The 2010 Houston Astros
Other than the gallows humour that permeates a season such as this, there is very little to like about watching these dead men walking striking out. Last night was another gem which saw an opposing pitcher get his ERA below 1.00 and Carlos Lee get his BA back below .200. Is Kaz Matsui still available? The team record is now an excrutiating 14-27.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Rockies 4
Astros Zip, Zilch, Nada
W: Jimenez | L: Oswalt
Someone remarked recently about how many different ways you can write “Astros Lose.” It is tough because they aren’t losing in too many different ways. Pitching performances from “strong” to “good enough” seem to always be accompanied by little to no run support. Oswalt has given up 3 runs or less in no less than 6 innings during every one of his starts this year and only 2 wins. I don’t cry for Roy, he’ll survive, but holy shit this team is about as offensive as a Justin Bieber concert to a 12-year-old Canadian girl.
A shaky 1st by Roy put the Astros in a familiar hole. He dropped a toss from Berkman to allow the lead off hitter to reach. Then he walked Helton before a 3-run shot by the shortstop (WTF!) Tulowitzki. U. Jimenez continued his magic almost effortlessly against this powerless 9. The only “hit” he gave up during his 7 innings was a broken-bat roller to 3rd by Q that Stewart barehanded and booted. His ERA dropped to a crisp 0.99 with the 7 scoreless.
Much more entertaining than the Astros effort was the Gamezone.
It doesn’t look to get any better for the boys with the Rays coming into town. This is tough for me because I would certainly love for the Rays to keep rolling along and bury the Yanquis and Bosox deeper into the muck but I am first and foremost an Astros fan and that will not change. Either way, the Rays are fun to watch so try to enjoy some good baseball this weekend.
This guy!
So yeah, like a schlub, I managed to completely drop the ball on the fact that I drew the short straw for the Rockies 2 game series currently going on. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it? Anyway, it’s probably for the better, since I can’t really muster any hate for the Rockies. As everyone that’s ever talked about baseball with any male member of the Raup family for more than five minutes knows, a high school teammate of mine is pitching out of the Rockies pen. That makes watching the Good Guys (and Bretty Myers) play even more painful than usual, as even the rare offensive explosion from the Astros can quickly take a turn for the worse if Matty comes in and gives up some runs. So, root for the ‘Stros and root for Matty B to pitch well and the relievers after him to blow it.
Anyway, here is a down and dirty series preview for you. I can’t promise to quality, but hey, what else is new?
Minute Maid Park
Wednesday May 19, 7:05pm FSH-HD
Thursday May 20, 7:05pm FSH-HD
Projected Matchups From Astros.com
Tuesday
Greg Smith (1-2, 6.35) v. Felipe Paulino (0-6, 5.72)
Well, this game already happened, so I won’t sit here and bullshit you about anything. Go read the recap about this game. I promise it is better than anything I would’ve written about it.
Wednesday
Ubaldo Jiminez (7-1, 1.12) v. Roy Oswalt (2-5, 2.62)
Ubaldo has been a bonafide badass so far this year. He has electric stuff, and pretty much is blowing away opposing hitters. He’s already tossed a no hitter (against the Bravos), and his two “bad” outings were seven innings of two run baseball. Yikes.
But there *IS* some good news. The Good Guys actually hit Ubaldo pretty well as a team, sporting a .313 BA against him. Blummer (6-15) leads the charge, but Twinkie (4-11), Bourn (3-10), Spaz (3-10), and most impressively Feliz (3-4 with a homer and 3 RBIs) all have had some success against him. Kabong (1-7) hasn’t done much against Jiminez though, and Kepp (0-3) has really scuffled in a small number of at bats.
Roy has been pitching like an ace so far this year, but hasn’t gotten any run support at all for the cavalacade of slapdicks and freaks we call an offense so far. Maybe things will turn around…. Yeah, and maybe I’m a Chinese jet pilot.
Roy has pretty much owned the Rockies with a few minor exceptions, as indicated by the team batting average of .228 . Melvin Mora and Seth Smith both are 2 of 4 against him, but other than that, things look pretty grim for Los Rockies. Ageless Helton has hit a few homers off Roy, but nobody else has done much.
Thursday: Hot Damn! A laptop sleeve. Hey Drayton/Pam, when your product on the field is fucking terrible, usually it’s a good idea to try and bribe people to come to the ballpark with something cool. Not a fucking laptop sleeve. Wow.
Obnoxious MLB.com Injury Report Page
Astros
Arias is still out for the year.
Byrdak has a strained hammy and is out until late May.
Rockies
Taylor Buchholz shredded a ligament in his elbow, but is due back in June.
Jorge De La Rosa, Melvin Mora, and Franklin Morales all may or may not be injured. Fuck you, MLB.com, for your awful Fantasy Injury report.
Greg Reynolds had bone chips in his elbow, but is scheduled to have a few rehab starts soon.
Huston Street had a setback in his rehab from shoulder tightness in mid-May. No schedule is set for him yet.
Our Interesting Things To Look For
Hell, don’t ask me. I can’t even remember which previews I’m supposed to write.
Anyway, Go Astros! And Go Matty Belisle! Sorry again for the lateness, and I promise my next preview will be full of hate and anger and not apologies for being a dumbass.
