As bandwagons go, it’s a full one in the Greater Houston area. In the Houston Chronicle, there were 24 pages dedicated to the upcoming baseball season. On talk radio, all the talk is about Opening Day and the Astros, and Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte. At the original El Gallo (did not know there was more than one) there’s a sign up asking Roger to “Get Ready.” To be fair, I assumed that they are talking about Clemens, but they might have an employee named Roger.
For those of you out of town, state or country, there is a palpable excitement around the Astros this season. One that might even survive the Astros starting the first month of the season at or below .500. Personally, I’m not 100% sold on the team as is…some of this may be the 41-year history of the team, and part may be based on the team as is, so suck a salt-lick.
The starting pitching is stacked with the additions of Clemens and Pettitte and the hoped for return to health of Roy Oswalt and the return to form of Wade Miller. Even the bullpen, usually the most iffy part of any MLB team, looks to be strong with Brandon Duckworth, Brad Lidge and Octavio Dotel.
The concern that I still have is about the offense…the same offense that struggled a good part of last season…the same offense whose big changes came by way of birthdays. I wonder if Craig Biggio can put together a season better than 2003, or if Jeff Bagwell can get on one of the offensive tears that we haven’t seen in a couple of years. I wonder if Lance Berkman and Richard Hidalgo can be consistent (that is consistently good) this season and if Jeff Kent can rebound from a sub-par season. Is Morgan Ensberg the hitter he showed in the first half of 03 or the second? It’s going to take special seasons at the dish from 3, maybe 4, of these guys to really compliment the pitching. All we have is faith that it’s going to get done at this point.
On the other hand, this might be Biggio’s last season with the Stros, which is special and worth going to games for. Biggio is one of the best players any of us are ever going to see in person. He, Berkman, Hidalgo and Kent are all, more or less, in contract years. Maybe they have a little bit of extra fire in their innards. Maybe Ensberg is ready for a full season of production. Maybe we don’t need any left-handed pitching. Opening day is great for the maybes.
As with any championship-type team, they have a lot of talent, they’ve got a nice blend of youth and experience, and hopefully they have a team-level drive to succeed. As with any championship-type team, it’s going to take some luck, a few career years, and better health than the sCrubs or 3rdnials.
Meanwhile, for the first month or so, those of us who know who Randy Knorr is, are going to have to endure even more cell-phone chatting, chianti-swilling, “that guy, no I don’t know which one, but he sucks,” “when did Bill Lanier stop managing the Astros”-types. They will be sure to be banging their thundersticks for every pop fly and interfering with every ball in play they happen to be paying attention to. On the other hand, I will be proud to be at the game with the 30 or so bastards that make up the OWA traveling party, I expect several of us to get in arguments with people holding thundersticks. We don’t drink chianti.
And as I re-read this, I realize it sounds a bit ho-hum, maybe even depressing, so for the people who need some positive affirmation in their lives…
Astros can kill anyone they want! Astros cut off heads ALL the time and don’t even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this Astro who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the Astro killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw an Astro totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.
And that’s what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you don’t believe that Astros have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! It’s an easy choice, if you ask me.
Astros are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can’t believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that’s a fact. Astros are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can’t wait to start yoga next year. I love Astros with all of my body (including my pee pee).
Cleaning Out The Space Between My Ears…
What in the hell happened to Cincinnati’s traditional opening day wing-ding? Not only do they now get lapped by Japan twice, but Baltimore and freakin’ Toronto? Toronto? Don’t you remember when opening day meant slurping down a bowl of chili noodle soup, listening to Marge say something anti-semetic, getting a hair cut with that same chili bowl (washing the bowl first was optional) and then laying down 2 large for the Reds to lose said opener? Never mind, you weren’t Pete Rose either.
The Rock made another movie. I know that the words “Rock” and “movie” shouldn’t go together. I think the more surprising word there might be “another”. He was good as an animated half-scorpion thing (with no speaking part) in The Mummy Returns, and I suppose that in the rasslin “enterainment” he’s been pretty crunk (I shouldn’t do that again.) Evidently he was also in a movie with the 3-named guy who played Stiffler where they got beat up by midgets, screwed some monkeys and got chased by Christopher Walken, but I don’t know anyone who actually saw that. I hear it was in theatres for almost 3 hours. So now, he’s stealing a role made for a younger Tom Berenger, as a street wise ex-soldier who comes in and kicks a little ass and beats up a bunch of rednecks. Fun for the whole family. I think he’s almost passed up Shaquille O’Neil in movies made. I don’t know if he’s passed him in crappy movies made. I suspect they are similar numbers.
