with two doubles and a homer off Clemens, but Torii Hunter is 0-for-20 with 12 strikeouts.
Key injuries:
Minnesota – Shannon Stewart, Dave Gassner, and Matt Guerrier are all out.
Houston – There was a mishap the other day where Jeff Bagwell was giving Brandon Backe a “purple nurple,” and Chris Burke’s shoulder popped out of joint.
Other shit
* A hefty old graybeard guy was sitting in the stands right behind home plate Saturday, wearing a truly outstanding black-and-orange Hawaiian shirt. Salute.