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  • News (Page 98)

Passionate Kisses

Posted on September 7, 2012 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Astros 5
Reds 3

By NeilT

9th inning 3-run homer by Dominguez. Lopez closes.

Do you know the song “Passionate Kisses,” Lucinda Williams? A hard woman, seems to me, like from time to time it’s been much harder than someone with passion and intelligence and talent should have to expect. I’d be nervous if I didn’t recognize her and we were sat next to each other on a plane. But it is such a magnificent song, like so many of her songs:

Is it too much to ask . . .

Well, yeah. Sometimes almost anything is too much to ask.  This season almost anything is too much to ask.

I want a warm bed that won’t hurt my back.

You think about how hard it is for even those of us with the most charmed lives. Think of what the best things should be, children, sex, spouses, work, God, democracy, beer, paychecks . . . and how hard from moment to moment or duration to duration those things can be.  We’ve shared them, here, in this small corner of the universe, for a long damn time. Even among the luckiest among us those joys disappoint, frustrate, rub raw and leave us flat and unhappy and breathless, from time to time or duration to duration. And among us, this few, this brave few, you have to throw in baseball, and baseball means the Astros.

Is it too much to ask I want a comfortable bed
That won’t hurt my back
Food to fill me up
And warm clothes and all that stuff

And passionate kisses. From time to time passionate kisses. For once, tonight, we got what was too much to ask.

Astros at Reds – The Worst Backyard in Town

Posted on September 7, 2012 by Craig in Featured, Series Previews

This shitty season is finally lurching to its end, with one last farewell tour through the Central. But instead of saying goodbye to old friends and their drunk fans and familiar ballparks, this feels more like good riddance to shitty neighbors you never want to see again. Especially the ones who have the worst backyard cookouts and let their stupid dogs shit all over the place.

When I was a kid, I think the Reds were my first favorite team. I didn’t live close enough to Houston to get the Astros on TV, and the Rangers weren’t around yet. But on the Game of the Week I’d see Johnny Bench and this rookie Pete Rose, and that seemed like a good team to follow. My parents finally made me quit practicing my headfirst slide after I knocked the wind out of my asthmatic self one too many times.

Which was just as well, because luckily I got older and outgrew the shit-bag Reds. And I never really thought about the fuckers again until the Astros ended up in the Central. One of the most satisfying bets I ever won was against a Reds fan during the playoff runs in the late ’90s. She had to cook dinner for me and my wife, and planned on making goddamn noodle chili until my wife heard about it and put a stop to that nonsense. I think we had enchiladas or something; I couldn’t really taste it because of all the gloating I was doing.

And those are really the only times I ever paid much attention to the dumbshit Reds, except to laugh out loud at them when appropriate. But now here we are now, looking up at the goddamn Dickities on top of the division, and they’re damn near leading the whole National League. The only team above them is the ExpoNationals, if you can believe that shit. This neighborhood has gone straight to hell, and I don’t really think I’ll miss it.

At least this is the last time we’ll have to hear about Cincinnati’s shit-awful chili and family backyard cornhole tournaments. Unless the assholes get to the World Series, in which case get ready for the Skyline Cornhole craze to sweep the nation. No one’s backyard would ever be safe again.

I think maybe I could root for the American League after all.

Great American Ball Park

Friday, September 7, 6:10 p.m. CDT

Saturday, September 8, 6:10 p.m. CDT

Sunday, September 9, 12:10 p.m. CDT


Notable giveaways

Friday – Free Agent Friday

I thought maybe this was the time for all the Astros who expect to be without a contract next year to have a tryout. But it turns out it’s just some lame drink specials for Reds fans to get shitfaced if they wear a stupid free agent sticker or some shit.

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Friday

Lucas Harrell (10-9, 3.81) v. Homer Bailey (10-9, 4.09)

Harrell has faced the Reds three times this season and got a win against them last weekend. Most of the Reds hit him well, particularly Jay Bruce who is 4-for-7 with two doubles and a homer.

Bailey has faced the Astros twice this year with no record to show for it, though his record in years past is 4-0. Most of the Astros have seen him, but without much to show for it. J.D. Martinez, Justin Maxwell, and Chris Snyder each have a homer off him.

