May 12, 2016
Red Sox 11, Astros 1
W: Price (5-1) L: Keuchel (2-5)
Abbreviated Game Zone – where was everyone?
Doc Luhnow answers the door
Don’t say a word!
Dallas Keuchel, clearly flustered: Doc, Doc, it’s me, Dallas. Doc, you gotta help me…
Doc: Don’t tell me anything. Quiet, quiet. I’m gonna read your thoughts. Let’s see now… you’ve come a great distance?
Dallas: Yes, exactly!
Doc: Don’t tell me! Uh… you want me to buy a subscription to Baseball Prospectus?
Dallas: No!
Doc: Not a word, not a word now! Donations… you want me to make a donation to buy out Carlos Gomez’s contract?
Dallas: Doc… I’m from the past. I came here in a time machine that you invented. Now, I need your help to get back to the year 2013.
Doc: My God… do you know what this means? It means that my plan didn’t work at all! 4 years of work!!
Other notes:
- Keuchel’s ERA is now 5.58, placing him 41st out of 49 qualified AL starters.
- David Price, who completely dominated the Astros for 6 2/3, has an ERA of 6.00, placing him tied for 45th (with Sonny Gray, supposedly the best pitcher available for trade).
- Keuchel’s 1.60 WHIP is 45th of 49, so it’s not like it’s bad luck.
- In 2013, those numbers for Keuchel for the season: 5.15 and 1.54. He missed qualifying by 8 innings, otherwise he would have been 3rd-to-last and next-to-last in those categories.
- Congratulations to Eric Kratz, who not only avoided a well-deserved Designated for Assignment, but actually got a hit last night! With this hit, he no longer holds the worst BA or OPS in last night’s lineup, which now belong to…
- Jake Marisnick, who has posted an impressive 1-21 for .048/.091/.048 start!
- Josh Fields absorbed the last 2 innings on the bullpen’s behalf before catching a (well-deserved) flight to Fresno. But thanks to Marwin’s error, 2 of the 3 runs he allowed were unearned, so he lowered his ERA to 6.89!
Editorial note:
Seriously, if you could have picked one thing to guarantee that the Astros’ season would collapse, “Keuchel pitches like complete garbage” would have been at or very near the top.