Rockies 3, Astros 7
W: Brandon Lyon, L: Esmil Rogers
A couple weeks ago, JD, Bill and Bagwell called Jeff Keppinger a fungus. Saying he kind of grows on you. He sure did last night. I do not think I was the only wondering why the Rockies would walk Michael Bourn to load the bases for Jeff Keppinger. Sure, Keppinger isn’t known for power, speed, or much of anything sparkling, but if you are an Astros fan, you know he’s one of the few that has been here all season and doing relatively well. And what does he do after Bourn’s IBB, hits a bases-clearing-game-winning double.
Felipe Paulino had a good night on the mound, but is still winless in his starts. This time the no-decision is courtesy of Chris Sampson. I’ll cut him slack since he’s been rather stellar to-date this season.
Carlos Lee hit a homerun, making it consecutive games with a homerun for the first time this season. But for the most part, the middle of the order has remained the same.
After the win the crowds were pleased (I assume) and rioting began when word came out that Kaz Matsui got released. Best wishes to him in his future. May the Cardinals or Cubs pick him up thinking he is a reclamation project.
The next 122 games will be hard for the Astros, but especially the next 4 games. Apparently, the Tampa Bay Rays have some good pitching and some kid from Colorado has been having a good season. Just go get’em boys.
Astros at Dojers, 5/18/2010
Dojers 7, Astros 3
W: Kuroda (5-1) L: Norris (2-5)
Astros.com Recap
Gamezone Commentary
Sorry folks. I know you were expecting yet another spectacular JackAstro recap to help dull the ache from yet another Astros loss, but it ain’t gonna be. JackAstro was injured in a freak masturbation accident and has had to be put on the 15-day DL by SnS. In the interim, you’re stuck with me. FYL! And we were stuck with the ‘Hyde’ version of the Astros tonight. FOL! And I volunteered to recap this game. FML! (that’d be “your, our, and my” for the ATM grads in the crowd).
Anyway… Caught the Vin Scully broadcast of tonight’s game vs. the Dojers. What can I say. JD and Brownie are awesome, but how many more chances am I going to get to hear Scully call an Astros game? Dude is a baseball treasure, and I will be sad to see him ‘hang up the mike’ when he does decide to retire. The melodic rhythm of his call; the intricate, yet simple, weaving of life stories and lessons in the midst of a baseball game while at the same time actually letting me know what the hell is going on. I listen to him, and close my eyes. Suddenly I’m 10 again, playing catch with my dad on a sunny Houston afternoon. No Motions to respond to, nor Court deadlines. No 9-11. The Red Sox and Yankees are cellar-dwellers. Reagan is President. All is right with the world! Simply, Vin Scully is a joy to listen to.
As for the game, it was un-spectacular. Astros go down 3-0 after 1. Bud walks too many batters that come around to hurt him. Kaz can’t hit to save his life (finding his ‘inner-DAS’, i.e. finding himself in an 0 for 20 streak). Astros lose. We’ve seen this story play out before.
There were bright sports though. While the Astros did find themselves down 0-3 after 1, they did fight back and tie the game thanks to the big bat of Carlos Lee. A solo shot in his first at bat. A 2-run single in his next. Narrowly missed another home run in his third at bat. Certainly nice to see.
The Dojers ended up scoring another 3 off Bud before he was lifted with 1 out in the 5th inning (line: 4.1 IP, 7 hits, 6 ER, 3 BB, 3 SO), and tacked on another with a home run off Fulchino in relief. All-in-all, yes the Astros did get swept by the Dojers, but Carlos Lee showed signs of waking up at the plate and I got to hear Vin Scully call an Astros game. Life is good!
And if you are not convinced and still trying to find a gold nugget in this steaming pile of poo that is the 2010 Astros’ season thusfar, just remember that the 2010 draft is less than 3 weeks away, and Bobby Heck has 4 of the first 58 picks in the draft.
Astros at Trolley Dodgers, 5/17/2010
Dodgers 6, Astros 2
W: Ely (2-1) L: Rodriguez (2-5)
This one was basically over in the first, as second base umpire Phil Cuzzi blew a call on a force play that opened the flodgates for a 3-run first off of Mad Eny: The Road Wandyor. Two notes on this play: first, I’m amazed that Scully blew the description of this, thinking that Cuzzi was saying Ramirez beat the throw, when Cuzzi clearly signaled that Keppinger came off the bag; second, it just goes to show you what happens when you get desperate for offense. Manzella makes that play much more easily.
Desperate for offense, did I say? Of course. This is why your hometown Houston Astros, with above-average pitching, are headed for their worst record ever, nearly a quarter of the way home. The first inning got the Good Guys ahead on a Bourn single, move to second on a grounder to third, and home on a Berkman single. Just how the whole shebang was drawn up in spring training. Unfortunately, those were two of their six hits on the night; two more came from Pence! and Feliz in the fifth – mix in a WP in the middle, and you’ve got yourself a second run.
It stayed close until the eighth, when Lyon gave up a two-run triple to Blake DeWitt to ice it at 6-2, but this was largely irrelevant as the Astros continued to wither on offense. Six hits, no walks, no hope.
Bud Norris takes the hill tonight and will hopefully be brainwashed into thinking he’s facing the Cardinals again.
ohnowesuckagain