By Foghorn
The Basics
What: Astros/Giants 3-Game series
When: Tuesday, April 11th at 9:15, FSSW
Wednesday, April 12th at 9:15, FSSW
Thursday, April 13th at 2:35, FSSW
Where: Pac Bell Park. Home of McCovey Cove, garlic fries and BalcoBrand Nachos, which tops a generous pile of tortilla chips with a mixture of queso, the Clear, the Cream, and concentrated testosterone. Interesting enough, in addition to causing fewer gastrointestinal problems than Sheriff Blaylock’s, it also packs on 15 pounds of muscle. Tastes better too.
The Pitching Matchups
Game 1 Taylor Buchholz versus Matt Morris
Game 2 Brandon Backe versus Matt Cain
Game 3 Roy Oswalt versus Jamey Wright
Giants Update (key players and injuries)
The Gints just stole one from the Braves, scoring two runs in the ninth to snake Bobby Cox, which is always a fun think to watch. Overall, the Giants are 4-2 on the young season.
The lineup looks something like this:
CF Randy Winn (who really had a nice season after coming over from the Mariners last year)
SS Omar Vizquel (still producing at almost 40 years of age, wonder if he is still trying to fuck everything that moves?)
2B Ray Durham (time to put this old gray mare out to pasture)
LF Frankenbarry (look for him to take Thursday off – day game after a night game)
RF Piss Hands Alou
1B Lance Niekro
3B Pedro Feliz (super utility guy finally getting a chance to play everyday)
C Mike Matheny (Ausmus wannabe)
Bonds, of course, is the big story. I think he’s pretty much a shitbag, but he’s still one hell of a player. He’s yet to hit a HR this season, let’s hope that’s still the case after the Astros leave the Bay Area. Doubt he’ll get much to hit. Keep Vizquel/Durham off base and he becomes much less imposing, especially since he can’t run the bases for shit. I doubt he scores from 2B on a single, or from 1B on a double all year. Station to station. He’s already sat one game where the field was too wet for him to not have his leg muscles fall of the bone like a mesquite smoked spare rib.
We all know Matt Morris. He should fare well in San Francisco, a place where fly balls go to die. Mike Lamb owns him, so look for Lane to sit on Tuesday with Lamb getting the nod (not quite sure how Scraps will set it up – (Lamb at 1B, Berkman at LF, Wilson in RF?).
Matt Cain is the latest can’t miss Giants pitching prospect, following in the likes of Kurt Ainsworth, Jerome Williams and Jesse Floppert. Given he’s a rookie right-hander that the Astros have never seen before, go ahead and pencil him in for six innings of three-hit ball.
Jamey Wright is another guy the Astros are familiar with, from his days as a Milwaukee Brewer. He’s bounced around a bit since then, going from #5 starter to #5 started on different teams.
Closer Armando Benitez is on the DL, so we get the two-headed monster of Tyler Walker and Tim Worrell closing out games. Hopefully we’ll have to deal with neither unless its in mop up duty.
Other players of note–Astros get a break not having to deal with Jason Schmidt this go-round. Ex-Astro Steve Finley is back in the NL, and will be the main sub for Bonds. Edgardo Alfonzo and JT Snow are gone, Mark Sweeney is the main bat off the bench. Also, SF is where good buddy Jose Viscaino ended up.
Astros Update
5-2, which is about where they should be after seven games versus the Fish and Nats. Still can’t believe they lost Saturday’s game after staking Roy out to a 5-run lead. Oh well, shit happens.
While the lack of hitting got the publicity versus the Fish, the bats actually were pretty strong against the Nats. Berkman and Wilson each have four dongs (which would make them tons of money in the porn business), and Ensberg’s swinging the bat real well. Jason Lane is scuffling so look for him to have a bit of rest as Lamb gets three or four chances to drop a hurtin’ on MattyMo.
Wouldn’t be surprised to see Biggio rest on Thursday–the old day game after a night game thingie.
Big news is the first career start for Buchholz. He looked real good in mop up duty versus Washington on Friday. I was surprised to see how hard he was throwing 92-94 consistently with a maxed out 96. His curve was impressive, in fact I think the ump gave up on one, figuring it was a ball when it dropped into the hitting zone.
