Bearing down on the quarter pole
39 games under their belt, the Blud ‘n’ Mudders sit atop the Central by 1 game, a tidy 9 games above .500 which is the best record on the Senior Circuit. There’s been some oddities for the team: Ensberg’s cold start; Redding’s frigid start; and Roy O’s inability to garner a win despite pitching well. There’s been some fantastic positives too: Clemens; Miceli; Berkman; Everett and even Ausmus.
The Cubs, as expected, are right there, despite having Prior, Wood and now Sosa struck down by the BBGs. Alou must be slaughtering chickens like he’s Colonel Sanders. It will be interesting to see how things go once we (finally) play each other head-to-head. As last year, the Cubs’ stretch run is the soft part of their schedule, so the Astros need to put them away early and often to avoid repeating last year’s disappointment.
But what’s happening around the league?
The Dojers, previous holders of the NL’s best record, have just rattled off an impressive 6-game losing streak to drop them into a virtual tie with the Pet Shop Boys. Nice going Trolleys! So impressive is this streak, that the Pads caught them whilst playing .500 ball. Nomo and Weaver have been hideous for LA, but to lose 6 you have to go through the entire rotation once plus get no hitting. They deserve a nice, ironic, golf clap.
At the other end of the spectrum in the West are the Gints. Dead last. FrankenBarry has back trouble caused by having to bend down to take off his shin guards every at-bat, and is day-to-day. No connection should be made or inferred between his back trouble, and the back trouble being suffered by Sosa and Giambi, although I understand the Feds are taking an interest Anyway, Bones is homerless for May and has been surpassed by 10 other players on the shibby-list at this point. He has expressed frustration at his team’s losing ways. Perhaps we should’ve seen this coming when they didn’t sweep at MMPUS – such has been their dominance at Crawford and Texas – but are they really this bad? They shouldn’t be.
Over recent years, stories of their demise have been greatly exaggerated. But now it looks like a dark cloud is finally going to be lifted and the Hated ATL is going to fail to win its division. Even more enjoyable is that, currently, they don’t even look like finishing close to .500. If they were in the Central, they’d be staring up at everyone’s tea-towel holder. I’m hoping that “Denethor” Cox will finally lose it, proclaim Slacker Jones dead, set them both on fire and take a running jump off the nearest cliff.
The defending Champs have hit a speed bump – mostly in the shape of Lance Berkman. They were gifted a couple of wins down here, but are slumping and getting some payback with interest from the Astros at home. The Astros have always sucked in Miami, so this is doubly disturbing for them, I’m sure. I have a soft spot for the Marlins, however, simply because they stopped the Cubs and NYY from winning the series last year. Perhaps they need some karma; I suggest they “can” (get it?) Billy the Marlin and hire Jessica Simpson as their mascot. She could sing the National Anthem (I’d never have to listen, thankfully), play an “is a marlin fish or chicken”? game on the jumbotron (they could do this every night and she’d still not know) and entertain fans with her profundities.
For the record, here’s a list of teams that I never want to see win a World Series: NYY, BOS, TEX, NYM, ATL, CNC, CIN, STL, LAD.
Perhaps a group surprise has been the collective performance of the NL Central. For a while, all six clubs were at or above .500. Right now, only Pittsburgh has a losing record: 3 games under. Every team has a winning record against the other divisions; again with the sole exception of Pittsburgh who are a mere 5-6 vs. the West. Chicago, Milwaukee and Pittsburgh have ridden roughshod over their opponents from the East. Given the unbalanced schedule, there’s obviously a lot of anomalies in those numbers; so expect things to even out. Still, it’s no longer early and the Central is looking better than expected.
It is still too early, however, for any serious scoreboard watching, but I think taking note of who’s propping up the standings is worthwhile. At some point in the not too distant future, some of these bottom feeders are going to whack the canvass three times and trade some good players to the Cubs and Yankees. The NL Central division is normally an all-you-can-eat buffet for the rich clubs, but if things remain close and the lower clubs stay competitive, it will be harder for them to justify their regularly scheduled fire sales. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen, though.
After having a crack at an improbable sweep in Florida tonight, the boys head on up to Ohio for a four-game set-to with the Reds. I’ll leave the chili jokes to those better qualified than I, but given Berkman’s historic performance in Cincy, I suggest that they consume something more substantial than that skyline dogshit they call food. The combo of bad chili and Berkman at the plate may cause anal-leakage on a scale not seen since the first at-large tests of Olestra.
In sporting news away from the diamond
I have had my life shortened by a few years. My home soccer team, Crystal Palace, completed their improbable run from 20th (out of 24) half-way through the season to finish 6th and occupy the last play-off spot for promotion to the Premiership (where Man Utd. etc. play). Drawn against the top seed, Sunderland, they won the first leg 3-2 at home, so needed to hold the line in the return fixture (aggregate score decides). Better than holding, they controlled the game, looked very comfortable and should have had a couple of goals…then Sunderland popped in two goals just on the stroke of half time. Wha’ happen?
Now losing 4-3 on aggregate, Palace’s hopes for a turnaround seemed hopeless when Julian Gray was ejected for his second booking. With Palace down to 10 men and time ticking away, Sunderland were looking to maintain possession and run out the clock. But an ill-advised dick-around with the ball resulted in a Palace counter-attack. With full time expired and deep into “time added on”, up pops Powell at the far post to head in the equalizer. Now we had 30 minutes of extra time through which Palace continued to struggle with a man short. It ended scoreless, so on to a penalty shoot-out.
The shoot-out is a necessity for this type of knockout competition. It is also one of the worst ways possible to decide the outcome of a sporting event. After two hard-fought games, the result would come down to the mettle of players who get nosebleeds in the opponents goal area and the luck of the keepers who are just guessing and praying. At 4-4 on penalties, Palace had the shot to win it: saved. Sunderland could now turn the screws by making their next and forcing a Palace make to continue: but theirs was saved. Another kick to win it…saved. Sunderland? Saved. Unbelievable! Four saves in a row after 8 straight makes. Palace up to kick…
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL
Now it’s on to the Millennium Stadium and the sudden-death final against storied London rival West Ham. Saturday May 29; a date with destiny (or futility).