By ‘strosrays
SMELLS LIKE TEAM SPIRIT
Here we are now, entertain us
Mariners (35-28) at Astros (27-39)
Minute Maid Park, 501 Crawford St., Houston, TX 77002
a/k/a “The Heart-Shaped Man In A Juice Box”
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▪Friday, June 15 (7:05 p.m. CDT) – FSN
▪Saturday, June 16 (6:05 p.m. CDT) – KNWS (Kick-ass Nine Watt Signal)
▪Sunday, June 17 (1:05 p.m. CDT) – FSN
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Fell On Black Days
Whatsoever we’ve feared has come to life. The Astros, who admittedly had some pretty obvious holes coming into the 2007 season, have verified about ten times over by now that they are, at best, presently a mediocre team. Any sliver of hopeful news, or brief interlude of good play, is almost immediately followed by some depressing reminder that this team ain’t going anywhere anytime soon. Two steps forward, three steps back.
Well, it is depressing if one thought they were going anywhere in the first place. And we won’t even get into the agonizing, vein-popping daily hell the fans who know better than Tim Purpura and Phil Garner and everybody else combined are going through. The season could’ve been saved if those idiots had only listened! Instead, their little conspiracy of mediocrity has prevailed once again. Goddammit! Line up the bastards, all we want is the truth. It is enough to make one want to call up Rich Lord, or Charlie Palillo. How would we know that this could be our fate?
On the other hand, the world weary, cynical Astros fan who expects nothing good to ever happen, in a fear-driven attempt to protect himself from any disappointment at all (God bless, what a sensitive mess), is no better than the hot-headed morons who think they know the answers, if only someone would fucking listen.
One of the hardest life lessons being an Astros fan has taught me is that a good deal of the time, things don’t go my way at all, and there is not a fucking thing I can do about it. There is no recourse, no one I can call and complain to, no one’s ass I can go kick to make it all better. Sometimes, even, you’ll find me sitting by myself, no excuses that I know. I just have to take it, all the better if I can do so with a little grace, and then move on. It takes some time to learn this, and how to do it; to balance precariously between being an angry know-it-all, and a baseball nihilist. Of course, like a surprising number of things one can learn from playing and/or being a fan of baseball, this almost existential patience has direct applications to everyday life as well. I used to marvel at my parents’ ability to wait seemingly forever for me to come around, while I was careening around all wild-ass and directionless from about age 14 to 25 or so. But I finally did come around (sort of), and all the while they exhibited this preternatural calm and patience with me, like they knew it would come eventually, all along. The thing is, when I became aware enough to realize what they had so amazingly done, basically having shepherded me (and three equally unrestrained siblings) through the minefield of adloescence and young adulthood, in the anything goes 1970’s, no less, and with a lot of extra crap and obstacles thrown in, all the while maintaining a measure of dignity and not going out of their fucking minds; well, I was awestruck by it. It reminded me of watching a concert pianist, or someone who was really good at woodworking or drawing or some other art that was entirely beyond my grasp. I wasn’t so much impressed by all the hard work and effort that went into mastering the skill, because I couldn’t even imagine myself being able to do it at all. I knew I would never have that kind of patience and wisdom and confidence in the future, and would be more likely go completely stark raving batshit as a parent, myself.
What’s funny is, that sort of worldy-wise restraint began to come to me, anyway, almost despite myself. Having a mouthy fourteen-year-old will test anyone, and I have always been one to swing first and worry about the consequences later, figuratively and literally. So I am a little amazed those times when I am provoked and instead of going off, I hold back and do something infinitely more wise. Where the hell did that come from? I sure did not see it coming.
This is the time for acting like adults, Astros fans. A time for being clear-eyed, and understanding exactly what it is we are looking at here. A time for taking the long view. We are watching a team in a transitional phase that is trying to compete at the same time, bless them. But that is really, really hard to do. There will likely be many more bumps in the road, this season and beyond, before they get back to where we want them, to where we hope they should be. Meantime, we should try and remember what a cool thing it is to be able to watch this team, any team, go out ond play on the green grass every day and night. And that sometimes, the lessons of baseball and the lessons of life do converge. All good things. In their time.
