For the record, I’ve lost count (I think it’s like 5 or 6) of the number of incarnations various TalkZones have inhabited over the past 8 years. I like this one, but it’s one of those things that’ll take some getting used to. Similarly, the 2005 Astros are something that’s going to take a while to get used to this year.
Last year, about this same time, most of us were estatic about our starting pitching, wary of the hot/cold hitting and the lack of depth in the bullpen but still optimistic about what the coming season would hold. The more things change…
This year, with Team Bastard granting us one more year to bask in its glory, Zone-dwellers seem to be optimistic about a rotation featuring Roger Clemens, Roy Oswalt and Andy Pettitte. Fans should still be pretty wary of the offense, maybe more so with the loss of Jeff Kent and Carlos Beltran. And the bullpen, like every year in the last decade is going to be a patchwork mix of the ridiculously old, some young guys who couldn’t hack it as starters and a top flight closer.
On the plus side the Mud ‘n Blood have a manager better suited to adapt to his talent than his predecessors, and a group of veterans who got over a pretty historical hump in the post season. In addition, they have an owner in Drayton McLane who may being to understand about drawing crowds with good players and who should have some additional cash from the new television deal to do something about it.
On the minus side, the Astros have a rookie GM, an aging everyday lineup anchored by a couple of past-their-prime stars and some unreasonable expectations being placed on a team that is going to need some time to find itself over through spring training and the first couple of months of the season. And there’s the self-imposed budget constraints. Which reminds me, if payroll doesn’t increase, Uncle Drayton should do the humane thing and roll the beer prices down to $5 a cup. It’s all about the volume.
Like the Astros, the new incarnation of the site will probably go through some growing pains. But the new software has allowed OWA to bring back some features that we’ve been promising, like the Site Glossary, the Hall of Fame, and Seperated at Birth. Like the Astros, we’ll mix and match it for a little bit and find a kick-ass combination.
Thanks for following us here, and on with crap only I care about.
What’s your game? Alright you’ve got it. Take your aim. Alright you shot it.
Tim Purpura, welcome to the public spotlight. Kinda sweaty, huh?!?
It must have been cold there in the Hun’s shadow, but I can’t imagine Purpura thought he’d be feeling the heat quite so quickly after an overdue shot at running a major league team. So far, my unofficial count has you being blamed by the “enlightened” among us for (in no particular order):
- Not signing Carlos Beltran “at any cost”
- Being strung along by Scott Boras
- Signing no one that can play centerfield, even though Jeremy Burnitz “really, really” thinks he could someday be a major league centerfielder…someday
- Signing John Franco to a major league deal even though most observers are pretty sure he died 2 years ago
- Signing Turk Wendell and Dave Burba to minor league deals, somehow wasting the valuable resources that are spring training tryouts
- Dragging his feet on a long-term deal for Lance Berkman
- Dragging his feet on a long-term deal for Roy Oswalt
- Not thinking Jeff Kent is worth $9.5 million per for the next 2 season
- Overspending on Roger Clemens
- Not forcing Wade Miller to sign with the Astros when he no longer had to
- The pending price increase on beer to $7.00 per cup (Y’know, why don’t they make it even more inconvenient and outrageous? How about $7.01 per beer…that way, we’re virtually forced to give the beer-schlubs a dollar tip for interrupting the game.)
Purpura has been a busy little beaver in his 3 month stint as Gerry Hunsicker‘s replacement. Soon, he’ll be blamed for Morgan Ensberg‘s stances, Tim Redding‘s mental state, his inability to predict stock futures based on performance history, the weather and whether or not some jackoff can make that light.
Unfortunately that’s the nature of the job, and as arguably the most popular game in town right now, he is Public Enemy No. 1 based on the Astros inactivity so far this season. In a city that wants desperately to be a top-tier sporting destination (Seriously, go to any other city, hell, even Jacksonville, and see if the citizens ask you as an outsider what you think of their city, in a very desperate, clingy sort of way…it only happens in Houston) no moves is worse than bad moves…which is what some around here seem to be clamoring for. Since the Boras…I mean, Beltran decision, Purpura has spoken fairly often of trades he and his staff have been working on. Unfortunately for the talk-radio heads, none of those deals have panned out as of yet, talk of Alphonso Soriano, Torri Hunter or Eric Byrnes notwithstanding.
The best tools that Purpura has at his disposal are a) a thorough knowledge of the prosepcts in the Astros system b) the PR beaucoup that is Clemens and c) time.
The first two are kind of obvious, but time is going to have to be Purpura’s biggest ally because even with Clemens going every fifth day, the club has to find out what Jason Lane, Chris Burke and maybe Willy Taveras can do the first couple of months of the season. In addition, the club has to find out if Ensberg and Redding have their heads screwed on straight, or if they’re just screwed. The club also needs time to determine what Craig Biggio‘s role, Pettite, Berkman & Jeff Bagwell‘s health and Ausmus’ age mean to the level of baseball this team plays in 2005.
Do you know the score? Alright I hear you. I would make a play for sure, If I could only get near you
Some things you can probably expect to see in 2005 from the Astros:
Several talk show callers griping about dealing John Buck last year because he’ll be hitting a fair amount of homeruns, whereas Ausmus will be “calling a good game.”
Bagwell having a bit of rebound year. Changing a batting stance requires muscle memory. Muscle memory requires repetition. Few people in baseball have worked harder than Bagwell.
Some random former Astros pitcher having a good season somewhere else, resulting in more call-in show bitching.
Biggio losing a little more luster among Houston baseball fans. I think this is probably the year that Biggio’s club house lawyering gets out of hand and goes public. From all reports Biggio firmly believes he can play 2-3 more seasons. From those same reports, Phil Garner and Purpura don’t know what position he’s going to play or how much he’s going to play it.
If the Astros struggle at all, expect some baseball pundit to suggest that either the Astros are shopping Clemens or Clemens is asking for a trade. (Ed: Too late.) Houston may struggle, and Clemens may struggle (it’d be kind of ridiculous to expect him to have as good a season as he did in 2004) but Clemens will retire before accepting a trade from the cushiest job in baseball.
Phil Garner will be this years Tom Beringer. Just because.
Unfortunatley, Yvette will start dressing more conservatively, to help fend off Brownie.
Milo Hamilton will only get worse. He’s already to the point where some important people are taking notice. Unfortunately none of those people are Milo.
What’s your name? I can’t forget it. I’ve been there and back again, and I will never regret it.
The best thing about the recent signing of the extremely veteran John Franco is not that he’s left-handed or that he’s crafty.
No, the best thing about signing John Franco is that the Astros will have mob protection all season long. According to FBI documents, the Astros newest reliever chummed around with several high-ranking members of the Bonanno crime family – even inviting some into the Mets clubhouse before games.
Any time Franco has spoken about the family…er… his friends he sounds like something right out of a Scorcese wet dream, “I am proud to be an Italian-American, and have lived my life in a respectable fashion.” He added, placeing his index finger to the side of his nose, “I am an honest importer of Olive Oil and other fine Italian goods and services.” Or maybe he didn’t…but he probably should have.
I think the Cubs will think twice about their little tiddliewinks war manager Dusty Baker is trying to instigate with the Don on our side. At the very least playing a little “Woke Up This Morning” when he comes in the game can’t ge anything but epic.
Andy would never dream of offending his fine Italian friends. He was merely making a joke. He takes it all back. You can contact him at [email protected] …y’know…should you need to or whatnot.