It’s a simple message and I’m leaving out the whistles and bells
That was a tough road trip. I’m not sure what was worse, getting a Johnny Wad-style pounding by the Cubs or losing two-of-three to the Jakes. Who am I kidding? It was the 4-game set in Chicago. The games against the Co-Ards were all winnable, they aren’t a terrible team and they were at home (advantage Thirds, even if their stadium is named after an untimely reminder to go and see your waxologist).
Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
I saw very little of this weekend’s series, to be honest. I tuned in on Friday night late in the game with the teams knotted at 1-1. That didn’t last long. So on Saturday, when I checked the score on my iPhone and saw it was similar to Friday’s, I stayed away. Apparently, if you’re rank with negative karma, there’s an app for that. So I avoided Sunday’s game, and Bud Norris’ debut start, completely and both he and the Astros were better for it.
Not to put too fine a point on it, say I’m the only bee in your bonnet
So here we are, back under .500 and 4.5 games back of the two teams who just gave us a 2-5 beatdown. Berkman and Hawkins on the DL where Oswalt and Wandy may be joining him. A rookie in the rotation, Ortiz DFA’d for being “ineffective” and Hampton taking the ball in tonight’s series opener despite being worse lately than Ortiz. Things don’t look anywhere near as rosy as they did this time last week.
Which stood on rocky shores and kept the beaches shipwreck free
So to this week. The Astros, losers of 4 of their last 5 games, play host to the Giants of San Francisco, winners of 4 of their last 5. And 6 of their last 7. OK, that does include a sweep of that bunch of empty uniforms known as the Pittsburgh Pirates, but it also included beating the Phillies 3 out of 4 too. They sport a record of 58-47, but I think that any record from a team coming out of the western division has to be flattering.
Minute Maid Park
Monday, August 3, 7:05pm CST
Tuesday, August 4, 7:05pm CST
Wednesday, August 5, 1:05pm CST
I have a ticket for Tuesday night, so I hope I’m not going to bear witness to another meltdown.
Probable Match-Ups
Monday
Cain (12-2, 2.12) vs. Hampton (6-8, 5.36)
Matt Cain just 3-hit the Pirates, but then, who couldn’t? He’s on a roll, however, looking for his fourth straight win and to become the NL’s first 13-game winner. His numbers speak for themselves although quite a few of the 12 wins were against the Pads, D-Bags and ‘Roots (2). He’s only lost twice, however and, from what I can see, has only had three bad outings this year. But when I say “bad”, that’s bad by his standards, not by say, Hampton’s. Kaz, Kepp, Kabong and Pence hit him well (the last two in limited at-bats, however). Blum and Tejada are merely “meh”.
Speaking of Hampton, he gave up 6 runs in the first inning against Chicago last week, which is more runs than Cain has given up in any of his starts this year. Mike, famously, has only really done well against the Pirates this year and otherwise has, at best, been sub-par and at worst, horrendous. He does have a very healthy career record against SF, 15-4, so there is that. Aslo, there are very few current Jints with numbers against Hampy – and only Fred Lewis stands out as having any kind of success. San Fran’s squatting Molina (watch out for the cornhole, bud) has an oh-fer and Aurelia is at .224 with nearly 50 at-bats (but he’s on the DL anyway).
Tuesday
Sanchez (4-9, 4.81) vs. Oswalt (6-4, 3.61)
Jonathan Sanchez’ most recent win was last time out against the Phils, although he barely went far enough to qualify (5.2 innings). Prior to that, he has beaten the Pads, Arizona and Atlanta (see my point earlier about west coast teams having flattering records). He actually pitched a no-hitter against the Pads but, otherwise, is lucky to make it through 6 and quite often doesn’t make it through 5. There are very limited at-bats to date for the Astros, so let’s just not bother with this bit.
Oswalt is pencilled in for the start according to the Associated Press, but not according to the MLB At-Bat app on my iPhone. Here’s hoping that the AP is correct, because I don’t know who the fuck will take the ball if Roy can’t go. He beat the Giants earlier in the year with an 8-inning gem, but who knows what we’ll get this time out even if he does start. Here’s hoping that Hampton doesn’t shit the bed Monday night, because it may be all hands to the pumps for this one. Roy has good numbers up and down the Jints’ lineup, with only Aurelia, Lewis and Freddie Sanchez doing any serious damage.
Wednesday
TBD vs. Moehler (7-6, 4.99)
I don’t know what the deal is here with the Giants rotation, even though it’s actually my job to know this stuff. If you’ve got a problem with that, I’ll agree to a 50% pay cut right now.
Moehler had been showing signs of life lately, but has a loss and a no decision in his last two starts. He got knocked around by the Noodle York Mets for the loss, which is simply embarrassing. Also embarrassing is the fact that Freddie Sanchez has a pair of Brian’s panties nailed to his trophy wall (11-19 with 5 doubles), although I really think he should give them to Randy Winn (15-27 with 6 doubles). Conversely, Lewis, Renteria and Molina rarely get past first base with Brian.
Ian Dury Report
San Francisco: Lowry, Martinez, Pichardo and Johnson have all been hit with a rhythm stick and are on the 60-day DL. Too much sex and drugs has put Aurelia, Schierholtz and Torres on the 15-day, while Sanchez (Freddie) and Rowland are trying to rock ‘n’ roll despite some (non-butthole) soreness.
Houston: The list of Astros who aren’t from Billaricky and, therefore, aren’t doing very well includes Berkman, Erstad, Hawkins and Boone – all officially DL’d, while Oswalt and Rodriguez (Wandy) are both ailing and left their last starts early with strains of various body parts.
Notable Giveaways
A Russ Ortiz is available for anyone who wants him. Please come to the promotions booth behind Section 119.
Monday is the big night this week – a free 3,000th hit DVD to the first 10,000 fans (and anyone showing up at any time to the Diamond Club). Presumably this is in regards to Carig Biggio’s 3,000th hit, and not the Giants’ 3,000th hit off Astros pitching this night.
Double Play Tuesday means two $2 tickets for the outfield deck with any two 32oz bottles of PowerAde.
Nothing for Wednesday, but you do get to goof off work in the afternoon.
Lagniappe
Cooper dumping the hard-trying Ortiz, only to see his next starter implode on the mound in one inning and his two aces tweak themselves out of the game, has all the tragi-comic elements of some of the great works of literature. We will never know how things would have fared this season if the manager had been thrown under the bus as fast he he likes to throw his players, but I suspect that it could only have been better. For now, we all just have to soldier on until Uncle Dratie sees the light (by which I mean, hears some boos), or Doug Brocail has a ‘Nam flashback and frags his C.O.
I’m your only friend
I’m not your only friend
But I’m a little glowing friend
But really I’m not actually your friend
But I am