Cubs @ Astros – Dead Beat Cubs (May 19-21, 2008)

LORD, HERE COME THE CUBS

Puppies of N. Chicago (27-17) at Astros (25-20)

Minute Maid Park
501 Crawford St.
Houston, TX 77002

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The Shit-head Cubbies – the favorite team of such luminaries as Warren Buffet, Bill Murray, Jim Belushi, Pat Sajak (I must say), and John Cusack, as well as George Will, Hillary Clinton, Dick Cheney, and many, many other similar nitwits, drunks, deluded freaks, and just plain losers – are off to a pretty good start this season. The Suck-ass Cubs have been in first place in the NL Central pretty much from the get-go, and currently sport a nifty 27-17 record. That might be a little bit deceptive, though; due to freak scheduling and/or Katy Feeney, the Cubs have already played the perennial-loser Pirates nine times this season, and are a less gaudy 19-16 in games when they don’t. On the other hand, the Fuck-wad Cubs are 5-0 against Arizona and the steM, much better teams. What sort of team are they this year, really? Something between piss-poor and kick-ass, I guess.

The home team is coming off a really nice road trip, including a sweet (and rare) 6-1 West Coast swing, through LA and SF. Getting stomped by the Rangers in Dallas, Richards-, um. . . Arlington this weekend was a bit of a downer, but the Astros did at least salvage the final game, to regain some momentum for the upcoming home stand.

On this home stand, the Astros will be facing two good and heating-up teams, the Cubs and the Phillies, at what I fear is exactly the wrong time. The starting pitching is starting to look shaky (well, shakier), and if Roy Oswalt has to miss very many starts coming up due to some injury in his nether reaches, well, things could get ugly quickly. One positive note is Brandon Backe has been pitching better lately – but Shawn Chacon has not been, and Chris Sampson (“Flotsam”) and Brian Moehler (“Jetsam”) are just stopgaps, at best. I love how the team has been playing lately, all the streaks and offense and comebacks, etc., but goddamn, if the starting rotation simply evaporates, at some point that is likely to catch up with them.

Of course, I could be wrong.

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• Game 1: Monday May 19, 2008 – 6:05 p.m. CDT (FSN, ESPN)

• Game 2: Tuesday May 20, 2008 – 7:05 p.m. CDT (FSN)

• Game 3: Wednesday May 21, 2008 – 7:05 p.m. CDT (FSN)

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The Cubs picked up Anaheim Jimmy Edmonds last Thursday, after the Padres released him. That is just perfect. The Cubs have been getting a little bit hard to hate lately, at least individually, since so many of the dyed-in-the-wool supreme a-holes from past Cub squads have been traded away in recent seasons. Oh, it is always easy to hate the Cubs generally, and their stupid-ass fans, but acquiring Edmonds means there is a tangible figure to focus my bile on again. Mr. Highlights has only played in one game so far since he was obtained; the Pirates threw a slew of lefties at the Cubs over the weekend, and Edmonds will apparently be platooned in CF with Reed Johnson. We may see him all three games.

Another good thing about Chicago getting Edmonds is that means the Astros won’t. I know, I know, cold day in hell and all that, but there were a few temporarily insane TZ dwellers considering it last week, and we all know how McLane listens to the fans. Anaheim Jimmy in the Astros lineup might have just been a little too much, even for me.

Speaking of a little too much for me, plans are in full swing for this year’s Memorial Day block party gala on my street, which is happening next Monday. I went Friday and ordered 30 kegs of beer, and picked up ribs and sausage and chicken. Cut up a bunch of pecan wood for the smoker, so I think I am ready on my end. This year we included two more streets – another neighborhood – in the festivities. Should be fun. If anything vaguely interesting happens, like last year, I’ll be sure and report back.

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Pitching Matchups

Monday
LHP Ted Lilly (4-4, 5.33) vs. RHP Brian Moehler (1-0, 4.58)

Ted Lilly started badly and wilted at the beginning of 2008 – after his first four starts he was 0-3, 9.16 – but since that low point he has flowered, and has pitched pretty well. In his next five outings his record bloomed to 4-1, 3.09; his last time out, on last Thursday against the Padres in Chi-car-go (as my Aunt Gwen pronounces it), Lilly did not pitch particularly well (4 ERs in 6 IP) but struck out 11 and picked up the win. Lilly’s L-R splits are basically even, and he pitches much better at home (4.55 ERA) than on the road (6.63). He is a high strikeout pitcher, with a good fastball, and a very good curve and changeup. He has control trouble off and on. . . Brian Moehler gave the Astros a solid emergency start last week in SF (5 IP, 8 H, 3 ER) and picked up a win, but anyone who expects something like that to repeat itself is a lot more optimistic than I am. Nothing against Moehler, who is only doing as well as he can at what he has been asked to do, but if he ends up with several starts for the Astros this year, you can pretty much assume the season went into the toilet about midway through, due to starting pitching injuries most likely.

Tuesday
RHP Ryan Dempster (5-1, 2.35) vs. RHP Chris Sampson (2-3, 6.63)

Ryan Dempster is a Canadian right-hander the Cubs picked up in 2004, after the hoser had struggled through several injury-riddled years as a starter. They converted Dempster to closer, and he did pretty well. With an opening in the rotation this spring, Dempster stepped up and has so far been great – good strike out numbers and a WHIP right at 1.00, to go with the 5-1, 2.35 record. He very nearly picked up a complete game shutout in his last outing, against the Friars of S. California. . . Chris Sampson is a barely serviceable MLB starter who will give you a nice outing here and there, amidst a lot of mediocrity. Much like Moehler, the Astros hopes for 2008 may be directly inversely proportionate to how big a role Sampson plays in the starting rotation this year.

Wednesday
RHP Sean Gallagher (1-0, 4.40) vs. RHP Shawn Chacon (0-0, 4.40)

Sean Patrick Gallagher is a goofy-looking right-handed starter, out of Florida by way of Boston (of course,) who is getting a chance with the Cubs in the rotation since Rich Hill crapped out and got sent down. I am pretty sure he is not the guy from Dr. Who, or one of the brothers from Oasis. But I am not absolutely sure. . . After having been known as the hard-luck starter who threw well but didn’t get timely support and thus had no decisions through his first seven starts, Shawn Chacon pretty much had his ass handed to him by the Giants in his most recent start, and is now known as the guy who was lucky enough to get a no-decision when his team came back late and took him off the hook for a loss.

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Injuries

Chicago – Daryle Ward (1B-PH), bulging disk, 15-day DL. (Heavy D’s injury made room on the roster for former Lamar University 1B Micah Hoffpauir. . . Hoffpauir is a slugging lefty who is a career minor-leaguer getting his first shot at 28.)

Houston – Wandy Rodriguez (LHP), groin injury, indefinitely; Geoff Geary (RHP), groin injury, 15-day DL. Roy Oswalt may or may not be injured, maybe in his groin, maybe in his hip, maybe not. He might miss his next start, in the upcoming Philadelphia series. Or he might not.

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Cubs sweep the series, 3-0.

For now we see through a glass, darkly. For now we see in a mirror, dimly.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But the reality of the baseball season is definitely not kind or patient, and it can be damn rude, as we know.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. Right. And I also put together a good enough starting rotation that I didn’t have to worry about it four out of every five fucking games. And then, my loins properly girded, I went forth into the battle.

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You may follow the game action as it unfolds in the Game Zone.

Changes come before we can grow,
Learn to see them before we’re too old
Don’t just take me for tryin’ to be heavy,
Understand, it’s time to get ready for the storm.

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