May 16, 2007
Astros 2, Gints 1
W: Chris Sampson | L: Noah Lowry | S: Dan Wheeler
Pigpen watch: 2,966 (0-4)
Soak in the Game Zone
Try to keep the Gunther worship down to a dull roar in the Talk Zone
Other coverage:
AP Recap
Astros.com Recap (Ben DuBose)
On a night where the stench of past failures and unhittable changeups hung over the field like a fog, the Good Guys prevailed in a good old-fashioned pitcher’s duel. Proud new papa Chris Sampson picked up his 4th W on the campaign, assisted by a memorable performance from everybody’s favorite new muppet look-alike.
Sampson likely operating on 1 hour of sleep
The Gints came out of their corner swinging, as Lewis pounded a one out triple to right center that Gunther took a couple of interesting routes to before retrieving the ball. He might look into one of those Garmin GPS things for next time (“In 20 feet, turn… LEFT… you have arrived at your destination”). Donut Truck one-hopped the wall by the bullpen in right for a run-scoring double, and it looked like the makings of some serious trouble in the opening frame with Frankenbarry stepping in. Sampson battled him hard, but walked the mutant on a full count. No harm, no foul though, as Durham grounded into an easy twin killing to end the threat, with Bonds peeling off about halfway to second. Seriously, Roy O gives a better effort breaking up a DP at this point.
Noah Lowry is scary
In the bottom of the first, the Good Guys went down in order, without a ball threatening the outfield at any point, and a no-hitter seemed like a very real possibility. Lowry is like goddamn kryptonite. Sampson mowed through the Gints in the top of the 2nd, and looked to be in total command with his feet back under him.
Hope and promise in the form of a wide-eyed, incoherent puppet
In the bottom of the 2nd, Lowry got his first 2 men (NTTAWWT), with some help from a diving Lewis snag of a Lane liner to right. In steps Beaker, who is widely presumed* to be a flailing ponché victim in waiting, helpless against the mesmerizing witchcraft of the fabled Lowry change. You could actually hear the needle scratch across the top of the record when he stayed back on one and slapped it cleanly to right for the Stros’ first hit of the game. AE grounded out to end the frame, but there was suddenly a reason to believe – if Gunther can hit Lowry’s offspeed stuff, then surely everyone else can, too?
The Chris Sampson Show, a case for Puddy, tie ballgame
Sampson continued to take care of business with brutal efficiency, bringing the bottom of the Stros’ order up in the bottom of the 3rd. Bradley got it started with a single to left, and moved to 2nd on a picture-perfect sac bunt by Sampson. Pigpen grounded out to 3rd on the next pitch for a thoroughly non-productive out, bringing up Loretta with 2 down as your Pigeon Shit replacement for the evening. (Brief aside on Loretta – this man is David Puddy from Seinfeld. He always has the same glazed over, joyless, mouth-slightly-agape expression on his mug, regardless of the situation. His Dodge Grab Life By The Truck Stop interviews are just priceless. I absolutely believe he would make a transatlantic flight while staring at the seatback in front of him the entire time (“Magazine?” “No, I’m good.”) I love this about him.) Aaaaanyway. Loretta Puddy came through big with 2 strikes and 2 down, dropping one into shallow right center just ahead of a diving Lewis to knot the score at 1. Twinkie walked before the inning ended on a Flapjack comebacker to Lowry.
In the top of the 4th, Sampson kept right on truckin’, abusing Frankenbarry for a lovely swinging K along the way. The Gints probably would’ve checked him for an illicit substance on the ball, but were afraid that they might find meconium, not pine tar. That shit’s flat nasty, but you can get a hell of a sink with it.
PENCE!!!
The fireworks came in the bottom half, when Thunder Pants stepped back in against the speed-changing lefty and sat back, waiting for the change. Lowry let one drift back over the plate a bit, and Gunther didn’t miss, swinging out of his cleats and thoroughly destroying the ball. The prodigious clout rattled around on the choo choo tracks in left, leading the Gints’ PR people to draft a release stating that the pokey was “probably cheap”, while scrambling to find dimensions of a domestic or international park that would’ve held Pence’s shot. I blame MMPUS, too. I’m sure that was a flyout just about anywhere else. 2-1 Good Guys.
