The 2010 Houston Astros
Other than the gallows humour that permeates a season such as this, there is very little to like about watching these dead men walking striking out. Last night was another gem which saw an opposing pitcher get his ERA below 1.00 and Carlos Lee get his BA back below .200. Is Kaz Matsui still available? The team record is now an excrutiating 14-27.
Meanwhile, the (Devil) Rays of Tampa Bay are quietly having a season that is the polar opposite of the Bernies’. Their record is 30-11, which is the best in all the land by a comfortable margin. With the bats, Evan Longoria is the stand out performer, followed by Carl Crawford and then pretty much no one else (although they are no where near as anaemic as the bloodless Astros). It’s the pitching that’s getting the job done.
The Rays are only 8-5 in 1-run games, so it’s clear that they need lockdown performances from the pitching staff to win. It’s also clear that that’s exactly what they’ve been getting. Wade Davis is their “worst” starter, with a 4-3 record and an ERA of 3.35. All of their other starters have heady numbers, and with the current state of complete and utter disarray in the Astros’ lineup, this weekend could be an embarrassment even in this season of perpetual embarrassments.
Minute Maid Park
Where the tranquility of the empty stands makes it easier to enjoy the silence of the bats.
Friday, May 21, 7:05 CDT, FSH-HD
Saturday, May 22, 6:05 CDT, MLB TV WTF?
Sunday, May 23, 1:05 CDT, FSH-HD
Probable Pitching Match-Ups
Friday: Garza (5-1, 2.38) vs. Myers (2-3, 3.67)
Garza’s loss came at home when he got touched up (NTTAWWT) by the Blue Jays for 5 runs in 5 innings. Otherwise, he’s been nails, only once failing to go at least 7 innings. His record against Houston is 0-1, because he lost the series opener to Oswalt in 2008 after I lit a fire under that iteration of an underperforming Astros team. I doubt he’ll make that mistake again. There are no significant at-bats by the Astros against Garza, but such info would be pointless this year.
Myers is a fighter, both on the mound and (allegedly) anywhere else where people haven’t learned to keep their mouth shut. The ERA ain’t too bad and the record is mostly due to not getting any run support. We all know that he’s not alone in suffering from that malaise, but it’s also true that he has to work hard because I don’t remember many of his innings being clean (unlike his shirts, otherwise you’re asking for it).
Jeff Niemann
Saturday: Niemann (3-0, 2.54) vs. Rodriguez (2-5, 4.30)
Niemann is not a handsome man. He was also lifted from his first start after only 1 out in the 2nd inning. Other than that, everything about Niemann as a pitcher looks Rosie rosy. He pitches deep into games and doesn’t lose. That’s simply not fair.
Wandy has been the definition of “meh“, this year. But he is left-handed, so he has that going for him. He was one of the starters in the Astros’ remarkable 2 of 3 series in St. Pete in 2008, but his start was the loss, albeit one that was hung around the grumpy throbbing-veined neck of Doug Brocail. Our lefty has been giving up runs at a consistant rate this year but, because of the criminally comedic defense this year, many of them were unearned.
Sunday: Price (6-1, 1.81) vs. Norris (2-5, 6.75)
Price is the pick of the Rays’ pitching litter. He’s also left-handed. He’s lost only once this year, when the White Sox roughed him up to the tune of 3 runs in 5 innings on a (presumably) cold April day in Chi-Town. Yeah, I said “roughed him up” because, relatively speaking, that was a bad day at the office for Price. He gave up only 7 runs in April (3 in one game to the aforementioned southsiders) – the whole frikkin’ month – and has given up only 7 so far in May (including 3 unearned).
Taking this one for the team will be Bud Norris. He has beaten the Co-Ards in New Jake City twice this year (you may show your pleasure), including an 8 inning, 1 run gem early this month. Otherwise he’s been fucking rubbish. That’s a shame because we were hoping for better things from him this year. From what little I have watched of Bud, he seems afraid to induce contact by the hitters, which gets him into trouble. But with this defense and offense behind him, it’s hard to blame him.
Giveaways and Promotions
Friday is a Coca Cola Value Night which gets you a whole bunch of shit – including the 2010 Astros – for $65 and 2 bottles of fizzy sugar water. If you ask me, there is only “value” in this if the “specially marked” bottles have the secret ingredient put back in them. Friday is also the time of the post-game fireworks, sponsored by Transocean Marathon Oil.
Sweet Bobble Bourn
Saturday is Michael “Sweet Baby” Bourn Bobblehead night. The first 10,000 fans get to grab one, then I suggest you leave and go and do something fun. It’s actually quite a cool looking thingy.
For Sunday, H-E-B will subsidise you for a view deck seat, a hot dog, a soda, chips and a dry ass-pounding – all for $10. Minute Maid and Kroger have also laid on some more kid-appropriate entertainment in Union Station, for those aged 5 to 14.
Injury Report
Rays: J.P. Howell (P) has shoulder weakness and is expected to undergo surgery; they are trying to make Matt Joyce (RF) go to rehab, but he said no, no, no; and Kelly Shoppach (C) had a “good lower body workout” (I’m serious) earlier this month and is expected back soon – but probably not for this series.
Astros: Arias is still done for the year; Byrdak is still left-handed, rubbish, and nursing a hammy; while J.R. Towles’ thumb is still broken and still shoved up his butt.
In Conclusion
The Rays are head-and-shoulders the best team in baseball right now. Conversely, the Astros aren’t quite the worst team in baseball right now, but they could be come Sunday evening. In fact, given that the Baltimore Horrioles are playing in Washington this weekend, it’s a distinct possibility. I suggest you suspend your Astros fanaticism, sit back, and enjoy watching a really good team do its thing.