September 5, 2007
Astros 2, Brewers 14
W: Gallardo (7-4) | L: Albers (4-7)
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Oh, man. That was gruesome. At least the pain came quickly, with the Brewers scoring in each of the first 4 innings, leaving the Astros down by 11 runs before they recorded 12 outs. Bernie Brewer went through 3 pairs of slacks last night, burning friction holes in each from all the post-smokey afterglow sliding. If he still landed in the giant beer stein, Bernie would’ve succumbed to alcohol poisoning before the 7th inning stretch.
Albers was down the creek sans paddle right from the start, unable to get a strike call down in the zone. When he found the plate, it was batting practice, with the Brewers launching a pair of 3-run bombs and a run-scoring double off of him in 3 innings. Much was made of Braun’s stupefying display of dipshittery as he preened and sashayed his way up the baseline following his homer, but Albers didn’t last long enough to dust him off in the following AB. The grandstanding was so complete that Bonds, Griffey and Pooholes all called to offer him congratulations on his form and execution. Truly a masterwork from the rookie. Braun immediately became the unifying conversational theme that got the broadcast crew through the night, well into the post-game.
Paulino and Towles both made their ML debuts last night, neither terribly auspicious. Towles was just a pinch-hit popup, but Paulino struggled with his location and gave up 5 runs in 3 innings. The ‘Stros offense accomplished nothing until Scott launched a 2-run shot in the 9th off of Ray King, who still appears to have swallowed Tony Gwynn.
Today’s an off-day for travel and deep contemplation, as Coop braces himself for the inevitable phone call from Drayton, admonishing this new losing spirit the club has adopted. Hang in there, Coop. Friday’s a new series, and a new wild swing of opinion from the boss.