Sexay!
It’s frightening and ugly, but it’ll work. An ugly win is a win all the same, just as Ms. Lewis is (according to Science) a woman. Russ Ortiz (who has captained the team to a 3-0 record in games he’s started) had trouble finding the strike zone, the offense left nine runners on base, and Jose Valverde’s Ghost walked a batter to start the ninth, but when the smoke cleared, the Good Guys were up 3-2 on the Brew Crew, closing out a messy homestand 4-6.
Fortunately, the Brewers were as bad at scoring runners as the Astros have been, stranding twelve runners in scoring position. Were it not for Prince Fielder, that number would’ve been 13, but when Mike Cameron doubled in the 2nd, Fielder the Lesser decided to take advantage of Carlos Lee’s, um, whatever it is that makes him take five minutes to field a ball in the left field corner. Fielder rounded third so wide, it looked like they’d brought the Rodeo chuckwagon races from Reliant to MMPUS. He scored, putting the Brewers up 1-0.
The Astros made the Brewers pay for walking the fearsome bat of Ortiz in the 3rd, stringing together singles from Bourn and Lee along with the first of two Brewer errors to plate two runs. The Brewers responded in the 4th with another double by Cameron, who was eventually driven in by Jason Freaking Kendall, who may finally be blossoming into the player Peter Gammons told me he’d be 15 years ago.
Pudge took Manny Parra deep to left-center in the bottom of the 4th, giving up the only insurance run that the team needed. Pudge capped a strong homestand, leaving H-town with a batting average .040 points higher than he came in with, and signs that the game hasn’t passed him by after all. He also caught Weeks stealing in the 2nd, and repeated the favor in the 8th, gunning down Kendall.
Ortiz managed to scare us pretty well in the 5th, walking consecutive batters with two out before forcing Cameron to fly out. Coop had seen enough, sending out Double Dub, Sampson, Brocail, and Hawk in succession to keep the Brewers on ice. CUE THE DRAMATIC MUSIC.
Will Jose Valverde get in a time machine, retrieve himself from 2008, slap some dumb-ass glasses on his replacement’s face as the worst disguise ever, and send 2008 Ponche out to close the game?
Or…
Will Jose Valverde use a walker to get the to mound, all the while insisting that his back is fine, and proceed to give up the only five-run home run in history and blow the lead?
Fortuntately, it was the former. And there was much rejoicing. Astros 3, Brewers 2. Let’s go to Cincinnati and kick some Ohio Valley ass!