Saturday

Bud Norris (5-11, 4.80) v. Bronson Arroyo (5-11, 3.76)

Norris is on a freaking 10-game losing streak and hasn’t won since May. He’s pitched better in his last three starts, but whatever. Devin Mesoraco is 3-for-5 against him with a double and a homer. Joey Votto also has a homer off him.

Arroyo hasn’t lost since early August, and probably hasn’t had a haircut since last August. Current Astros are a collective 18-for-100 against him, with the only homer coming from Justin Maxwell.

Sunday

Edgar Gonzalez (1-0, 1.69) v. Johnny Cueto (17-7, 2.58)

Gonzalez was signed out of the Mexican League, and made his first MLB start in nearly three years on Sunday. He held the Pirates to one run in 5+ innings. Miguel Cairo and Brandon Phillips batted against him at some point in the past, and Phillips went 3-for-6 with a homer. Whenever that was.

Cueto beat the Astros back in April but we haven’t seen him since. None of the current Astros have done much against him.

Injury Report

Houston – Matt Dominguez (wrist), Marwin Gonzalez (ankle), Fernando Martinez (thigh), and Scott Moore (groin) are all questionable for this series. Lowrie and Cordero are out until later in the month.

Cincinnati – Shortstop Zack Cozart is questionable for this series. Relievers Nick Masset and Bill Bray are probably out. And Ryan Madson is out for the season.

*****

Discuss today’s game in the Gamezone. You know, if you aren’t watching football.

Astros lose to Pirates

Posted on September 6, 2012 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

WP: Correia (10-8)
LP: Abad (0-3)

by Sphinx Drummond

The Astros got off to another bad start falling behind early. By eventually losing 6-3 the Astros’ won/loss record dropped to 42-95 and they now stand in at 53 games under .500. For the unwashed, that’s a real shitty won/loss record. Even if you throw out either of the Pirates best innings scoring-wise, the Astros would still lose 4-3.

Abad got the start for the good guys, he’s now 0-3 as a starter, still looking for that elusive first win. Hard to believe he’s lost only three.

The Astros interim manager remarked, ”I thought Abad could give us a chance but unfortunately we got down again early. It’s getting frustrating for us.”

There’s not much about the season that isn’t frustrating, for the players, coaches, or the fans. At least the players and coaches are getting paid. It seems wrong for a MLB team to be this lousy and still charge more than half price for people to see them. How it came to this is such a slap to the loyal fans who have followed this team for so long. But here they are.

I can’t even be happy for all the shitty players that otherwise wouldn’t have gotten a chance to play a big league game.

Now the NFL and College Football have started, there is even less interest in watching this shitty version of the Astros. That’s what happens when you’re shitty. People lose interest. Instead of names like Biggio, Bagwell, Cruz and Ryan, this team has Abad, Rodriguez, Bogey and Schafer. No wonder the home gate is so bad. People want to go to games to escape the beat down of everyday life not see it mirrored on the field. That’s not entertainment unless you’re a masochist.

Talent and name recognition are two of the most important factors in the entertainment business. Think about if the Beatles didn’t end up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo but instead had no talent bums like Doug, Wes, Steve, and Marty, they would have been shitty and nobody would have gone to their concerts or bought their records.

Greene Hell

Posted on September 5, 2012 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Pirates 6, Astros 2

W: W. Rodriguez (10-13)
L: Lyles (3-11)

Box

Contributed by Reuben

I’m sick of watching Tyler Greene try to play SS. He is terrible. I actually feel kind of bad for the guy – you can tell he feels awful when he fucks up, and he just seems very intense, all around. Probably a little too intense, actually. Or too worried about booting another ball.

In any case, it seems clear that the guy is not a major league shortstop. Nor does Brandon Laird, on first impression, appear to be a major league third baseman, although that would put him in a rather large club of 2012 Astros, including pretty much anyone who’s set foot over there this year except for Dominguez and Marwin.

So yeah, awful, wretched defense kinda did Lyles in in this one, not that he didn’t make any mistakes, but then again plenty of pitchers this year have yielded multiple hits to Andrew McCutchen, AKA Superman.

