May 3, 2015
Astros 7, Mariners 6
W – Neshek (2-0)
L – Smith (0-1)
S – Gregerson (6)
INTRALEAGUE MEMORANDUM
To: American League General Managers
Cc: MLB Headquarters
Bcc: [email protected]
Re: The Integrity of the Game
To Whom It May Concern,
In an effort to preserve and protect the integrity of the game of baseball, we must lobby for the following rule changes to be put into effect immediately:
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Winning streaks of longer than nine games should no longer be recognized by Major League Baseball. Consecutive wins achieved beyond nine straight should henceforth be called “extra wins”.
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Power hitters should be subjected to even more stringent testing for the presence of performance-enhancing drugs. These rules will be applied to all players whose last names rhyme with the words “lattice” (this is of utmost importance) or “farter”.
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Challenges on plays at the plate, on principle, should always go against any team whose home stadium is located in the area bordered by I-45, I-20, I-65, and the Gulf of Mexico.
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Should any American League team overcome a large deficit and tie a game against another American League team whose colors are navy and orange, the game should immediately be called and the former team should be declared the victors.
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Mercy rule – If any American League team who has not won a World Series championship should take a five-run lead, that team’s score should be multiplied by the number of that team’s World Series championships. If neither team has won a World Series championship, the longer-tenured American League team should be declared the victors.
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Games in stadiums with a retractable roof must be played with the roof open.
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If a game is being played with a retractable roof open and the wind is blowing out to the short side of the field, the roof must be closed.
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If a conflict exists between rules 6 and 7, the visiting team should be declared the victors.
Due to recent events we must take drastic measures to restore the Major League Baseball food chain to its intended order. Thank you for not torching my house because I said moving the Astros to the AL was a good idea your support.
<3,
Allan H. “Bud” Selig
Former Commissioner