The sCrubs being the sCrubs, I expect something catostrophic to happen on Waveland avenue this season. Things like Mark Prior going Dravecky with his arm, Aramis Ramirez choking to death on several of his gold chains, or Sammy Sosa reverting to the Jerri-Curl. Beyond the items that we all know about and associate with the sCrubs and the litany of losing and loserish behavior (blamed on the fact the people of Chicago were too busy dating goats and not realizing that they couldn’t bring them to games,) this self-same Chi-town nine has another big streak on the line this season. The sCrubs haven’t had back-to-back winning seasons since 1972. While I’m not suggesting they aren’t going to overcome 32 years of being themselves and break this little streak, as has been pointed out over and over in the TZ, blowing up innocent sporting equipment and taunting the BBGs usually isn’t a good idea when you have so much background with the losing.
I’m very interested in what the 3rdinals are doing about their pitching situation. There’s a lot riding on Matt Morris, Woody Williams and Chris Carpenter’s team of surgeons (I’ll repair that rotator cuff for $99.95). To address their pitching issues, the redbirds have acquired Tony Womack and ‘Stro alumni Brian Hunter and Roger Cedeno. You might note that none of these players actually pitch, but Tony The Brain LaRussa, who in the past has mused over, among other things, hitting Mark McGwire lead off and getting some of those rear-view sunglasses so he can see St. Louis ownership coming to fire him, isn’t concerned. “Do NOT question me! I am the smartest man on the planet. Those media folks that are overlooking me can get bent. I will melt all opposition with my laser eyes. Get me Paul Westhead and Hank Gathers on the phone…okay, just Westhead then,” said LaRussa.
Speaking of which, I can’t help but remember that during the offseason, the ‘Stros made some moves, and then the sCrubs made some moves, and all was good. The media, especially E$PN (home of Dream Job. Coming soon on DVD.) said that it was a two team race in the NL Central. Then LaRussa starts whining about being overlooked (because they have no pitching) and that someone was going to regret (that they had no pitching) and that even though Jim Edmonds (who doesn’t pitch) requires cortisone and duct tape for his knees every night, the (lack of pitching) was something the other teams (all of whom have more pitching) should watch out for. (Like carb-load before you play the 3rdinals, as you’ll be running around the bases a lot. All of a sudden the Central is a 3 team race. WTF?
Anyone see Larry Dierker’s new (well, everything old is new again) column in the Chronicle? The wholly inappropriate and self-important semi-rant about how he didn’t want to manage the Astros anymore anyway? I skimmed it. If I get really bored I’ll count the “I”‘s in his article; it should take a while. I’m hoping Dierk gets over himself at some point, but he sounds about as bitter as the guy who talked Alyssa Milano into getting breast implants right before she dumped him.
Finally, one of my favorite Comical columnists has been suspended (with pay, presumably…which should just be called what it is…vacation). Mickey Herskowitz has been temporarialy relieved for virtually reprinting a story he wrote in 1990 for the now-defunct Houston Post in a recent addition of Houston’s only Paper (That You Have To Pay For). The story was of course, about a dead person. I can’t be the only person who has noticed the very strange Haley Joel Osmet vibe Herskowitz has had for the last 10 years or so. Between that and the trailing off in the middle of paragraphs, I’m starting to think I have a shot in the journalism game. Oh well, at least he’s stealing from himself and not scanning message boards for “breaking stories” for the team he’s supposed to be covering.
Andy has recently moved back to Houston and is looking forward watching the Rockets miss out o?n the playoffs, getting to several Astros games and to taking his Mother-in-law to Baba Yega o?n a Sunday morning so she can see gay brunch at it’s finest. It might end the visits. Turns out they don’t have gay brunch in Memphis. If you have seen my baseball, contact me.