Perhaps this is the pre-Black Friday mark up so he can then show it being available for 30% off. My wife is already calculating where she needs to be in line to have a shot.
Santa, can the new owner:
1. Bring lots and lots of money but even more in baseball savvy?
2. Restore the original colors and uniform design?
3. Remove Tal's Hill and Tal, if neccessary?
4. Have Pam Gardner and her trunk of dominatrix gear thrown on the street by noon of the sales date?
5. Blow up that ridiculous goddamn choo-choo train? If possible, on opening day?
6. Round up all of the Houston area Mormon missionaries and their warm smiles and eagerness to please and all that shit and employ them in the food and beverage venues instead of the current "service" staff. Also, serve actual food.
7. Shut off the godawful music and "make noise" devices. Get a decent organ player. And, a monkey trained to fling shit at Cubs fans.
8. Employ a plane to fly over the Dell Diamond with a trailing banner of "Enjoy Your Arena Ball, Fuckheads" or similar themes.
9. Permanently cease Nolan Ryan promotional items.
10. Dip cups to the first 10,000 patrons.
11. Un-retire every number except 5 and 7.
