Andy Pettitte pitched seven solid innings and struck out ten to earn the victory Friday night at Minute Maid Park in game one of the weekend series.
Pettitte, obviously tired of hearing about Roy Oswalt’s homer two nights ago, hit his first career shot in the 4th inning to tie the game at 2-2. He also had a single in the game, raising the bar with the ongoing competition with Oswalt over who is the bast hitting pitcher not named Brandon Backe. Read More
By Craig Elliott
The Astros are 7-2 in August, which includes three series wins. After sweeping the Pirates out of town, the ‘Stros are now 6 games behind the fucking Jakes, and 2.5 games off the wildcard lead. The dumbass Reds are out on their feet and ready for a knockout punch, with three teams from the West sitting a half-game out.
One of those teams is the Padres. They’re only 3-7 over their last 10 games, including losing last week’s series to the Astros. They just got swept by the cocksucking Mets, and are about to drop behind the Dojers and Snakes in the West. Plus the Rukkakies are still hanging close and looking up expectantly at the leaders with those big adorable eyes. Apparently it has something to do with everyone’s balls being heavier in Coors this year. Or whatever.
Also, rumor has it that the Padres’ plane was delayed from leaving New York because of the new carry-on rules. There was an uncomfortable moment at Security when no one would claim the industrial-size jug of hand lotion. Luckily things got moving again when Mike Piazza offered to inspect everyone’s packages.
When:
Friday, August 11, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, August 12, 6:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Sunday, August 13, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
MLB Extra Innings – Friday’s and Sunday’s games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. No broadcast Saturday, I guess.
Where: MMPUS
Friday is ’80s Night, so be sure to wear either a Rainbow Gut or Rainbow Shoulder. There will also be umbrella giveaways, and one lucky fan will win a limited-edition ankle-grabber umbrella stand, shaped like Mike Piazza’s ass.
On Saturday you can score a non-urine-smelling Astrodome replica, and on Sunday they’re giving away lunch bags, which are cooler than they sound.
The Astros broke out the whooppin’ stick for game two of the three game series at Minute Maid Park, slaming six home runs on the way to a 14-1 thrashing over the cellar dwelling Pirates of Pittsburgh. Read More
By Craig Elliott
The Astros just won two series AND had a winning roadtrip. August must finally be here. The teetering Reds are only 3.5 games ahead of Houston now, and the Jakes are 8 games ahead. Lance Berkman is still hitting everything in sight, despite having to be wheeled around the bases in a wagon by Jose Cruz.
The Pirates have the worst record in the National League, and are ahead of only the Royals in all Major League Baseball. Plus they even broke up the band and traded Nancy Wilson to the Yankees. But if we could just trade OUR Wilson to the Pirates, then they could restart the band … nah, nevermind.
When:
Tuesday, August 8, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, August 9, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Thursday, August 10, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
MLB Extra Innings – All three games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. Which is fine with me, because the Pittsburgh guys will only be talking about the fucking Steelers anyway. I wonder if Ben Roethlisberger has recorded a public service announcement yet about wearing a goddamn helmet.
Where: MMPUS
Monday was the Astros’ last day off for three weeks. This is the beginning of a three-series homestand, and except for this weekend’s set with the Padres, the rest of the month will be played against the Central. Most of it against the bottom third of the Central (assuming the Brewers stay in fourth place where they belong).
When the Pirates are in town, Double Play Tuesday with its cheap hot dogs is, of course, also still known as ?Derek Bell Throwback Day.? At least they’re Earl Campbell’s hot dogs. The rest of the promos for this series are pretty lame: teddy bears for kids on Wednesday, and lanyards on Thursday. Meh. Good enough for a mid-week series with the Pirates, I guess.
This game was all about baserunners, as the two teams had a combined 46 hits and walks. The Astros had 14 hits and 11 walks while the Diamondbacks added 16 and 5, respectively. The great JD pointed out that home plate umpire Jerry Crawford’s strike zone was ‘tight’ as many, many, MANY borderline pitches were called balls. Crawford remained consistant until the final pitch. Read More
