“There’s only one thing in the World worse than being talked about, and that’s not being talked about”
Finally, pitchers and catchers reporting for duty has meaning outside of State Penitentiaries. Many of them will be pulling on different uniforms in different backwater shit-holes of Florida and Arizona. Of obvious interest to us but, due to a couple of notable moves made by other clubs, of little interest in the media any more, is the first action seen by Pettitte and Clemens as Astros.
But how far has this story dropped off the media radar scope? Look no further than our own, venerable Houston Chronicle, which leads its baseball section with a photo of Billy Wagner in a Phillies’ valet parking uni practicing his very necessary self-defense skills.
To be honest, the recent indifference of the media to the Astros is not a problem. When they focus the watery half-light of their collective intellect on our team, they invariably miss the point, re-hash old cliches and get things flat out wrong. Who needs that? Plus, when it comes to missed points, tired cliches and inaccuracy, one needs to look no further than Limey Time.
OK, so A-Rod is now a Yankee, prompting a ridiculous slanging match in the press between Steinbrenner and Henry. That’s like Ken Lay calling Jeff Skilling a lying cheat. (BTW, I am very concerned that Skilling may walk. He has hired Petrocelli as his lawyer and, as his record shows, this bloke is liable to receive divine inspiration whilst working on the house he’s building next to his trailer and run to the court just in time to save Skilling from a major fine and repeated and protracted colon violations.)
Back to A-Rod. Who, outside of NY and Boston, cares? The Rangers continue to prove their stupidity while the Yankees load up on just about whomever they want and the Red Sox bitch about it. Is this anything new? Nope. The whole thing leaves me drier than Lisa Marie Presley kissing Jacko.
Fashion tip: This week, I shall be mostly wearing new cleats and a glove.
As for the Cubs, are they mad? Last year, they were smote by the BBGs in a manner so total and utterly comprehensive that no sane person or group of persons should be able to forget it in any number of lifetimes. Yet the lesson from the retribution for the collective moonie they gave the Gods last year has not been learned, and now they tempt fate further. Everyone knows that ex-Cubs are a recipe for disaster, but now the Cubs themselves have signed an ex-Cub and in doing so pronounced themselves the rightful owner of the NL Pennant. This could be an arse-reaming on a scale not seen since the day the city of San Francisco started marrying gay couples.
Of course, one could look at $24mm over 3 years for an aging pitcher with a near-5 ERA away from ATL last year, and think that the BBGs’ work has already been done for them. The Cubs paid handsomely for a big name, but I suspect that they won’t get what they think from him. Plus, he only has to stay healthy and average 6 innings per start to trigger the third year and extend the nightmare that will be his second stint in wind-blown Wrigley. Chris Holt did that twice as an Astro.
Meanwhile, Kerry Wood is in his “walk” year, and would certainly expect to get more than Maddux is getting to re-up. Then will come the time to give contracts to Prior and Zambrano. The butterfly effect of the Maddux signing may have a devastating impact on their much-vaunted rotation.
But what of the Astros? With little media fanfare, the new boys are playing catch and shooting the shit with their new teammates. All I want to see is a healthy roster and a fair fight. Now that Spring Training is here, a moment that I have been craving for weeks, I find that I am not sated. I need real baseball. I want to see Pettitte induce countless grounders to the smooth and effortless Everett. I want to see Clemens play his chin music. I want to see Oswalt breeze through innings in 2 minutes flat. I want to see Miller buckle knees when he drops that curve. I even want to time stand still the moment Tim Redding allows a baserunner.
I want to see the Astros play baseball.