May 8, 2007
Astros 7, Reds 6
W: Brad Lidge | L: Brad Salmon | S: Dan Wheeler
Pigpen watch: 2,962 (1-4)
Relive the Game Zone magic
Renew the discussion of slugging percentages in the Talk Zone
Other coverage:
AP story
The Footer Recap
Reds bullpen in a nutshell:
Facing adversity head on, failing miserably, not quite sure what to do next
Neither Wandy Rodriguez nor Eric Milton are going to win a ballgame this season, I’m totally convinced. It just wasn’t meant to be. In other news, the Astros went out and wrestled one away from the Dickities on Tuesday night, taking it late from the Reds’ bullpen, which is easily the Astros MVP so far in the young season.
Weeeeee! Runs!
This one started out fan-damn-tastic, with the Good Guys scoring in each of the first three frames. Pigpen started off the 1st with a nice 10 pitch AB before popping out behind second, showing the bench everything Milton had to work with three times over. Morgan filed that knowledge away somewhere, and watched 4 straight pitches go by before taking a seat. Twinkie was the first aboard with a walk, bringing Flapjack to the plate with two down. The Caballo proceeded to absolutely destroy a Milton offering, launching a tater deep into the upper tank in left, where it rattled down the ramp to the concourse and sought out some nachos. He hit the ball so damn hard that the catcher was asking for a new one practically before Flapjack was finished swinging. One is left to assume that the stick horse was burned as an act of contrition to the BBGs, who were well pleased. Goodbye, stupid stick horse, you will be deeply missed.
The good times kept right on rolling in the top of the 2nd, as Gunther smacked one down into the left field corner and legged out an easy triple when the ball wasn’t fielded cleanly. Pence then scored on an Everett grounder to third, sneaking down the line behind Encarnacion and sprinting for the dish on the throw to first. Hardly worth mentioning usually, but given the ongoing slapstick comedy on the basepaths, anything that involves little things being done right qualifies as noteworthy.
In the top of the third, Pigpen led off with a single when Gonzalez threw wide of first on a shot in the hole, followed by Ensberg lining out hard to short. Maybelline made it first and third with a single to right, before Flapjack popped out to bring up Lane with 2 down, which takes us back to Twoniner immediately before the game: “Lane (0-11 vs. Milton) gets the nod over a hot Luke Scott. Most of these moves have turned out good for Garner this year though.” Indeed. A double by Lane plates Bidge, 4-0 Good Guys, there is much rejoicing in the land. Oh, except in Cincy, where they are lustily booing Milton.
Hang in there, buddy…
Wandy got his first big test in the bottom of the frame, with Ross singling up the middle and moving to second on a bunt by Milton. Freel doubled to left to score the first Redleg run, leaving himself in scoring position with one away. Wandy fought through it, though, getting Phillips and Conine on either side of a Griffey walk to keep things in check. In the bottom of the 4th, Wandy would show Grandma Griffey that he weren’t a’feared of him by knocking a ground rule double over the decrepit outfielder’s head. This would prove to be a poor move, as it simply awoke the sleeping giant with a lifetime average of 1.100 against Wandy (I know, it seems mathematically impossible, but I swear it’s probably true.)
Hang in there…
Bottom of the fourth, Reds first sacker Paul Bunyan doubled to right with one out, followed by an Encarnacion walk, and we had all the makings of a Wandy Inning, which have thankfully been few and far between this year. Ross grounded out, moving the runners to second and third with two down, and there was light at the end of the tunnel with the pitcher due up. The local shitstains fired up their pipes to boo again, which is apparently all that’s required to goad Milton into slapping a two-run single out into center, because that’s exactly what he did. The jeers then turned into wild applause before the entire idiot crowd was collectively distracted by a large, shiny object being shown on the jumbotron. Astros 4, Reds 3.
D’oh.
The Good Guys went quietly in the 5th for the second straight inning, as Milton started to settle in a bit after the rocky first few frames. In the bottom half, trouble brewed when Phillips led off with a single and Junior shuffled to the dish in his robe and slippers with nobody down. One very long fly ball to right later, and the Dickities had their first lead at 5-4… and somewhat surprisingly, the Messiah was able to complete his ridiculous pirouette without popping his hammies. Junior now owns a lifetime slugging percentage of 1.400 in 10 ABs against Wandy, who should not be allowed to pitch to him again, ever, under any circumstances. Wandy made it out of the inning without further damage, and pitched 2/3rds of the 6th before turning it over to Lidge for the last out of the inning (a swinging K on a nice slider to Freel).
Cue the clown music, send in the tiny car full of relievers
Down by a run late, there was never a look of tremendous urgency or distress on the ‘Stros faces, mostly because, y’know, it’s the Reds bullpen. Sure enough, Twinkie stepped up with the latest heroics, smacking a line shot over the fence in left with Pigpen aboard to go back up 6-5. To keep things fresh, this was in the the 7th instead of the 8th, but the locals were not impressed. Given that they’d seen this rerun so many times already, most didn’t even have the enthusiasm to properly boo jittery rookie right-hander Brad Salmon, who gave up the smokie. His latest dong gave Fat Elvis 14 at the Great American Smokestack, more than any visiting human being in the history of mankind. Think about that shit. No one has ever come in and hit more there – not Alexander the Great, not Babe Ruth, nobody. The only thing I can claim complete propriety of is being the only person in history to have ever written the preceding paragraph, a sorry accomplishment which any one of you fuckers could rob me of at the drop of a hat. I feel so very small.
Bork and reverT held down the 7th, aided greatly by Lane’s diving snare of a looping Gonzalez liner to right with two aboard. That pivotal gem paired well with his two doubles to make Garner look like a very smart man with a full, hearty moustache, which he absolutely is. In the top of the ninth, the ‘Stros got a crucial insurance run when The Ninja walked and stole second ahead of a Moberg double down the line in right. This came in mighty handy when Phillips cranked a solo jack to center off of Wheeler in the bottom of the ninth to bring the Dickities back to 7-6. They’d get no closer, as the locals were left to cry in their shit noodles when Conine got rung up looking to end it.
Wednesday is the inaugural Raup Heartburn Classic, as TZ mainstay Matt Belisle takes the bump against Winless Woody at 6:10. The good news, Raups? Odds are excellent that it’ll be the gawd-awful Reds bullpen that takes the L in this one. Again. Go, ‘Stros, go.