CHICAGO Immature Ursines 2, HOUSTON Tragic Spacemen 1
September 17, 2011
Already-Been-Chewed Field
WP: Don’t Know
LP: Don’t Care
SV: We are beyond saving, fucker
CHICAGO (SnS) – The unmighty Houston Astros ended a long season-long struggle here tonight on the North Side of Chicago . . . Chicago, the City of Feminine Shoulders, the Fudgepacker to the World; the lowly Houston nine reached the vaunted century mark in the loss column, by dropping an untense 2-1 heartstarter to the Chicago Fuck TCs.
Come sit beside me
That’ll do for now
The night has come and left me
Just the light that you allow
Come speak my name
Fill my head with all such foolish dreams
My flesh and blood is no more real to me
Than what it seems
Some kid named LaHair was the hero tonight for these 2011 FT Cubbies, by doing something demi-heroic, it is not important what. It is only too bad he could not have emerged in the same time as long ago Fuck TCs modest demi-god, the Mighty Peter LaCock. Calling out the FtheCs line up would really be something cool to do then . . . Hey, might as well give up now, baby – we’re coming at ya tonight with LaHair and LaCock!!
Anyway, back along the space-time continuum here, all systems are go. One hundred losses? Achieved!! The transfer of ownership deal about to fall apart? Check!! The team about to move into some sort of “temporary” MLB management/receivership? Check-er-roonie!! The move to the AL West already a foregone conclusion? You got it!!
If/when all the above transpires, I think the current proposed name change, to the Houston Electric Ballsacks, is not only desireable, but goddamn necessary.
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Let me know how all that goes. I don’t plan on being around to find out.
Actually, all this makes me realize that all the freakish scientific know-nothings on all the quasi-documentaries on all the semi-“discovery” channels are right!! The Freemasons are running the world? No, goddammit! The Ancient Aliens constructed the Egyptian Pyramids and the Nazca Lines and the French Quarter? Nope, again! The world will end in December, 2012? Ding! Ding! Ding! The Astros will not change leagues after the end of next season, because there won’t be any leagues left to change to. Got that, motherfuckers?? Got that, Nolan Ryan, you two-faced, sniveling prick?? Thank the ancient Mayans for that one, motherfucker!! It’s their fault your pitching staff is going to fall apart in the playoffs this year, too, fucker!! It’s all right there, in the goddamn Dresden Codex . . .
My love for you is burning
Like a spark along a fuse
I feel your mark upon me now
As surely as the hand that leaves the bruise
Life is for the living
And life comes hard for some
The rest of us with flesh and blood
Make it hard all alone
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