Bigger news is this marks the start of the post-Milo broadcasting on radio. Imagine, taking a late night drive to the store, only to be able to find out the score and situation just seconds after purchasing the goodies. Not having to bang your head on the steering wheel in disgust as Milo (and Ash) do everything but tell you score, outs, runner on.
What’s on Foggy’s mind?
Several things, mostly about college football and illegal immigration.
I’m wondering what has to happen for TAMU to shitcan that worthless fuck known as Coach Fran. I’m saying anything less than being ranked in the Final Top 25 is unacceptable and should result in a kick out the door. Its been a long time since TAMU was in the Final Top 25 (2000 I think), and this is Fran’s 4th year. If you can’t get it done in four years, you ain’t gonna get it done.
Apparently the Aggie sites are calling him Little Debbie because he’s put on a few pounds while watching TAMU go 16-19. Dude needs a bro, or a manzier.
On the immigration issue, I’m really intrigued by one of the local leaders calling for immediately securing the borders, future State Senator Dan Patrick. Yes, that Dan Patrick who was the Sports anchor on KHOU before Gifford, and who owned/operated KPRC radio back when they had a sports program (Ed Fowler, John O’Reilly, Fran Blinebury). I guess after KPRC got rid of their sports programming Dan got heavily involved in local conservative politics and is now just months away from being a state senator. What fascinates me is, after listening to his sports opinions, I knew he was often full of shit. I mean, he would come to conclusions based on faulty premises, he didn’t support his arguments with sound logic. So if he was full of shit on sports issues, he’s probably full of shit on political issues as well.
1 Topic for TZ Discussion
Nicknames. Time to get the ball rolling on the 2006 version of nicknames for the 25-man roster. Let me start off by saying that 99% of these will suck, as well as 99% of yours will suck. You don’t really come up with a good nickname deliberately, rather they just happen. They evolve in crazy ways, and are rarely the result of someone sitting in his comfy chair at 11:59 thinking of shit just before bedtime. So, with full awareness that these will suck, here are some names for your consideration:
SP: Oswalt – Dozer or Caterpillar
SP: Pettitte – Luca Brasi (still think AP looks like a mafia hit man)
SP: Backe – Bunting (much like the red/white/blue drapings over the field box railing, Backe the Dominant Starter only makes appearances in the playoffs)
SP: Rodriguez – Jigsaw (much like a jigsaw puzzle, he’s just something to do until something better comes along, like Patton or Hirsch)
SP: Buchholz – Chico (Magnificent Seven, naturally)
RP: Lidge – Ray Ray (after TAMU corner back Ray Ray Jones who gave up bomb after bomb after bomb after bomb. )
RP: Wheeler – Dillinger (getting him from the Mets for a six pack of Pabst is the steal of the century)
RP: Qualls – Queefe (still funny to me)
RP: Gallo – Wop (played for Team Italy in the Baseball World Cup thingie)
RP: Springer – Jerry (obvious)
RP: Nieve – Citgo (he Venezuelan, no?)
RP: Miller – Douche (because he is disposable)
C: Ausmus – TRO (temporary restraining order, to keep certain internet posters a certain distance away)
1B: Berkman – Matthias (after Judas betrayed Jesus and eventually killed himself, a new disciple was needed to take his place. Matthias was chosen. With Bagwell gone, a new “face of the organization” is needed, as well as a new 1B. It’s Berkman.)
2B: Biggio – Mr. 3000 (no way he’s going to retire before 3000, no way he goes anywhere else to get it)
SS: Everett – Glovezilla (pretty self explanatory plus it contains a slight fuck you to barzilla)
3B: Ensberg – Marshall Willan – holly (for looking Land of the Lost in the WS last year)
OF: Wilson – Token or Quota
OF: Tavares – Slappy
OF: Lane – Dio (the “last in line” in case Game 4 went 20+ innings)
BN: Palmeiro – “No, not me, it was the other Palmeiro, I’ve never shot roids, I have like three career HRs, its not me” (kinda long)
BN: Bruntlett – Sprunt (a feminine hygiene spray)
BN: Lamb – Pickin’ Machine
BN: Munson – Herman
BN: Burke – Job (have to have his patience waiting for Biggio to vacate 2B)