By Spider Pellini
Editor’s note – This article originally appeared on AstrosConnection.com on April 12, 2000.
Ok, so I stole the old Astros marketing slogan. Sumbitch just fits is all. Now I ain’t saying there’s not a lot to like about Mr. Dierker. All in all, he’s done a pretty fair country job. Especially handling them pitchers, now that’s a job would try the patience of a Saint. Pitchers just ain’t the same in the head as regular folks but they’re sorta like women, no matter how big a pain in the old keester they are you got to have ’em around.
I been kinda quietly observing these Astros for a couple years now and there’s a couple things it would behoove Mr. Dierker to take a look see at. If Mr. Frisch or Mr. Stengel was still around I’m sure they’d be proud to point some of these same things out, but they ain’t and I am so here goes.
First off, that shit about players whining in the clubhouse or in the dugout needs to stop, like yesterday. That Derek Bell fellar last year with his little prissy fits about where he was gonna be on the lineup card never shoulda been allowed to happen. If he had piped up like that to old Frankie, his place woulda changed alright, it woulda changed to a place next to Frankie on the bench. And if he complained too loud about that then he woulda been doing his waiting out on the bus. Mr. Dierker decides somebody needs a rest they just need to shut up and sit down, ‘less they want to rest for several games in a row. You got to surround yourself with folks that want to win just as bad as you do, send the problem children somewheres else. Smart thing movin Bell, he’s gonna fit in real well in that shithole New York.
Second, Mr. Dierker has got to figure a way to keep everybody’s head in the game at all times, including his. I remember a few times last season where a big hullabaloo was made of someone missin’ signs. I’m telling you here and now, not picking up signs is one of them cardinal errors you are always hearing about. Shit, all you gotta do is pay attention, how hard is that? Some of them fellars is making more money in one game than I made in a season and they can’t bother to pay attention to what the coach want’s ’em to do? Now I know fines don’t get their attention like it did in my day, making as much money as most of ’em do, but once again telling that fellar to take a seat on the old pine ’til after the mindfog clears might grab ’em by the short hairs. If they got any pride anyways, which sometimes I wonder about. Now in my day there weren’t nobody disliked taking direction worse then me (well there was a few but not all that many), but they hire folks like Mr. Dierker to give directions and they got a right to expect they”ll be followed when they’re given. Nobody ever said you gotta like everything about playing this game, it is a job after all.
But then again, it ain’t purely the players fault either. Way I understand it, Mr. Dierker is a fan of “let ’em play” with all that everyone’s got a green light on the base paths shit. Come the playoffs ol’ Mr. Dierker wants to take a more active hand and he’s surprised ain’t no one paying any attention? Well Mr. Dierker, the way to keep their attention is to expect it more than once every ten games or so. Wouldn’t hurt to give them ballplayers signs just to keep ’em looking for the damned things. Come on Mr. Dierker, they’re paying you to be in charge of that ballclub, if you just want to sit and watch ’em play I’m sure there’s a place back up there behind a microphone waiting for you.
Last thing I wanna deal with in this here piece is fundamentals. Now I realize this probably ain’t the right point in the season to address fundamentals, all this crap shoulda be covered in spring training anyways. The ballplayers today can do some things we never even dreamed of but brother are they weak on fundamentals. Biggest things come to mind is buntin’ and slidin’. Where in hades did the hook slide go? I seen several times last season with guys doin’ them fancy little pop up slides directly into a tag. They say the pop up let’s ’em get a leg up on the next base if the ball gets a little misplayed. Well, I say the next base ain’t gonna do you any damned good if you’re out at this one. The hook slide has become a lost art and it would serve a team well if they could find it again. If’n none of the current coaches remember how it’s done I’m sure Mr. Virdon could remind them. He’s one helluva baseball mind, not much gets past that fellar.
Same thing goes for buntin’ a runner along. I never seen such a piss poor job of advancing the runner with a bunt in all my life. It ain’t just he Astros either, I’ll bet there ain’t ten guys in the majors can bunt a runner over nine times out of ten. Ain’t nobody likes to do that sort or thing but that’s why they call it a sacrifice, you’re giving your own ass up for the good of the team. Instead of seeing all them dingleberrys trying to hit one over the train during BP they ought to be out there practicing laying one down. Team would be better for it.
Now I expect I lost some of you in the second paragraph and I expect a number of the rest of the lackeys can’t wait to blast the old codger in the TZ. Makes no difference to me cause I already earned my place, but one thing you might want to keep in mind. The truth generally hurts.
Anyways, that’s how I see it.