Bank One Ballpark Chase Field

Thursday, May 24, 8:40p.m. CDT – FSN
Friday, May 25, 8:40p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, May 26, 8:40p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, May 27, 3:40p.m. CDT – KNWS

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Thursday
Wandy Rodriguez (2-3, 3.99) v. Micah Owings (2-1, 4.96)

Wandy’s fortunes with the W/L Gods have changed recently. From repeated hard luck loser to winner of his last 2 starts, thanks to decent run support and a lack of the “Wandy-Inning” (patent pending!).
Other than Livan Hernandez and Scott Hairston (both 2 for 2, each with a homer), the D-Backs haven’t done much against Wandy. Byrnes, Young, and Jackson all have a hit off him, but minimal damage otherwise.
(edited to fix my accidental Giants coverage… Sorry to bring back nightmares of Omar Visquel’s vacuum-like glovework)

Owings got shelled in his last start, at Pittsburg. He gave up 7 earnies in 2.2 innings against the Pirates, including two bases loaded walks. He faced Houston earlier this year out of the bullpen, and pitched 1 1/3 innings and gave up one run.
Berkman and Biggio both got hits off of him. Berkman’s double drove in Biggio. 4 other Astros have faced him, and they’re all 0-1.

Friday
Woody Williams (1-6, 5.52) v. Randy Johnson (2-2, 4.54) Edgar Gonzalez (1-2, 4.81) probably.

Woody has his quality start streak come to crashing halt against the Rangers in his last start, getting shelled and leaving the game before he completed 5 innings. For reasons I don’t understand, Woody tends to pitch up in the zone a lot. When you’re throwing 80ish miles an hour, that seems like a recipe for disaster… Or at least for burnt popcorn. Hopefully he can right the ship again against the D-Backs.
Eric Byrnes(4-9), Conor Jackson (5-14, 2 dingers), Chris Snyder (5-15), and Chad Tracy (8-28, 2 dongs) all tune up pretty good on Woodrow. Tony Clark (6-26) and Orlando Hudson (3-18) haven’t done much. Thank God Livan Hernandez isn’t pitching against Woody today, he goes 3 of 7 against Woody with 3 RBIs.

If you’re like me, you’re wearing a cumberbund and nothing else. Also, you’re wondering who the hell Edgar Gonzalez is. So are most of the Astros, except for Adam Everett. He is sporting a shiny 8.10 ERA in the month of May, 3 runs in 3.1 innings of bullpen work. If ever there was a game the Good Guys SHOULD win, its this one. Assuming that Livan Hernandez doesn’t pinch hit with the bases juiced, of course.
 The Good Guys have had a lot of success against Edgar in limited numbers. Adam Everett is 4 for 6 with 3(!!!!!!) home runs. Carlos Lee is 1 for 1 with an RBI. Mark Loretta is 2 for 3. Berkman is 2 for 5. Everyone that has faced him has a hit off him, but those are the ones that stand out. Bidge is only 1 of 5 against him. But, he’ll be fine.

Saturday
Chris Sampson (4-4, 3.31) v. Brandon Webb (3-3, 3.86)

What can you say about Chris Sampson? Guy has done everything you could possibly ask of him. He goes out, throws strikes, keeps the ball down, and keeps the Good Guys in games. He should be 6-2 by my count, but run support has been hard to come by.
 It has been feast or famine for the D-Backs against Chris. Chad Tracy (3-3, 3 doubles), Chris Young (3-4, 2 solo homers) had a good game against Sampson in Houston. Byrnes (1-3) and Snyder (1-3) both tallied singles. Everyone else that faced him, 0’s. Not too shabby, I’d say.

Oh how I hate Brandon Webb. Every pitch he throws looks like that funky Albers slider from the other night that JD said looked like a Whiffle ball. I have to believe that even Webb doesn’t know exactly where his pitches are going. Just that they are filthy.
 Carlos Lee (8-15), Mark Loretta (7-22),and Jason Lane (2-3) hit Brandon pretty well. After that things get dicey. Everett is 4 for 16, Iceberg is 2 of 12, Twinkie is 2 of 17, Officer Brad is 1 of 15, and Bidge is a miserable 1 of 21. On the plus side, Bidge’s one hit was a home run. The Muppet Messiah is 0-4 against Brandon, but don’t tell ESPN!

[b]Sunday[/b]
Roy Oswalt (6-3, 3.04) v. Livan Hernandez (4-2, 3.66)

Roy managed to turn a victory in to a loss in San Fran, pissing away a massive 2 run lead in the middle innings. I suspect that Roy can bounce back from the devastating loss, but we’ll just have to see. He has such a fragile ego, I’m not sure that 2 run single by Slo-Mo-lina is something he’ll ever recover from.
 The D-Backs haven’t had a ton of success against Roy. Chris Young (2-3), Chris Snyder (2-5), and Steven Drew (3-9) are the only real success stories. Livan Hernandez has a hit off Roy in four trips, la-de-dah. Byrnes (3-12), Tracy (4-18), and Orlando Hudson (2-13) join a not-so-exclusive club of guys that struggle against Sparky.

Giveaways this series …

Saturday visors and Sunday kid hats. Who Cares?

]Injury Report

Houston –

No new DL moves. Jennings should be activated soon, but he won’t pitch until after this series is over.
Giminez still is resting his torn labia.
Backe is still chomping at the bit, but won’t be back any time soon.

Brad Lidge went to Houston for a MRI on his knee. I’m sure it was Albert Pujols’ fault somehow.

D-Backs –

Jeff DaVavnon was just sent from the 15 day DL to the 60 day with some form of shoulder injury.
Chad Tracy is on the 15 day DL with a rib injury.

Not on the actual DL, but on the day to day list:
Randy Johnson will miss his Friday start with tendonitis in his throwing arm.
Chris Young has a strained vaginerrrr groin, but should be ready to play at some point in this series.

Our Interesting Things To Look For

[list][li] Hopefully the injury bug isn’t contagious. The D-Backs are struggling with a multitude of day-to-day injuries.

[/li][li] A new Astro-Killah is born. Chris Young (No, not Chris Young or even this Chris Young… Yeah, THAT Chris Young), bitter and pissed due to Houston completely ignoring him in the draft despite his 100 HR a season potential in Minute Maid Park, will probably run roughshod on the Good Guys again. Hopefully his groin injury keeps him in check until the series is over. [/li]

[li] The triumphant return of Morgan Ensberg… For at least one at-bat, it looked like maybe the MoBerg that actually swings the bat more than once a game had decided to return from his Fortress of Solitude. Course, he grounded into a double play his next at bat, so maybe there will be some kind of home run hitting/walking/double play hitting hybrid Ensberg (Caption to this picture: That’s right where the ball I dove for Wednesday night bounced off my glove) this go round. Or maybe Loretta will take over and everyone can just be happy (except Paul). [/li]
[/list]
 
And now, my open letter to the Houston Astros:

Dear Astros,
 STOP TAKING FUCKING STRIKE 3 YOU BUNCH OF SLAPDICKS!

 Love,
  Zipp’s Lackey
p.s. Jason Jennings, I apologize again for the laxative laced brownies Alkie sent you. I told him it was a bad idea but he wouldn’t listen. Who knew you could strain a tendon in your arm on the shitter.

Discuss today’s game in the  GameZone, but be nice to the Clarks. Those other Astros Message Boards are just too rough for their delicate sensibilities.