This game bummed me out so much I had to spend an hour+ hunting down Misfits songs on Youtube. I got drinks with my brother earlier tonight, and during the course of conversation I discovered that he didn’t know who Glenn Danzig was (he’s only 25), so I wanted to direct him to some representative Misfits material. Damn they were a great band. Well, not a “great band” in the literal sense, of course, but those songs sure are fun to listen to, dark and fucked-up as the subject matter usually is. Theme For A Jackal, Where Eagles Dare, I Turned Into a Martian… it can quickly make one forget about a cringe-worthy baseball game.

“And Wallace hit an RBI double, whoa-oh-oh…”

Read even more scathing appraisals of the team’s defense in the GameZone thread.

Labor Day Win

Posted on September 4, 2012 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

Astros 5, Pirates 1
W: Gonzalez (1-0) L: Locke (0-1)

box

Hells to the yeah, the Astros have won two out of three. What a nice afternoon win for the loyal Astros? Brett Wallace hit his 7th on the road homerun, giving him a total of 7 homeruns for the season. Here’s to more away games for Brett!

Edgar Gonzalez did his best to remain a MLB pitcher. It was enough to give him a win. I’m not going to critique his pitching, because let’s be honest, very few people read the recaps and no one really cares what I think about anything.

Brandon Barnes almost had a highlight reel catch, but missed it. Garrett Jones ended up stranded at third. There is some game time reactions in the Gamezone if you want to check it out.

Dark Star posted a preview.

But most of the action continues to happen in the Bus Ride.

Maybe the Astros are going to be able to end the season on a high note, meaning winning a couple more games. Not everyone gets to finish first but finishing as badly as they seem to be headed has got to suck.

The only ones with a chance of winning a lid this season are:
51 Dark Star
61 Mr. Happy
62 BizidyDizidy
63 Sphinx Drummond
64 moriartp
65 Andyzipp
66 Ron Brand
67 homer
68 SaltyParker
69 Ty in Tampa

I FEEL SAD, BUT I FEEL HAPPY

Posted on September 3, 2012 by Dark Star in Featured, News, Series Previews

Houston ASTROS (41-93) vs. PITTSBURGH Pirates (70-63)

September 3-5, 2012
PNC Park
Pittsburgh, PA

Monday September 3 (Labor Day) – 12:35 p.m. CDT
Tuesday September 4 – 6:05 p.m. CDT
Wednesday September 5 – 6:05 p.m. CDT

PITCHING MATCHUPS
Monday
Edgar GONZALEZ, RHP (0-0, —-) vs. Jeff LOCKE, LHP (0-0, 0.00)
Locke is a recent call up to the Pirates bullpen, getting his first MLB start. Gonzalez is currently in the Federal Witness Protection Program, having testified against the Sinoloa Cowboy cartel in a recent trial. The Feds figure he is as safe to remain anonymous in the Astros rotation as anywhere else.

Tuesday
Jordan LYLES (3-10, 5.46) vs. Wandy RODRIGUEZ (9-13, 3.86)
Wandy had a good outing against the 3rdinals last time out.  Lyles is 21 and still trying to figure out how to pitch in the big leagues.

Wednesday
Fernando ABAD (0-2, 4.83) vs. Kevin CORREA, RHP (9-8, 4.40)
Correa is back in the Pirates rotation after Jeff Karstens went down, and he has pitched well. This is game 2 in the Abad-as-a-starter experiment … it is not necessarily a terrible idea, but it is kind of like mixing together two volatile chemicals, just to see what the reaction between them might be. You might get OxyClean or super glue, or you might blow up the laboratory.

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This is not a series preview, actually; or rather, just the bare bones of one. You can find this stuff anywhere on-line, and in a better format than this. So don’t waste your time here.

Football season is here, further reducing attendance at the Astros home games, from 250 per outing to roughly 12-15 or so.  The team itself has started axing TV broadcasts, under the no doubt correct assumption that the audience for those has dwindled down to the hardy few. You can only drive by gawking at train wrecks for so long, before the blood and offal start to get to you.

In other words, no one cares anymore, not this year, anyway. The only vaguely interesting thing about watching the games now is to see just how bad the Astros can be; and, if one has been a true fan of the team over the years, that is a game for suckers. And I’m not playing it anymore.

