By Craig Elliott
Well now, the coronation didn’t proceed as expected. While the Co-Ards were posing for TV cameras and next year’s figurines, Roy Oswalt stomped on their dicks and evened up the series. And now everyone comes back to Houston for a good Rogering.
Roger Clemens pitching at home on Saturday – what are the odds? After last weekend’s amazing performance, I’m guessing the crowd will be pleased to see him again. Congratulations to those who get to go in person; I hope it’s louder than a boat ride with the Minnesota Vikings.
When:
Saturday, October 15, 3:00 p.m. CDT – Fox
Where: MMPUS
I’ve never paid much attention to the uniform rotation and which jersey gets worn on which day. But it seems like the red jersey/black cap combo is working, and I hope they stick with it.
By the way, to those in attendance today, please remember that the louder you cheer, the more you’ll drown out Fox?s fuckwit broadcast team. I would love to hear bedlam instead of Steve Lyon’s Woody Woodpecker laugh. Or maybe it’s that other guy. One of those fucking idiots.
Matchup
Matt Morris (14-10, 4.11 regular season) v. Roger Clemens (13-8, 1.87 regular season)
Morris is 9-10 against the Astros overall, and 1-1 this year. His win against Houston this year came on April 24, and the loss was on Sept. 27. His career postseason record is 2-5 in 14 appearances, which includes 30 earned runs and eight homers in 68 innings.
Current Astros are 103-for-365 (.282) against Morris, which is more ABs than the Astros have against either of the Sniveling Old Women. That includes 11 homers off Morris – four from Bagwell, three from Lamb, two from Berkman, and one each from Lane and Biggio.
Berkman is 20-for-56 (.357) against Morris, and Bagwell is 25-for-74 (.338). Mike Lamb is 5-for-14 (.357), with a double and three homers. Brad Ausmus is also 16-for-55 (.291) against him, while Biggio is 16-for-69 (.232) and Ensberg is 3-for-14 (.214).
Clemens is 4-1 against the Jakes, and 1-1 this year. Current Co-Ards are 50-for-225 (.222) against Roger, and their best hitter against him is – surprise – Mark Grudzielanek. Eyechart is 7-for-22 (.318) with two doubles. The only active, non-injured Jake with a homer against Roger is Edmonds, who has three. He’s 12-for-52 (.240) overall, which also includes 19 strikeouts.
Other Co-Ard totals against Clemens include David Dickstain at 3-for-24 (.125), PooHoles at 6-for-21 (.286), and Cathead at 2-for-14 (.143). So What Taguchi is also 4-for-8.
Players to Watch:
* Cathead Walker is only 1-for-7 in the series, and is still having neck problems. In fact, the whole outfield looks a little rickety after Sanders busted his ass, and Fat Lip Edmonds got caught checking his teabags while Burke took third.
* Scrap Iron has some interesting line-up choices to make today. The Chris Burke Traveling Media Circus almost demands an appearance, but Lamb has big numbers against Morris and could have a big day too.
* Jeff Bagwell has been a psychological weapon at times, and now Brad Lidge is too. At least against the Tardinals. When Lidge came in to Game Two, it was like all the air left Busch. Well, all the air that wasn’t in the fans’ portable oxygen tanks.
Key injuries:
St. Louis – Reggie Sanders is day-to-day after his warning-track curtain call in Game Two. The Astros should make limited-edition figurines of The Ballerina and give them away next year when the 3rds visit.
Houston – None
Other shit
* Apparently if the Astros had gone down 0-2, the guys growing beards were going to shave them into Jeff Kent pornstaches. Might as well go all the way and wear the Rainbow Guts too.
* I have a great idea for the groundbreaking ceremony for New Busch, but I don’t think Reggie Sanders is going to like it.