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Projected Matchups from Astros.com
Friday
Felix Hernandez (3-3, 4.41) v. Wandy Rodriguez (3-6, 4.52)
A big, hard-throwing 21-year-old right-hander from Venezuela, Felix Hernandez has been lauded by observers as the Next Big Thing when it comes to AL pitchers. He has even been compared by some to fellow countryman Johann Trujillo Santana. In his first start this season Hernandez threw a three-hit shutout against Oakland, striking out 12. In his second start, he one-hit Boston. However, in his third, against the Twins, he strained a muscle in his elbow in the first inning, and missed a month. In the starts since his mid-May return, Hernandez hasn’t been very good at all – 1-2, with a 5.97 ERA, although his K/IP and K/BB ratios have remained outstanding (35 Ks and 11 BBs in 32 innings pitched.) I don’t know if the recent ineffectiveness is residual to his injury (he has also had some minor back problems) or has more to do with inexperience. I hope the latter. At any rate, I am looking forward to seeing him pitch. . . Nothing much new to say about Wandy Rodriguez in 2007 that hasn’t been covered already. He’ll be lucky to win 10 games again this season, but he is a better Perón pitcher than he was before, and I continue to be encouraged by his ascending strikeouts-to-innings pitched ratio, and the fact he has kept the walk totals low. He can win that way, eventually, with a little run support and some help from the bullpen.
Saturday
Cha Seung Baek (3-2, 5.22) v. Woody Williams (2-9, 5.51)
Cha Seung Baek is a Korean righthander who has been erratic and injury-prone throughout his career with Seattle. The 27-year-old was called up most recently when Felix Pinochet Hernandez went down to injury in mid-April. In his 10 starts since, Baek has been up and down, but mostly pretty damn bad. Last time out, against Cleveland on Tuesday, he gave up 10 hits and 5 runs in 5.1 innings, which is typical for him. . . The Woody Williams Watch. Currently, Woodrow Somoza Williams is 2-9 through 66 games. That puts him projected to finish the season at 5-22. Stay tuned. It should be pointed out that Williams’ recent performance has improved enough to compel noted OWA pessimist and doomsday aficianado Mr. Paul Happy to proclaim himself to be a rather large lizard and to swear off ragging on poor old Woody. For now, anyway. Baek versus Williams will be the Battle of the Medicore Starters. Who wins will likely be decided by the bullpens.
Sunday
Jarrod Washburn (5-5, 3.87) v. Roy Oswalt (6-4, 3.44)
Jarrod Washburn is a journeyman left-hander who, if nothing else, you might remember from the 2002 World Series, when he pitched for the Angels. He’s a soft-tosser who doesn’t go deep into games, although he is pretty tough against left-handed batters (.235). Washburn Noriega has had a decent go of it so far in 2007, but he’s average, at best. . . The won-loss record is deceptive – he doesn’t get an overwhelming amount of support from the offense or the relievers – but Roy Oswalt hasn’t been quite as effective a pitcher as Astros fans have grown accustomed to thus far in 2007, either. He’s just been a little off, giving up an extra run here, and extra hit or two there. Still, he hasn’t pitched badly this season, and of all the current Astros, Roy O. Chavez is the one I have the most confidence in, by far. I expect him to be outstanding on a regular basis again, and pretty soon.
By the way, in honor of the United Nations International Fascist Dictators Week, in anticipation of the 90th anniversary of the birth of James Jesus Angleton, and in order to create more interest in the “Probable Matchups” section. . . in addition to offering biting, informative, and up-to-date commentary regarding who will be pitching for whom in this series, this week the section also doubles as a sort of Word Search®. The names of several of our favorite Central and South American military strongmen, past and present, have been cleverly imbedded into the text. First person to find and count up how many of those good old boys were named therein wins a fifth of 80 proof Patrón tequila ($14.99 or thereabouts at any convenience store in Vinton, LA 24 hours a day.) Employees of the CIA, the NSA, and/or the US State Department and their families, as well as Lt. Col. Ollie North, are not eligible.
Etcetera
Saturday night is Brad Ausmus surfing bobblehead giveaway night. The doll features Astros catcher (and avid surfer) Brad Ausmus, clad in a skin-tight wet suit which serves to accentuate his muscular chest, rippled washboard abdomen, toned legs, and perfectly rounded ass. I believe I can even detect a bit of a bulge where his package should be, though, in the interest of realism, if it is cold enough to don a wet suit in the SoCal waters Ausmus surfs in, one’s package would more likely shrivel up to the size of, oh, I don’t know, Craig Biggio’s batting average, maybe. But I don’t think realism is the aim here, anyway. This giveaway blatantly plays to some of the Astros female fans (who shall remain nameless) deepest, darkest fantasies. Possibly some male fans, too (NTTAWWT). What else can I say? Everyone is gay. I expect the Montrose area fan base to represent Saturday night.
