Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy
Real life? No. Fantasy? Only if you actually know how to say “FLŰGGÅƏNK∂€ČHIŒβØL∫ÊN”, but would choose not to. For the record, that word can only be said in Cincinnati, as it is the particular sound made when one passes out in a bowl of skyline chili and starts snoring.
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
No doubt.
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
Yikes
Great American Ballpark
Monday, April 27, 6:10 pm CDT – FiSH (no word if the HD feed will be working)
Tuesday, April 28, 6:10 pm CDT – FiSH
Wednesday, April 29, 6:10 pm CDT – FiSH
The good news here folks is that, if there is anywhere on this good Earth where Lance Berkman can get his stroke back, it’s here in this mid-west, dolled up, trollop of a baseball stadium.
Monday
Oswalt (0-2, 4.68) vs. Cueto (1-1, 2.55)
Roy-oh, Roy-oh, Roy! We have not seen the best of Oswalt so far this year, save for one start – against the Reds as luck would have it. Otherwise, the “Oswalt Inning” has become the “Oswalt Start” as he has been getting teabagged by balls both long and not so long. But we can have hope here folks, as Roy is 23-1 lifetime against the Reds, 7-1 in this ballpark and 1-0 on this season. Álex González (WTF?), and Ramón Hernández both torch Roy, which apparently has something to do with the accents, while John Vander Wal and Daryle Ward don’t.
Johnny Cueto is coming off an impressive 7 inning shut-out of the FTCs in Wriggly, which is where he earned his win. He also started one of the games in Houston, a game they went on to win, but left prior to the end of the 4th inning. In his only start of 2009 in the TFB, he got knocked around by the Pirates which accounted for his loss. His record against Astros hitters is not good if you’re him, as Berkman, Bourn, Lee, Matsui, Oswalt and Byrdak all regularly take him to the woodshed. Only Pudge and Jason Smith have let the side down.
Tuesday
Rodríguez (1-2, 1.80) vs. Harang (2-2, 2.00)
If Roy has been the been the dog then Wandy has been the dinner. He has tossed quality starts in every outing and has been left hanging by the anemic offense – getting zero run support in each of his losses. He did get the win in Houston against the Reds when he pitched 7 strong innings and the offense gave him a cushion to sit on after the 1st. Hairston, Jr., Hopper and Votto have all got to Wandy in the past, while Bruce (sub-Men Dozing Line), González and Phillips have not.
Harang
The Harangoutang (thanks Jane) is a big fat gumby of a man who makes my face hurt just thinking about him. Unfortunately, I have to suffer this for you, but at least I can report that Tuesday’s game is a rematch of the Houston set-to in which he got the business from both ends. He has pitched well in his other starts, and even tossed a CGSO against the Pirates. It’s really only Blum and Lee who sport standout numbers against Aaron, while Erstad and Pence each bring a mighty .167 average into the box with them. Berkman is merely “meh”.
Wednesday
Paulino (0-1, 3.00) vs. Vólquez (2-2, 6.20)
Felipe is slotted to start this game because the club decided that Moehler needed another re-hab start – which is code for “Paulino looks shitloads better than Brian, so let’s give the kid another chance”. The Brewers got a little tipsy at Felipe’s expense last Friday, but the Astros wasted his solid debut against the Reds (have we played anyone else this year?) where he three-hit them for six scoreless innings. The Batter vs. Pitcher stats are so sparse as to be irrelevant.
A bulb appeared to light up above Edinson’s head (get it?) after his first couple of outings, which has enabled him to bring his ERA down to 6.20. This included the prerequisite game against Houston where he was effectively wild, walking 5, striking out 7 and giving up a solitary run. Again, not much history here but, of what there is, Berkman, Matsui and Pudge will remember it fondly, while Bourn, Erstad and Tejeda will not.
Injury Report
Houston: Quintero will undergo elective surgery to have Mike Cameron removed from his armpit; Moehler has been exiled to Corpus Christi; Boone is hopefully not watching any of this shit, otherwise his heart may break again; and Backe is still strained.
Cincinnati: Other than Harang’s chronic face ache, they are healthy.
Notable Giveaways
Pretty much fuck all, apart from Wednesday when the over 60s can get a half-price, non-premium ticket provided they get their shit together to buy the ticket by Tuesday. I’m not kidding. I thought Marge Schott was run out of town?
Lagniappe
I guess I picked the wrong year to buy a mini-season pass. As it happens, I am 2-2 on the year, which is a much better percentage than the club has overall or at home. I saw the OD groanfest, Wandy’s gem, the Chuck Valverde stunner and the Billingsley blur. It’s actually turned out to include a number of this season’s talking points. I’d give it all up, though, for a decent run of wins.
Any way the wind blows…