This is going to be a great Labor Day weekend. We are all moved into the new house, garden home, whatever. Also, my ex recently moved out of state, in the pursuit of happiness (I wish her well), and she left my 15-year-old back with me, presumably permanently. I smile broadly every time I think about that. The hurricane didn’t come here. And, oh yeah, I found a new thing to barbecue – thick cut “country” pork back bone, specially cut for me by the butcher at the Market Basket on Calder and 23rd. Marinate ‘em for a couple of days in a brown sugar-based rub, then put ‘em on the cooker with a trimmed brisket and 10-12 bone-in chicken thighs, throw on a handful of Zummo’s Party Time links at the end. Fucking awesome. The back bone is tender and juicy and tasty – smoky, and vaguely sweet. Goddamn, I’m fired up about that.

Finally, I really like these new Miller Lite 16 oz. aluminum bottles, the ones that come in a nine-pack. Okay, I can hear the sneers from here. Tell you what – I’ll drink the classy stuff, out of glass and with my pinkie out, when the elite crowd is around, and I am sitting in the air conditioning, discussing passionately the relative merits of Bon Iver and/or Grizzly Bear or Edward Sharpe. When I am at the beach with the ‘Stones cranked up to 11, or out in the yard (what there is of it now, I am living in a fucking garden home, fellas), barbecuing meat with the Black Angels turned up so fucking loud my new garden home neighbors are whipping out their lists of deed restrictions with one hand while dialing 9-1-1 with the other, I’ll be slamming down the Miller Lite 16 oz.-ers, thanks. My neighbors better get used to it.  Love the Black Angels. And fucking awesome, those aluminum bottles.

The unusual nine-pack configuration means I have to brush off the old math skills, too; which can only be a good thing. Let’s see … I currently have 26 29 27 of those kick-ass motherfuckers iced down in the cooler on my back porch, getting nice and cold for daddy.  And they should all be gone by the time this weekend finally peters out, many hours from now. Fucking awesome.

I was driving to work one day this past week, and I was pretty bummed out, more so than usual.  The weather was shitty, for one thing. My neck hurt. I was pissed off about something at work, and it had been distracting/gnawing at me for a couple of days. I was a bit out of sorts, to tell the truth. That is not me, and I was really screwed up by it.

I was idly listening to the XM, the Underground Garage channel, and Andrew Loog Oldham was prattling on about something … something about “todgers”, I believe he was saying, whatever the fuck … Keith had a big todger, Jagger’s was not so big … it was annoying, and I thought, “How much more fucked up can this day get?” Then Oldham finally gets back to the music, and plays Leon Russel’s “Stranger In A Strange Land.”

“God – fucking – damn!” I looked through the windshield at the low, scudding, grey clouds moving by, remnants of the far outer reaches of Hurricane Isaac. I thought about my son, who I had just dropped off at school, being home with me again. And I thought about my girl and how lucky I was to find someone like her at this late date. Who gave me my human edge back, who made me smile and laugh and love unconditionally … who reawakened me after I had been sleepwalking through the dark for so many months. Who made me think I wanted to live in a fucking garden home, for Christ’s sake.

I thought about all that, while meanwhile this gorgeous song was booming out of my truck’s speaker system. A stranger in a strange land – it sounds quaint, but I suppose I have sort of felt like that for a long time, at least a little bit. Tell me why, the song says. I don’t know why. But listening to it, and thinking about all the things it made me think about, made me realize that I will never really understand it – not in this life, anyway.

In a way, I have always known that. What has always made me happy is just riffing on being here at all, slowing myself down and watching it all unfold, however it will. That is what makes me feel so good. I just have to remind myself sometimes.

Or be reminded. I looked up at those clouds again, and said thanks. To who or what I cannot say for sure. I have heard all the arguments against some of the things I believe in, and they are compelling on a certain level. But in my truck on the way to work the other morning, there is no way in hell you could have convinced me my gratitude was misplaced. Sometimes, you just know.

Simple things, simple things. The best things in life are free, and simple. I am disappointed that the baseball team I have followed practically all of my life is no longer one of those pleasant, simple things that make me happy. But it is all right. Thank you, anyway; for all the years that it was.

I won’t find much happiness at Crawford and Texas anymore. But there are plenty of other places still out there where I can. Thank you so much for that.

Thank you.

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