By Limey

This week, I’ve been mostly watching the World Cup.

I’m subbing for Craig, who started to think about how much he hates the Rangers and his head exploded.  I’m posting this extra early because I’m going to be busy all day tomorrow skiving off work to watch the footy.  So, let’s see what’s been going on the with ‘Stros [clicks through a couple of pop-ups] WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

Good news: the June Swoon is almost over.  Time for the July Goodbye to begin.  Followed by August Disgust and the September Dismember.  Holy shit this is a bad team right now!  Losers of nine out of twelve they just got mauled by the Tigers for three straight; shut out in two of ’em.  Is there some cosmic law that one of the teams playing in Tiger Stadium has to play like shit?

Now it’s off to Dallarse to play the Rump Rangers of Texas.

When:
Friday, June 30, 7:35 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, July 1, 12:20 p.m. CDT – Big Fox & Big Fox HD
Sunday, July 2, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN & FSN HD (Ch. 302 on TimeWarner)

MLB Extra Innings – Haven’t the foggiest.  Don’t know/care where to look.

Where: The Ballsack at Armpit-on

The Rangers are 3 games over .500, but 20-21 at home where it’s hotter than a snake’s arse in a wagon rut.

Read More

By Craig Elliott

The Astros managed to win only one game in Chicago, after blowing 15 leads and giving up 10 grand slams. At this point the bullpen is melting down faster than a Willy Taveras thread on the Talkzone. The ‘Stros are still 5 games back of the Co-Ards, despite St. Louis losing six in row. But those Jake losses were also to the White Sox and the Tigers.

The Tigers have the best record in baseball and are just ahead of the cocksucking White Sox. Detroit just swept the Co-Ards, and they’re 16-7 in June. Third-baseman Brandon Inge leads the team in homers with 16, but Magglio Ordonez and Marcus Thames each have 15, and Chris Shelton has 14. Kenny Rogers has 10 wins, and Todd Jones has 20 saves.

When:
Monday, June 26, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, June 27, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, June 28, 12:05 p.m. CDT – FSN

MLB Extra Innings – Monday’s and Tuesday’s games will be on the Fox Sports Detroit affiliate, and Wednesday’s will be on Fox Southwest.

Where: Comerica Park

The Tigers are 23-14 at home, while the Astros are 13-20 on the road.

Read More

By Craig Elliott

The Astros just don’t seem fully involved in this dumbass interleague shit, having dropped series now to both the Royals and Twins. And now they have to face the two top teams in the softball league – Chicago and Detroit. But hey, Roger Clemens is back! Go buy a #22 T-shirt, damn it.

The White Sacks are a half-game behind Detroit, and they just swept the Jakes. But the real news has been Ozzie Guillen’s ongoing freak show act and meltdown. Don’t be surprised if during the All-Star Game, Guillen orders a beaning and doesn’t get it, so he tries to send another team’s ace to the minors.

When:
Friday, June 23, 7:35 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, June 24, 12:20 p.m. CDT – Fox
Sunday, June 25, 7:05 p.m. CDT – ESPN

MLB Extra Innings – Friday’s game will be on Fox Southwest, Saturday’s will be on Fox, and Sunday’s will be on ESPN.

Where: US Cellular Field

This weekend the White Sox will be sponsoring Fag Night, where 10,000 lucky fans will get a free reach-around from Ozzie Guillen. Plus one lucky homo will get two autographed balls (his own balls, of course), a shit-stained copy of the Chicago Sun-Times that Pierzynski wiped his ass with, and of course, an inadequate mumbled apology from Bud Selig.

Sox fans should also watch for exciting upcoming promotions, which include Hugo Chavez Appreciation Day, Shake My Goddamn Hand Night, and a Venezuelan Pinata Fiesta, in which blindfolded fans try to bean Ozzie while he screams and calls them faggots.

Read More