Well, almost a week into Spring Training and we have had some fun. The Hernandez-Redding battle for the 5th rotation spot is going to be a knock-down drag out strike-fest. It’ll be great watching this one pan out. Fox should televise it. It’s much better than the Tonya Harding vs. Amy Fisher / Paula Jones / Darva Conger fight.
Adam Everett can hit, it seems. A long way to go yet, but he’s been making contact and getting results with the bat. Lugo better get well soon otherwise he could find himself out of a job before he’s even muffed play #1 at SS.
Daryle Ward “has to hit somewhere”, says Jimy, so why not 2nd? Well, I say, why not lead off? He’d break Bones Sr.’s NL record for lead-off homers in next to no time. He doesn’t walk much these days, so he would clog the base paths behind him either.
Summer of Love
CJ is making a strong bid for the token lefty spot in the pen. He’s the only one who’s shown any ability at all this spring, and is therefore the front-runner to get the job on the big club. The also-rans will be released to the feeding frenzy of GMs looking for a situational lefty with (or without) any talent whatsoever. The trouble is, those lefties with “any talent whatsoever” are all locked up for multi-million dollar deals. What’s left (get it), is the dregs of baseball – journeymen players who go from team to team sucking innings away from decent pitchers. Did you know that the Latin for “left” is “sinister”? Hmmmm…
For fun, I did a web search on the word “Sucks”. Discounting all the porn site hits, over 75% of the balance had references to Wayne Franklin. A further search revealed that Wayne has been described as “Dave Clark” more times than Dave Clark! Wow!
Winter of Our Discontent
Dominican Aging Syndrome (D.A.S.) is spreading. As I write this, 18 major leaguers and a host of (shortly to be no longer) minor leaguers have been afflicted. Some have aged by as much as 130% in a matter of hours (spent in the INS office at the airport). Now I find that I may be it’s latest victim ? or worse. Am I actually the Typhoid Limey of D.A.S.?!!
Something you may not know is that I have spent some time in the Dominican Republic. Three whole days, in fact, on business, about a year ago. I thought I was OK as I was current on all the recommended shots: I’d previously been down to Bolivia. Other than being rolled into a storm drain by a crazy ex-pat who thought it would be fun to jam his Suzuki Jeep into low gear whilst speeding around a corner on a wet road, the trip was uneventful. Little did I know the mayhem I would unleash.
Forever Autumn
My birthday is March 7, and I now find myself 37 years old. What the hell happened?!!! Just a short while ago, I was 30. Not long before that, I was 21!!! I appear to be the most serious case of D.A.S. on record thus far.
All this has me very worried now. Is D.A.S. not actually a Dominican disease? Is it something I picked up in the flatlands of Bolivia and transported there? Those poor Dominicans never stood a chance! Introducing a foreign bacteria into their culture may have proven disastrous. Maybe we finally have an answer to what killed the dinosaurs. They aged so fast that they turned into oil overnight, for us to discover a few billion years later. Ugh.
Laugh all you want about this aging thing, my friends, but it’s coming for you.
It mostly comes at night. Mostly…
The War of the Worlds
Taunting the French is usually a good idea, but every once in a while they’ll make you suffer for it. So after my last column, what do those bastards go and do? Plough England into the turf at the Stade du France, that’s what they do! It was prolly the deciding victory in this year’s Six Nations Rugby championship, and take a huge step en route to a Grand Slam. Damn, they were good.
I hate the fucking French!
Well, there’s always the anniversary of the Battle of Agincourt! If this D.A.S. thing keeps going, in five year’s time I’ll find out that I was actually there!
Plan 9 from Outer Space
Fashion tip: This week I shall be mostly wearing Icarius de Menezes.