#RoyDemands

[OregonStrosFan]

Can't say who for sure (thinking it was Astros County), but someone started a #RoyDemands hastag on Twitter.  Funny stuff (some more than others...):

For the team trading for him to ask for J.R. Towles, just so Roy can send him back down to Double-A. #roydemands.

#RoyDemands that Tony La Russa explains the ending of Lost to him

#RoyDemands to be on the cover of Madden 11 - he knows it's an NFL game, he just doesn't care

#roydemands that Ed Wade buy a Shawn Chacon Fathead to display in his office.

#roydemands that Drayton finish the 30oz chicken fried steak in under an hour at his restaurant.

#RoyDemands that Steve Jobs fixes his iPhone 4

#RoyDemands ESPN give him a TWO hour decision show

#RoyDemands a white Ford Bronco and a police escort to St. Louis

And the list goes on...  Anything to add?

[MusicMan]

#RoyDemands that he go to the World Series because 2005 never happened.

[Ty in Tampa]

#RoyDemands a 4-run guarantee for all his starts.

[Señor Stan]

#RoyDemands the trade deadline be moved to the day after the League Championship Series

[Noe]

#RoyDemands that no World Cup match end in a tie.

[Limey]

#RoyDemands that "fixin'" and "yun'too" are entered in the Oxford English Dictionary.

#RoyDemands that the junebug replace the bald eagle as the national symbol of the US of A, and that the United States of America change its name officially to "US of A".

#RoyDemands an apology from President Obama...and some stimulus money.

[Limey]

#RoyDemands that Weir, MS change its name to Here, MS.

[toddthebod]

#RoyDemands that KSM be tried in Weir, MS so they can lynch him first.

[MusicMan]

#RoyDemands:

GM's, look at your pitchers.  Now look at me.  Now look back at them, now look at me.
Sadly, they aren't me.
But if you stopped using prospects and traded them for me, then they could be me.
Look down.  Look up.
Now you're standing on the pitcher's mound with the man your pitchers could look like if you traded for me.
What in your hand?  I have it.
It's an oyster, with my contract in it - with only one year left!
Look again - the option is now picked up!
Anything is possible when you trade for Roy Oswalt.
I'm on a bulldozer.

[austro]

#RoyDemands that Weir, MS change its name to Here, MS.

If I remember the pronunciation correctly, he probably ought to demand that they change it to There, MS.

Friday bonus:

Inga: Werewolf!
Dr. Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There.
Dr. Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.

[austro]

#RoyDemands:

GM's, look at your pitchers.  Now look at me.  Now look back at them, now look at me.
Sadly, they aren't me.
But if you stopped using prospects and traded them for me, then they could be me.
Look down.  Look up.
Now you're standing on the pitcher's mound with the man your pitchers could look like if you traded for me.
What in your hand?  I have it.
It's an oyster, with my contract in it - with only one year left!
Look again - the option is now picked up!
Anything is possible when you trade for Roy Oswalt.
I'm on a bulldozer.

Nominated.

[Limey]

#RoyDemands TOGTFO

[lc_db]

#RoyDemands a Rosetta Stone for Fredia-ish

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

#RoyDemands that the Moneyball movie be rewritten (again) to include him, with Tim McGraw as Roy.

[Limey]

#RoyDemands a hotel room, a a kiddie pool full of jello, Rachel Rae and Katie Couric for 3 hours.

[JackAstro]

#RoyDemands:

GM's, look at your pitchers.  Now look at me.  Now look back at them, now look at me.
Sadly, they aren't me.
But if you stopped using prospects and traded them for me, then they could be me.
Look down.  Look up.
Now you're standing on the pitcher's mound with the man your pitchers could look like if you traded for me.
What in your hand?  I have it.
It's an oyster, with my contract in it - with only one year left!
Look again - the option is now picked up!
Anything is possible when you trade for Roy Oswalt.
I'm on a bulldozer.

This right here is just chock full of win.

[MusicMan]

#RoyDemands a hotel room, a a kiddie pool full of jello, Rachel Rae and Katie Couric for 3 hours.

Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry?
Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked.
Vicki: So far so good.
Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails, and you shave my buttocks.
Vicki: What's that?
Harold Grisham: Naked... jacuzzi... Pepto-Bismol... toenails... shave my buttocks.
Vicki: Well, you have quite an imagination, Harry.

