Sunday May 10, 2009
Astros 12, Padres 5
WP: Oswalt (1-2) LP: Geer (0-1)
Alyson Footer (in tight slacks)
HOUSTON (SnS) – After screwing around for two games, scraping together little leads against the visiting San Diego Padres and then blowing them or almost blowing them. . . two days of bullpen meltdowns and complicated managerial decisions consisting primarily of “no, no, no” and “yes, yes, yes”, the Houston Astros went out this afternoon and dropped a motherfucking soup bone on the visiting Friars of South California, winning 12-5 and securing a series sweep before a delighted crowd of Astros partisans bedecked in pink and various combinations of brick red and black. Carlos Lee, Pudge Rodriguez and Miguel Tejada were the big bats for Houston (Lance Berkman sat out his third straight game), helping starter Roy Oswalt to his first win of 2009.
A Mother’s Day crowd of 30,023 at the Juice Can saw erstwhile ace Oswalt (0-2. 4.26) take the hill against the Padres Josh Geer (0-0, 3.96), a Dallas native and Rice University alum. After the first two games of this series, when neither offense distinguished itself or even showed much in the way of vital signs, a casual observer could be forgiven for assuming this contest, too, would be a low-scoring affair.
Au contraire, ma mère. With Berkman out of commission again, middle of the order big guns Lee (3-4, 4 RBIs, HR) and Tejada (3-5, 4 RBIs, HR) wielded their mighty pink bats and picked up the slack, while Pudge-Rod chipped in big time from the 7-hole (4-4. 2 RBI, 3B, HR). This gave Oswalt some unaccustomed run support, and he made the most of it, scattering six hits – including two 2-run home runs – over a lackluster six innings to up his record this season to 1-2. Hopefully, the win will help Roy keep a grip on his sanity – he mentioned in an interview that part of his trouble this season may be that, “I’ve kind of lost my mind.” That and, from time to time, control of his curve ball.
The Astros got things going the bottom of the first, startling everyone by scoring three runs, highlighted by a two-run jack by Tejada. They threatened to score more, but left two men on when 8th place hitter and TZ demi-god Jeff Keppinger grounded out to end the inning.
After scoring two more in the second, the mighty Houstons struck again in the fourth, finally chasing SD starter Geer by adding on 4 runs, highlighted by an RBI double by super-hot El Caballo Lee and a run-scoring triple onto Tal’s Hill by Pudge-Rod. I really hope Geer’s mom wasn’t at the game today, because her son didn’t pitch very well, and got hisself keel-hauled. No una vista bonita, mi madre.
Oswalt, on the other hand, cruised through the first five innings, only hitting a bump in the 4th by surrendering a two-run dong to SD LF Chase Headley. After Scott Hairston followed up the homer by drilling a double to left, one started to get that “uh-oh” feeling one gets nowadays when Roy-o is on the mound; but the Koskiusko Konundrum killed any further spreading of negative waves by striking out Kevin Kouzmanoff and Nick Hundley in quick succession to close out the frame.
The Mississippi Mystery ran into trouble again in the sixth, however. In possession of a 9-2 lead now, Oswalt opened the inning by giving up a single to Padres SS Luis Gonzalez, followed by a monster home run to left-center by Adrian Gonzalez. He regrouped to retire the next two Padre batters, then gave up a single to PH Brian Giles, and a walk to Nick Hundley. Fighting hard now, Oswalt battled ex-Astro Chris Burke (who, by the way, made two errors at SS in a solid contribution to his former team’s victory) to a 2-2 count, before getting the former golden boy of the stathead types to pop out weakly into foul territory behind third, ending the threat of any further damage.
Oswalt was done after that, but a bullpen combination of Tim Byrdak, Alberto Arias, and (mostly) Chris Sampson held the fort, the only blemish being a quick, long home run off of Byrdak in the top of the 7th by San Diego leadoff hitter Jody Gerut. The Astros played add-on in the 8th, highlighted by a triple by Gunther Pence, a 2-run homer by Lee, and a solo shot by Rodriguez. Extraneous, yes, but fun to watch, anyway. War es nicht, meine Mutter?
After a well-deserved day off on Monday, the Astros head to the rarified environs of Rockie-land to take on the Colorados, starting Tuesday evening, Mountain Time.
(The writer apologizes if there are any gaps or inconsistencies in this report, as he was watching the game while also a.) helping his niece take a PolySci final on-line and, b.) eating about 30 oysters on the half shell – washed down by 1 or 2 beers, approximately – during the Mother’s Day cookout/fish fry. Talis est vita , meus matris.)