Sparkling defense in the top of the 5th, as Everett ranged to his left to field a Feliz grounder behind second before spinning on the run and firing into 1st for the out. Twinkie wanted a piece of the spotlight too, gracefully flopping on the line while backhanding a Vizquel grounder, then throwing him out from his ample backside. Lowry reached on a broken bat flare to right ahead of a soft Winn liner to left, but Sampson got Lewis looking to end the 2-out threat.
In the bottom of the 5th, Bidge was robbed of a hit when the official scorer correctly called a Durham error an error. Honesty is all well and good, but perhaps dude didn’t get the memo that Pigpen doesn’t reach on errors this season. Those are base hits. Intentional walks are base hits. Hit by pitch? Remove the “by pitch”, that’s a hit. Hits, hits, hits. We’ve got a fucking schedule to keep, fella – pull your head out.
In the top of the 6th, Sampson got a bit more traffic going through the heart of the order, but again got through unscathed. Barry gave up on hitting Sampson hard, and dinked one through the vacated left side of the infield. If The Caballo had a mind to try, he probably could have thrown Bonds out at first on the play. Durham singled through the middle to make it 1st and 2nd, one out. Bonds actually tagged up to go to 3rd on a long out to right by Molina, which I thought was technically impossible at this point in his career. With runners on the corners, Loretta made a nice backhand grab of a hard Winn grounder and gunned him down to end the frame with the lead intact.
3 for 3, and 2005 seems like a very long time ago
Bottom of the 6th, Beaker lined a 2-out single to right off of Lowry, who has moved to fastballs at this point to no avail. The kid’s having a grand old time tonight, boy. AE singled to left center, and Thunder Pants moved to 3rd in hurry, picking up Mansolino early and making coach give him the stop sign before pulling up. JD noted at the time that he’s a third base coach’s dream, and our crush grows a little deeper. Ausmus worked a hard walk off of a full count to fill ’em up, leading Scraps to pull Sampson for Iceberg to pinch hit, as fans around the country scrambled to the stats pages to see which of those two actually has the higher batting average. Pidge got down 0-2 in a hurry, before tamely popping out to shallow right to end the inning. I feel for the guy, really, but his ABs are just brutal to watch right now. Sampson’s night ended with a rock solid 6 innings of scattered hits and the lone Gints run. Go change a diaper or something, guy. You’ve earned it.
Bullpen is the balls
In the top of the 7th, Lidge came in to protect a 1 run lead, and I was oddly at peace. What a difference a few weeks makes. Vizquel popped out to short on the first pitch, followed by a Lowry ponché on a bit of a frisbee and a Lewis groundout to Bidge. That took all of 2 minutes. In the 8th, reverT came in and careened through the guts of the Gints’ order, taking no prisoners. Frankenbarry snapped his lumber on a flare out to Everett, who was shifted around to 2B, and the bullpen was seriously rockin’ the shit.
Noah Lowry Hunter Pence is scary
In the bottom of the 8th, Thunder Pants smacked yet another single to right off of Lowry, who he flat-out owns. Moments later, he swipes one off the lefty, just beating a good throw from Molina. Talk about a shift in mystique – the Gints are totally incapable at getting Gunther out, while he uses them as a personal hyperbole-generator. He may actually go 5 for 4 tonight, just to prove that it can be done. In the stands, cameras catch some guy with a “Pence the Fence” sign, which is completely baffling and frankly, killed my buzz a little. Let’s get that guy escorted out before he brings the whole party down.
Lowry got himself out of additional trouble by getting Lamb on a grounder after another tough Ausmus walk, setting himself up for the bittersweet complete game loss. Dot worked over the 6-8 spots in order in the 9th to nail down an emphatic and ruthless save… crank up the Kool and the Gang, it’s a celebration, bitches. The Good Guys look to bring the brooms tonight against the Gints, and Roy Oswalt is your janitor. Oh hell yes, let’s go.
Notes from the Post Game
- Kevin Eschenfelder needs to back slowly away from the tanning bed – he seems to be turning into a strip of jerky. Seriously, Bill Worrel just called, and he’s concerned. We’re at Threat Level Burnt Sienna right now.
- I think a hippie exploded on Greg Lucas’ tie. Either that, or a rainbow threw up on him.
- JD mentioned that we might need to back up and allow for the possibility that Sampson could ultimately be a top of the rotation guy after all. Word is, Alkie got so excited that a blood vessel in his eyeball burst. He is day to day.
* Attribution: “Some people were saying”