Injury Report
Seattle – Relief pitcher Chris Rietsma (right elbow). RHP Jon Huber (shoulder discomfort). 3B Adrian Beltré has been experiencing problems with a sprained thumb. He is not on the DL, but reportedly will sit for the Astros series, in favor of someone named Willie Bloomquist. RHP Jeff Weaver (bad weed) was activated this week. Weaver caused a bit of a stir in the Pacific Northwest last week by refusing his club’s request to go down to the minors for a rehab start or two. According to sources, Weaver explained to Mariner executives he’d be fine if they’d just let him go home and “manicure his lid.” Unfortunately, the Astros will miss him this series (he started Thursday in Chicago.) The $8 million a year airhead is currently 0-6, with a 10.97 ERA.
Houston – Catcher Hector Gimenez (torn labrium) and RHP Brandon Backe (Tommy John surgery)
”Hector and Brandon both played with abandon,
And got disabled listed back when Enron existed
But they’ll be coming off soon, about a decade past noon.”
SS Adam Everett broke his leg on Thurday, and will be out 4-8 weeks. RHP Jason Jennings left Thursday’s game with soreness in his shoulder, but says he’ll be okay for his next start.
Our ‘Interesting Things To Look For This Series’
(a/k/a “Hey, wait, I’ve got a new complaint”)
- The Mariners. Let’s play a little fantasy game for a moment. Let’s say I put together a team, for a five-year run, that features on offense three future Hall of Famers, in their primes, who are probably the best hitters at their positions for their era (the third is with the team the last four years of the five-year span.) The pitching staff is not as illustrious, but for the first four years of our hypothetical half-decade it features another future Hall of Famer, a dominating pitcher who strikes Koufaxian fear and awe into opposing batters. I am a mid-market team in a division of mid-market teams, none of which are dominant or dynastic. Now, how many times in that five-year span do you think I would make the playoffs? Win a division series? Get to the World Series? Win a championship?. . . The Seattle Mariners, 1995-1999, had Edgar Martinez, Alex Rodriguez (1996-1999), and Ken Griffey, Jr. in the daily lineup, and Randy Johnson (1995-1998) anchoring the pitching staff. They were in the AL West with a bunch of mediocre (Oakland, California/Anaheim) to mildly successful (Texas) teams, none of them dominating. Yet, in that five year period, the Mariners made the playoffs twice, by winning two divison titles, won one division series (a memorable one, against the Yankmees in 1995), and that’s it. In fact, over that span, they were a tepid 409-382 (.517) overall. How did this happen? It appears to have mostly been due to a common mid-market team shortcoming – after the stars, the supporting cast featured fairly ordinary players, at best. The pitching in particular dropped off dramatically after Johnson. Add to it that Johnson and Griffey missed some time during the period to injuries, and it becomes clearer. Still, were I a Mariners fan, it would bother me sometimes to think the team had A-Rod and Edgar and Junior and Unit, all at the same time, and didn’t accomplish more. . . The current version of the Mariners has nothing to do with the older one. However, after being known for awhile as a small ball, pitching and defense team, and having success with it, especially after their move to Safeco Field, the less-offensively friendly but infinitely more asthetically pleasing than the Kingdome current home park, the 2007 Mariners are again a hitting team something akin to their late 1990’s predecessors (currently 2nd in the AL in batting average, 6th in runs scored.) Meanwhile, the pitching, again mirroring the earlier teams, is spotty at best. The Mariners have a legitimate future star in Felix Hernandez, but the rest of the starting staff is pedestrian, and the bullpen isn’t much better. They are 12th in the AL in ERA at this juncture. . . The Mariners have been on a roll of late – they are 9-4 so far in June – and are in hot pursuit of the even hotter Los Angeles Angels, apparently their chief division rival at this point. Where the Mariners go from here will depend largely on if Hernandez can withstand the pressure, physically and mentally, of being depended on as an ace at such a young age, and whether guys like Miguel Bastista and Jarrod Washburn and, er, Jeff Weaver, can fire it up.
