Lance Berkman drove in four of the Astros five runs, including a two-out, two strike bases clearing double in the 9th as the Astros split the rain shortened series in Philadelphia with a 5-3 victory Wednesday evening. Read More
Astros at Phillies – Pharm Living is the Life for Me
By Craig Elliott
I guess the face-shaped dent in the left-centerfield fence could be known as Carlos’ Grill. That was some faceplant by the Traitor. Fucking Mets.
The Astros are 3.5 games behind the Pet Shop Boys, while the Brewers, Rukakkies, and Snakes are fading a little. Philadelphia is 1.5 games behind San Diego and two games ahead of Houston, so here’s a great chance for the Astros to move up.
The Phillies just had back-to-back doubleheaders with the ATL, which they split. Both of them. Ryan Howard hit three homers in one game Sunday, raising his league-leading total to 52. Chase Utley and Pat Burrell each have 24 homers as well.
When:
Monday, September 4, 2:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, September 5, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, September 6, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
MLB Extra Innings – All three games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. I’m in the Fox Southwest home area this season, and lately I’ve been getting way too much of the fucking Rangers. Seems like every other Astros game is blocked by the Rangers now.
Where: Citizens Bank Park
This is the start of yet another three-city road trip, though it’s the last one of the year. Well, unless the Astros start the playoffs on the road.
Phillies fans get to run the bases after Monday’s game. And the players and coaches get to throw shit and boo.
Astros fall short 8-7
With the game on the line trailing 8-6 to the Mets in the bottom of the ninth and former Astro Billy Wagner throwing darts, things did not look promising. But, with one out, the Crimson Chin himself, Eric Bruntlett , who is now sporting a full beard, doubled down the left field line and scored on a single by Craig Biggio to bring the winning run to the plate in the form of Lance Berkman. After fouling off several 100 mph fastballs and a few wicked sliders, Berkman ended the threat with a grounder to short as the Astro had their six game winning streak snapped. Read More
Mets at Astros – Don’t Step in That Pile of Mets
By Craig Elliott
Yeah, sweep those smelly-ass beer farts out of town! The Astros have won six in a row and are 2.5 games off the wildcard lead. They’re also 5.5 games behind the Jakes, with two series left against them.
Nearly all of September will be played against playoff contenders (or at least they’re mostly in contention right now). In addition to seven big games with the Co-Ards, the Astros also have six with the Phillies, three more with the Commies, and first up, a three-game series with the goddamn New York Mets. Fucking blue-and-black traitor-hiring pieces of shit. Goddamn I hate the Mets.
Anyway, the assmunch Mets have gone 11-2 since mid-August. They’ve pretty much wrapped up the East, and at this point are just running victory laps and throwing dollars to the whores. Especially a certain Puerto Rican Whore. The Stem also picked up Shawn Green from the Snakes last week.
When:
Friday, September 1, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, September 2, 6:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Sunday, September 3, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
MLB Extra Innings – Friday’s and Sunday’s games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. Saturday will be a New York broadcast.
Where: MMPUS
Friday will feature the usual fireworks and also Tino Wallenda will perform above homeplate after the game. Unfortunately, Wallenda just signed Scott Boras as his agent, and thought the tightrope was defective. So he held out for a no-frayed clause.
Giveaways this weekend include gym bags on Saturday and Minute Maid Park replicas on Sunday. Grandparents can also walk the bases after the game Sunday, though after a series with the Mets, Gramps will want to watch where he steps. And don’t forget to enter Grandma in the Stop Thief! Competition, in which Brad Ausmus will try to throw out your grandmother at second base.
Astros win pitchers duel in 9th, 1-0
Aubrey Huff, sporting a new haircut, stepped up to the plate with the bases loaded and one out in the 9th inning of a scoreless game at Minute Maid Park and hit a fielders choice grounder to the firstbaseman, who dived across the bag to snare the hard hit, then slapped the base with his glove to make sure he got the out at first before throwing to the catcher, who failed to recognize the force play was off and did not attempt the tag on the sliding Mike Lamb as he scored the winning run. Read More