[Limey]

#RoyDemands that the Moneyball movie be rewritten (again) to include him, with Tim McGraw as Roy.

#RoyDemands that he gets to play Tim McGraw in the Tim McGraw biopic and that Faith Hill plays herself.

[The Spleen]

#RoyDemands that all the brown M&M's be removed from the bowl...

[Astroholic]

#RoyDemands:

GM's, look at your pitchers.  Now look at me.  Now look back at them, now look at me.
Sadly, they aren't me.
But if you stopped using prospects and traded them for me, then they could be me.
Look down.  Look up.
Now you're standing on the pitcher's mound with the man your pitchers could look like if you traded for me.
What in your hand?  I have it.
It's an oyster, with my contract in it - with only one year left!
Look again - the option is now picked up!
Anything is possible when you trade for Roy Oswalt.
I'm on a bulldozer.

SFN

[remy]

#RoyDemands:

GM's, look at your pitchers.  Now look at me.  Now look back at them, now look at me.
Sadly, they aren't me.
But if you stopped using prospects and traded them for me, then they could be me.
Look down.  Look up.
Now you're standing on the pitcher's mound with the man your pitchers could look like if you traded for me.
What in your hand?  I have it.
It's an oyster, with my contract in it - with only one year left!
Look again - the option is now picked up!
Anything is possible when you trade for Roy Oswalt.
I'm on a bulldozer.

I think you just broke the mihoba-ometer.

[JackAstro]

#RoyDemands:

GM's, look at your pitchers.  Now look at me.  Now look back at them, now look at me.
Sadly, they aren't me.
But if you stopped using prospects and traded them for me, then they could be me.
Look down.  Look up.
Now you're standing on the pitcher's mound with the man your pitchers could look like if you traded for me.
What in your hand?  I have it.
It's an oyster, with my contract in it - with only one year left!
Look again - the option is now picked up!
Anything is possible when you trade for Roy Oswalt.
I'm on a bulldozer.

(http://www.spikesnstars.com/docs/wp-content/uploads/Roy-on-a-Horse.jpg)

[moriartp]

Thanks. You just HAD to make me piss myself laughing. Asshole.

[MRaup]

Come on... Seriously JA? Jesus.

[MusicMan]

Come on... Seriously JA? Jesus.

I think the pink cardigan over the uniform may be my favorite part.

[Jacksonian]

Come on... Seriously JA? Jesus.

Biz is wondering what's so funny.

[JackAstro]

Posted to the front for posterity, because that shit's funny.

[Bench]

Fucking A. It is not polite to burst out laughing sitting in the back of a courtroom. Well done, JackAstro.

[MusicMan]

Posted to the front for posterity, because that shit's funny.

If we're going for posterity, then we should link to the YouTube of the original commercial, lest future generations think you and I had both just lost it.

[JackAstro]

If we're going for posterity, then we should link to the YouTube of the original commercial, lest future generations think you and I had both just lost it.

Roger that. Now people can put this into the perfectly logical context of a guy in the shower who appears on a boat with an oyster full of tickets that turn into diamonds and soap while the boat becomes a horse.

[MusicMan]

Roger that. Now people can put this into the perfectly logical context of a guy in the shower who appears on a boat with an oyster full of tickets that turn into diamonds and soap while the boat becomes a horse.

Exactly.  Context is king.

[JimR]

Roger that. Now people can put this into the perfectly logical context of a guy in the shower who appears on a boat with an oyster full of tickets that turn into diamonds and soap while the boat becomes a horse.

yes. now i understand. clearly.

you both are batshit crazy.

[Ty in Tampa]

<brilliance>

Thanks for correcting my mental image of a betoweled, black Roy making his next start.

[S.P. Rodriguez]

I hope to god someone twitters that to f-house...

[Reuben]

That is some excellent shit right there. And for the record, I saw it on the front page before I saw it here.

[JimR]

has anyone sent it to Fuckhouse?

[JackAstro]

has anyone sent it to Fuckhouse?

I have no fucking idea how the internets work.

[Andyzipp]

has anyone sent it to Fuckhouse?

I did, about half an hour ago.

[JimR]

I did, about half an hour ago.

good job.

[MusicMan]

I have no fucking idea how the internets work.

...lie, paging Tow...

[Limey]

I think the pink cardigan over the uniform may be my favorite part.