- Ichiro! The one ballplayer in the American League I wish I could watch every day is Ichiro! There is nothing wrong with a stately, big slow fat guy who takes 100 walks a season and bashes 35 home runs, but for asthetic pleasure, give me a skinny Ichiro!, his feet moving as he hits, slapping or driving the ball over here, over there, out thataways. I suspect that, deep down, hard-core OBP devotees want to dislike him because he only walks 40-50 times a season, in 700+ plate appearances. But that’s because he is hitting the ball somewhere instead, and he gets on base 40% of the time anyway, so what are you going to do? He is also a high-volume base stealer with an exceptional 80% success rate, and an accomplished outfielder. What else can I say? Ichiro!
- Kenji Johjima. Johjima is the first Japanese catcher to play in the major leagues, and hearing his name always reminds me of the Flaming Lips, for some reason. His name is Johjima, he plays for Seattle
Catching for the Mariners, he leads them into battle
‘Cos he knows that it’s demanding to defeat those AL teams
I think that he can beat themOh, Johjimi, they don’t believe me
But you won’t let those Angels defeat me
Johjimi, they don’t believe me
But you won’t let Oakland delete meThe 31-year-old backstop came over to the U.S. last season, after an all star career in Japan, and acquitted himself well, both behind the plate and in the batter’s box (.291/.332/.451). Johjima is 6’ 0”, 200 lbs., right-handed, and built like a bullet train. So far this season, he is .335/.360/.527, and is one of the better kept secrets in the AL. The emergence offensively of backup Jamie Burke has allowed the team to rest Johjima more often this season, and he hits something like .450 on days after a day off. - Pence!! Hunterpalooza continues to roll on. Despite straining a hip flexor last week on an excellent evasive slide at the plate in Chicago – whatever a hip flexor is, presumably something located in the hip area – and despite the fact he has been playing in the league long enough now for most teams to have developed at least a rudimentary “book” on him, Pence!! continues to hit. After missing one game to the injury and then going 1-for-9 in the two after that, the rookie looks to have returned to form, going 3-for-10 in the last two games of the Oakland series. . . I’ve grown weary by now of saying it is too early to tell about Pence!!, but I will make the observation that he is only upholding the tradition of the Astros calling up a young CF, roughly every 15 to 20 years, who goes on to have a terrific partial first season. In mid-June 1970, Houston called up a 19-year-old speedster from the Dominican Republic named Cesar Cedeño, who went on to hit .310 in 355 at bats the rest of the way, and finished fourth in the NL Rookie of the Year voting. Cedeño had an excellent career as an Astro. In the first week of July, 1987, the Astros called up a slight, switch-hitting 22-year-old central gardener named Gerald Young. Young hit .321 in 274 at bats and finished fifth in the NL Rookie of the Year voting. However, Young’s production fell off dramatically right away, and he was done as a regular by age 25, done as an Astro by age 27, and out of the league by the time he was 29. Pence!! was called up at the end of April, at age 24. He is a better player than Young was, but has a way to go before approaching Cedeño, who was exceptionally gifted and, I am convinced, is one Astros player who could say with some merit that the Astrodome probably kept him out of the Hall of Fame. Where will Hunter Pence’s place be in all this? We don’t know yet, which is half the fun of it.
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Do what you want to do. Go out and seek the truth. Regardless, the team that walks out onto the field to begin this series Friday night is the team that walks out onto the field. The Houston Astros. They are reeling, while meanwhile the Mariners are coming in here on a pretty good roll (although they dropped their last two games in Chicago.) The Seattle bunch is a free-swinging, hard-hitting team, and it might get ugly. However, I anticipate close games, either of the 3-2 variety, or of the 11-10 variety.
At any rate, things are going to be pretty tough for the Astros from here on out, as if they haven’t been already. They are not blessed with a lot of depth at the major league level to begin with, and now it appears the injuries are starting to stack up. The bullpen is looking shaky. And, sadly, Biggio’s march to 3000 career hits, which should have been a career-capping celebration, has been more than a little underwhelming, an unwanted distraction even. I wouldn’t have wanted any of this, but needless to say, all of it is entirely out of my hands. All I can do is watch, and wait. And wait.
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Mariners win the series, 2-1. Oh well, whatever, nevermind.
You may discuss today’s game in real time in the GameZone.