By Craig Elliott
OK, we’ll do it the hard way. You want revenge on the Jakes? Fine, we’ll serve it up cold. Cold as the tits on every old granny sitting under a blanket at Busch tonight.
The Astros just need one fucking win, and Roy Oswalt is taking the hill. Let’s take the pennant right now and forget about Game Seven. 27 outs to go – make sure every damn one counts.
When:
Wednesday, October 19, 7:00 p.m. CDT – Fox
Where: Busch Stadium
It is time to shut this old whore down. I am so fucking sick of hearing about Old ‘n Busted Busch that I can take cookie-cutter shits. Kinda soulless, but at least they’re proportional.
Next week is too late to retire this old skank. Shut ‘er down tonight.
Matchup
Roy Oswalt (1-0, 1.29 NLCS) v. Mark Mulder (0-1, 1.29)
Roy went seven innings in Game Two, giving up only one earned run, the solo homer from Pujols. Yadier Molina also had two ground-rule doubles off Oswalt. Roy only gave up five hits overall, and walked three while striking out six.
In regular season stats, Pujols is the Jakes’ best hitter against Roy, with 14 hits in 41 ABs for a .341 average. Anaheim Jimmy is 10-for-35, with 2 walks and 15 strikeouts. Nunez is 4-for-24 against Roy with 8 strikeouts, but we may not see him anyway.
Mulder went seven solid innings in Game Two, allowing only two runs (one of which was earned). He gave up 8 hits, as well as two walks, and had 6 strikeouts. Ausmus had a double off him, and Burke had the hustling triple.
In regular season stats, our best hitters against Mulder are Brad Ausmus (6-for-17, .353) and Willy Taveras (5-for-14, .357). Jason Lane and Morgan Ensberg each have a homer off him.
Players to Watch:
* The two who are making a difference for the Co-Ards are, of course, Eckstein and PooHoles. And by the way, I’ve heard more than enough about David fucking Eckstein. End his season already so he can go paint the Arch with his ass or something.
* Cathead is on his 9th life, and Lollygagger Edmonds is whining worse than the BFiBs. Eyechart looks like he may be coming out of his slump, but Roy will have something to say about that tonight.
* Ensberg has got to start driving in some runs. Pick a fucking stance and go with it.
* I think it’s time to put Willy back in center. There’s a little too much pucker factor with Burke out there. Willy went 2-for-5 in Game Two, by the way.
Other shit
* The part of the stands at Minute Maid that juts out near the third-base line needs its own nickname. It gets a lot of balls down there, and there’s always an idiot hanging over the railing. Call it Dumbass Point, or something like that.