Bullpen once again comes in and stops the clotting; Astros lose
RED SOX 10, Astros 4
Saturday July 2, 2011
MMPUS
WP: Andrew Miller (2-0, 3.06)
LP: J.A. Happ (3-10, 5.63)
HOUSTON (SnS) – In a replay of their last forty gazillion er, seven-hundred and forty-three um, several dozen games, the Houston Astros showed a few signs of life here and there before giving in and getting completely smoked by the opposition – in this case the AL Boston Red Sox, to the tune of 10-4 here Saturday night.
J.A. Happ got the start for Houston, against lanky lefty Andrew Miller for Boston. Miller resembles the guy driving the van in the Jack-in-the-Box commercials who orders ninety-nine tacos for two cents.
Against the meager Houston offense, however, Miller looked more like Steve Carlton out there than some wayward stoner with the midnight munchies. He took advantage of the Astros inability to take pitches, and sped through the early innings on an assortment of early-in-the-count groundouts and weak pop-ups. When he faltered, the Red Sox grim, bloodless technician of a manager, Terry Francona, called on an excellent assortment of bullpen hands to carry the thing home.
Happ, meantime, got roughed up early, but hung in there tough for awhile after that. He couldn’t last forever, though. Sooner or later he would have to give way to the hellish fucking joke that is the 2011 Astros bullpen. Once those guys took over, the game was safely lost.
BROADCAST BOOTH INTERPLAY. Right at the beginning of the game, JD mentioned that during the current Yankees-Mets interleague series, Yankee 3B Alex Rodriguez had been quoted as saying ascendent Mets star Jose Reyes is “the best baseball player in the world.” JD said he wondered if A-Rod wasn’t just waiting for someone to say, “No, Alex, you’re the best player in the world.” Bagwell laughed and said, “I guarantee you that is what he was thinking.”
BROADCAST BOOTH INTERPLAY, Part 2. JD was talking about Boston’s Adrian Gonzalez moving to RF to make room for Big Papi at 1B during the interleague games. I don’t know Gonzalez, but I guess I always figured he was the decent sort. But apparently, when asked to make the temporary move for the good of the team, Gonzalez told Boston management he’d do it, but he wasn’t going to get himself hurt out there, or dive or even try very hard, unless the ball was right to him. Very gallant of him. I don’t care if he is hitting .450, I would have been very tempted at that point to tell him, “You know what, Adrian? Go fuck yourself. Thanks for nothing, asshole.”
I swear, when I find myself forcing myself to watch one of these ugly, ugly losses this year, in order to turn in a game recap, sometimes I feel like I am going to have an aneurism and fall to the floor, hemorrhaging from my eyes and ears. But I guess it could always be worse. I decided to skip the post-game show tonight and was channel surfing when I realized that, concurrent to the tonight’s game, Comedy Central was rebroadcasting a Dane Cook “comedy” special, in its entirety. Theoretically, I could have been watching that instead.
Thank goodness for small favors.
The Astros have to endure one more game of this stupid, bullshit interleague play for this season, tomorrow at 1:05 in MMPUS vs. these same Red Sox. After that, the home team can go back to having their collective ass handed to them nightly by real, live National League ball clubs.
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Flies all green and buzzing in this dungeon of despair
Who are all those people that he’s locked away down there?
Are they crazy? Are they sainted?
Are they zeros someone painted?
It has never been explained since it first was created
But a dungeon, like a sin
Requires naught but locking in
Of everything that’s ever been
Look at her . . . look at him . . .
That’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
That’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
That’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
That’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
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