+1

[austro]

+1

I'm impressed with the nearly perfect color match on the text in the sky.

[Limey]

That is some excellent shit right there. And for the record, I saw it on the front page before I saw it here.

[Cliche] There's a front page? [/Cliche]

[94CougarGrad]

yes. now i understand. clearly.

you both are batshit crazy.

Coach, you can't just be understandin' that NOW.


And I am in concurrence... that pink sweater is fan-friggin-tastic.

[94CougarGrad]

#RoyDemands that the players' pre-game buffet table be stocked with fried: catfish, green tomatoes, and pickles, as well as skillet cornbread.

[JackAstro]

Coach, you can't just be understandin' that NOW.


And I am in concurrence... that pink sweater is fan-friggin-tastic.

Thanks, but it's a coral sweater, everyone. Roy keeps it breezy and ocean-style when rocking his marine outerwear. I see that you all have a lot to learn about beach-centric pastels, and their appropriate place in your wardrobe.

#HisOtherCleatsAreTopsiders

[austro]

Thanks, but it's a coral sweater, everyone. Roy keeps it breezy and ocean-style when rocking his marine outerwear. I see that you all have a lot to learn about beach-centric pastels, and their appropriate place in your wardrobe.

#HisOtherCleatsAreTopsiders

Chuck: is that you?

[Ron Brand]

No monocle.

[chuck]

Chuck: is that you?

You know what I wear to the beach? A pair of Billabong board shorts, a linen short sleeve shirt (for fast and easy drying) likely as not bought from Old Navy, white or light blue usually, and a pair of Havaianas.

I bring a hat, too, in case I decide to read. I have an Astros hat that I like quite a bit but I've worn it golfing so much it smells horribly like cat piss. I can't wear it yet I can't bear to throw it out. Maybe I'll wash it one day. So lately I've been wearing a white Texans hat. I have quite a collection of hats here. I have a couple of Early Cuyler hats both of which are regionally appropriate: 'I Heart Cock Fighting' and 'No Habla Jibber Jabber.' I also somehow ended up with a couple of Ricardo Martinelli campaign hats. I'm not sure where they came from. Oh! I was walking around in the Casco Viejo the other day, Saturday it was, and I look down to the end of the street and I see a guy turning the corner driving a red golf cart. I'm like, What?... A golf cart on the streets of Panama City? You're taking your life into your own hands driving around in a Hummer much less a golf cart. Then I see behind the golf cart two guys on Segways. Right about that time the shopkeeper across the street starts jumping around like a Kansas City faggot trying to get his customers' attention inside the shop. I come to my senses and realize that the fellow driving the golf cart is indeed Ricardo Martinelli, the President of the Republic of Panama. I gave him a cheerful wave which he returned.

And I suppose this is as good a time as any to mention that earlier that same Saturday a waitress did in fact sit down at my table to take our order.

[Limey]

And I suppose this is as good a time as any to mention that earlier that same Saturday a waitress did in fact sit down at my table to take our order.

Presumably you'd taken your Ricardo Martinelli hat off at this point.

[Lurch]

I've worn it golfing so much it smells horribly like cat piss.

I think you're doing it wrong

[chuck]

Presumably you'd taken your Ricardo Martinelli hat off at this point.

You know, I did look around the place in hope of spotting someone wearing a hat to complete the double play as it were but no such luck. So I had to content myself with putting my cutlery and napkin on the table from time to time.

And Lurch, yeah, I don't know, I have other well loved, well used hats but none of them smells like cat piss. This one does. Faintly, but it's there. I just went down to see if it's still detectable and it is. Hell, maybe the damn cat actually pissed on the hat one day. I think maybe I'll take the hat down to the pool and let it float around in the chlorinated water for a while.

[HudsonHawk]

You know, I did look around the place in hope of spotting someone wearing a hat to complete the double play as it were but no such luck. So I had to content myself with putting my cutlery and napkin on the table from time to time.

Hillbilly.

[94CougarGrad]

Thanks, but it's a coral sweater, everyone. Roy keeps it breezy and ocean-style when rocking his marine outerwear. I see that you all have a lot to learn about beach-centric pastels, and their appropriate place in your wardrobe.

If Roy's rocking a coral-colored sweater when I have no like-colored article of clothing in my entire wardrobe, then he's hella more feminine than me.

[MusicMan]

Sesame Street with their take on it