The minute particulars of what qualifies for seasonal changes in Houston are subtle. It’s skin deep, quite literally: fall means mosquito bites aren’t part of your complexion any more. Further north and east, hidebound traditions about white clothing and Labor Day still hang on, despite the fact that seersucker cotton would be damned comfortable in Houston in November most years.
For me, the best way to acknowledge the seasonal cycle is by watching the beer calendar. It seems silly that I’ve already been drinking Oktoberfest beers for almost a month, but I’m still sweating through my undershirt by just walking from my office to my parking spot. But as the humidity finally breaks and the patios of our watering holes become habitable again, the malty goodness of a strong Marzen sets the tone just as surely as the first cold snap.
The onset of fall also brings my transition from tequila, bourbon and rye to scotch. It never seemed quite right to drink an Islay when the only thing that’s peat-like is the bartender’s taint. I tried a scotch-fortified cocktail at Anvil last week, and while it was as exquisite you’d expect from them, it was like drinking a Tom Waits song. And that just doesn’t fly when it’s still in the mid-nineties. But if it’s below 90 this weekend, expect to find me standing outside with a highball of Laphroaig, toasting the coming fall.
Also, baseball is still being played, by a team that’s far more fun to watch than the one that played in April.
Monday, September 13th
7:05 CT, MMPUS
Chris Narveson (11-7, 5.20) v. Brett Myers (11-7, 2.91)
Narveson and Myers have identical records, but the pasty and chipper-looking Narveson has had a messier road to his eleven. The local nine hit him quite well; Sweet Baby Bourn sports a 1.267 OPS, and even Tommy Mazella hits .500 off of him.
The Ace With The Pubes On His Chin (hereafter, TAWTPOHC) slaps the Brewers around like a…sorry, still can’t make that joke. Only Casey McGehee, Prince “Here, Brett Wallace. That’s the phone number for my pants tailor. You’re gonna love ’em.” Fielder and Ricky Weeks hit him well at all.
Tuesday, September 14th
7:05 CT, MMPUS
Chris Capuano (3-3, 4.09) v. Bud Norris (7-8, 5.16)
The parade of Chrises continues on Tuesday. Capuano has split time between the rotation and bully this year after being an exclusive starter in past years. I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. Whatever the hell that means. Bourn and Michaels both hit him pretty well, but everyone else is shi-tay.
Budly is coming off a blisteringly hot outing and is looking to get some success against a Brewer team that’s hit him quite well in the past. Mr. Nighttime Sunglasses and McGehee have had particular good luck against him, but Prince (as so rarely happens) goes hungry against him.
Wednesday, September 15th
1:05 CT, MMPUS
Dave Bush (7-12, 4.59) v. J.A. Happ (5-2, 3.08)
Haha…his name is a slang term for vagina and the same as a disliked president! Hur hur hur. Johnson and Blum both beat around the Bush, so a modified lineup with two third basemen sounds like a good plan.
Happ’s continued to show that the Wade/Smith Mothership probably knows what it’s doing with all these ex-Phils. Other than Geary, who was perfectly serviceable for a couple years, there haven’t been any out and out busts from the City of Brotherly Love. He dominates the Brewers, with one infuriating exception: Dave Bush. Really. Motherfucker is hitting 1.000 off him. What’s that? It’s only one at-bat? Oh. Well who fucking cares then?
Astros:
Alberto Arias: I truly cannot think of anything else amusing to say here. Get well for 2011, Al.
Chris Johnson: a sore Johnson is a horrible thing.
Brian Moheler: Brad Mills nods silently. It is time to release him to an ice floe. A single tear trickles down his bald cheek.
“Don’t look.” says Arnsberg, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.
Brewers:
Doug Davis: Threw a successful bullpen session, despite having a Brazilian chin waxing.
LaTroy Hawkins: Struggling with being the only skinny black guy in Wisconsin.
Gregg Zaun: Seriously? Isn’t he like the Jamie Moyer of catchers? I think he caught Vida Blue.
What To Watch For:
Wallace in the 8 Hole: the batting spot that’s also his body shape!
The 2011 rotation, in 2010!
Late-arriving deadlines!