During my enforced absence from the TZ at the end of the season (no, I was not sulking or crying in a corner) I’m sure you’ve all picked clean the bones of the Astros’ unsuccessful 2003 campaign. I have read a little of what’s been posted but, after perusing the recent ZipperFlap, I decided that plowing through all of it would be futile, painful and probably not a little annoying. That’s not to say that I think you lot are full of it and that I’m the only one with the answers. It’s simply that I have confidence that those debates which could come to a conclusion have done so without my assistance or interference; and those that haven’t probably never will.
My Two Cents
Of course, as an EgoColumnist, I am tasked with inflicting my thoughts upon you (cracking some shit jokes in the process). So here goes: Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was performing a fitness test on its dodgy groin.
For those of you blessed with prescience (pre-science? That can’t be right) – or perhaps of average intelligence and can therefore see the tack I’m taking from a mile away – the dropped bollock* referenced in the title belongs to none other than the Astros’ #1 pitcher Roy Oswalt.
* bollocks n. 1. Knackers; balls, as in: “Them’s massive bollocks, them is”; 2. Nonsense; balls, as in: “That’s utter bollocks, that is”; 3. Mistake, error, misfortune, as in “That Roy Horn really dropped a bollock.”
50 Cent
But before I go there, I need to set the stage: The Astros suffered more than their fair share of starting pitching woes this year. Perhaps this is why the BBGs blessed the bullpen with intestinal fortitude more apropos to a Sheriff Blaylock’s chili eating contest than an Astros’ relief staff. Regardless, the club went into the season with Hernandez on the DL where he was joined shortly thereafter by Brian “who the fuck is that?” Moehler – both were out for the season. Wade Miller and the aforementioned Oswalt spent time on the shelf too; and even Roy’s stand-in wasn’t immune when Rosario’s arm (finally) fell off shortly after his call-up.
If you expect the opening day rotation to pitch the entire season, the Astros lost 42 starts to injury. On the whole, when applied against the crapometer, that number would fall somewhere in the “shitload” zone.
Some of this has to be expected during the course of a baseball season. This is why it tends to be deep clubs who battle in the post season and shallow clubs who fall short. Ironically, the Astros were already fishing in a shallow pond when it came to starting pitching, but it was the fill ins (with a massive assist from the pen) who proved to be the platform upon which the Astros’ challenge was based.
So why the focus on Oswalt’s package?
Tu Pac
71 games. 71 games is what Roy-O missed on the DL. In a stretch of 71 games you would expect him to take the ball 14 times. In actuality, he made 21 starts, so was probably 12 shy of his full-season expectation. Do you not think that, somewhere in those 12 games, there was one game – just one – which would’ve been won behind Oswalt but was lost in his absence?
The Cubucs got 154 starts from their 5-man rotation, and they posted a collective 67-51 record. They used only 7 starters all year; Juan Cruz and Sergio Mitre got the other 8, which includes Mitre’s throwaway start on 9/28 after the division had been clinched. Wood was ready to go on full rest if necessary.
Meanwhile, the Astros got only 120 starts from its opening day rotation of Oswalt, Miller, Moehler, Redding and Robertson. The collective record was 49-41. Overall they used a panel of 12 starters – TWELVE! – including names like Linebrink, Munro, Saarloos and Rosario. Remember Jonathan Johnson? Somewhere lost in time – beyond the far reaches of the universe where the recollection of Brian Moehler as an Astro resides – is the remembrance that this guy got 2 starts before retiring from baseball. Surprisingly though, behind Ron Villone’s .500 performance over 19 outings, those other 7 starters were a collective 38-34.
Ice Pack
The ups and downs of a regular season campaign – the confusing troubles with the Brewers, the bizarre series losses to the dismantled Reds and Mets, the inability to beat the Giants at MMPUS ever, and many, many more examples in 2003 – all are to be expected. This is why they play 162 games. When a team comes up short by one game at the end of the year you can point to any and all of these things and say “if only”. But I am hanging my hat on one issue this time – if all else remains the same except that Oswalt remains healthy all year – the Astros win the NL Central.
I will also be so bold as to say that I believe they would’ve beaten the Braves and would not be surprised to see them take the Marlins. They would’ve been trounced horribly by the home away from home Giants, of course.
Packed Lunch
This week, I shall be mostly wearing Victoria’s Secret.