(submitted by austro)

Thank You, Sir! May I Have Another?

Houston Astros (4-6) @ Texas Rangers (4-5)

The Astros generally fare poorly in Arlington at Whatever-It’s-Called-Today Ballpark-or-Stadium-or-Field, and given the recent performance of their wet noodle bats, there’s not much reason for optimism this time around, either. On the other hand, they’re playing the fucking Rangers and the games will be on TV even in Austin, so I’m expecting a lively time in the GameZone.

Friday, April 11, 7:05 CDT

Feldman (2-0, 0.66) vs Darvish (1-0, 0.00)

Feldman has a .241/.282/.398 line against active Rangers. Kouzmanoff and Wilson have .429 averages, but in only a handful of ABs. Rios has 11 hits and 2 homers in 35 ABs. Fielder only has one hit in 6 ABs, but it’s a homer.

Darvish obviously hasn’t had much trouble with the Astros, sporting a .171/.225/.329 line. Dominguez has 3 hits in 11 ABs, and Krauss and Gonzalez have combined for 5 hits in 14 ABs. Carter brings up the rear, naturally, with an 0-8 with 6 Ks.

Over/under on Astro hits against Darvish: 2 ½.

Saturday, April 12, 7:05 CDT

Cosart (1-1, 4.09) vs Scheppers (0-1, 9.00)

The Rangers only have 14 PAs against Cosart, with a .231/.286/.538 line to show for it. Beltre (2-3, double and homer) and Rios (1-3) have the only hits, but only five current Rangers have faced him.

The Astros are 8-23 in 28 PAs against Scheppers, so there is some hope for the good guys’ offense in this one. Altuve (3-7), Carter (!) (2-6), and Grossman (2-2) are the leading lights.

Prop bet: Which will be greater, Astro runs or Carter strikeouts?

Sunday, April 13, 7:05 CDT

Oberholtzer (0-2, 4.91) vs Perez (1-0, 4.50)

Oberholtzer has a .286/.318/.381 career line against current Rangers. Once again, Beltre is the guy to watch out for: he’s 3-4 with a double. Martin is 2-5 with a walk. Moreland has the only other hit, which was a double.

The Astros are hit-or-miss with Perez: Carter (!) is 6-11 with a double and two homers, and Altuve is 3-7 with two doubles. Nobody else who’s likely to play has done squat.

Over/under on Ron Washington confused cocker spaniel stares during the game: 5 ½.

Injuries

Astros

Jesse Crain: Still recovering from biceps surgery. Could be back in mid-May.

Alex White: Still recovering from Tommy John surgery. Could be back in May, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Asher Wojo: Still suffering from a lat strain. Day-to-day, I guess.

Jerome Williams: Day-to-day with a groin strain. Sorry, I can’t help myself: it never gets old.

Rangers:

Adrian Beltre: Day-to-day with a strained quad, and killing my fantasy team while he’s away.

Engel Beltre: Crushed ego from living in the shadow of Adrian. Also has a broken tibia.

Matt Harrison: Back surgery. May be back in late April.

Derek Holland: Knee surgery from some fluke off-season accident. Back at the All-Star break.

Joseph Ortiz: Fractured left foot. May be back at the All-Star break.

Jurickson Profar: Torn muscle in his right shoulder. Due back mid-to-late June.

Joe Saunders: Bruised left ankle. Due back in late April.

Geovany Soto: Knee surgery. Due back mid-to-late June.

Not only are these guys a bunch of obnoxious pricks, they’re fragile, too. Unfortunately, that won’t keep them from taking this series 2-1. But at the end of the series, the Astros will get to leave the Metroplex, and the Rangers will still be stuck there.