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April 2010 Spike and Star Award Winner

Posted on May 6, 2010 by Noe in Austin in Featured, Monthly Awards

potmThe winners or better yet, winner, of the April Spike and Star Award for the month of April in 2010 has been chosen.  It was not a good month for the team overall, suffering some of the worse performance by the team in perhaps all it’s history.  Two eight game losing streaks, un-timely hitting, lots of miscues on defense, some relief pitching gone awry, just overall lousy play.  Yet through it all, at least one player emerged from it all not only performing to great standards, but displaying the hard nosed attitude and passion in doing so.  Who might this player be?  Well, let’s not wait any longer to honor the man.

April 2010 Spike Award Winner

Michael Bourn has been elected the deserving one of the Spike Award this month by the TalksZone citizenry.  The masses have spoken and the SnS agrees, very good choice.  Often it’s said that if we were to chose the one action that we would expect from a Spike winner it would be running through a wall for the team.  Many players have reputation of doing such and some player look like they’d be the type, but with Michael, it is that he just goes out and does it night in and night out.  His ability to play defense at a level that puts him in the stratosphere of the best of the best just proves he is going to be tough to beat every month as the perpetual winner of the award.  Then again, if everyone played defense like Bourn, this team wouldn’t be in the dire situation it finds itself in terms of winning ballgames.

April 2010 Star Award Winner

Michael Bourn swept the SnS awards this month as he was the overwhelming choice for the Star award this month by the TalkZoners.  Again, the SnS agrees with the choice as does the statistical evidence.  Michael led the starters on the team in batting average in April to the tune of .311, while posting a .407 OBP and a .387 SLG percentage.  Bourn also stole 9 bases, several of which contributed heavily to rare wins by the team who struggled offensively in April.  His 23 hits in 21 games in April was impressive as he continues to use what he learned last year and applied to an everyday approach for success at the major league level.  Michael did have a high number of strikeouts in April, not many of which were about being a free swinger though.  He had a stretch where he looked like he was taking too many pitches in order to comply with the duties of a leadoff man and that got him behind in most counts leading to the high strikeouts.  He’s seemed to have made an adjustment and remains aggressive but controlled with his approach as the leadoff man.  Right now, Bourn is on pace to be the lone Astros representative in the All-Star game and if the SnS Star Award is a launching pad for said recognition, all the better.

Ugh.

Posted on May 5, 2010 by JackAstro in Game Recaps

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Snakes 1
Astros 0

W: Kennedy (2-1) | L: Oswalt (2-4) | S: Qualls (6)

Astros.com Wrap

What a pile of suck that was. Justin Upton hit one big-ass solo tater, and that was it for the scoring in this turd. The offense continues to find new and exciting depths of ineptitude, netting the second 8-game skid of the young season. By far the best thing that happened in this game was Feliz and Q teaming up to pick Chris Young off of third, so here’s that.

Also…

Sacrifice

Posted on May 3, 2010 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

D-backs 9, Astros 1
W: Cesar Valdez, L: Felipe Paulino

Astros recap

This team is getting harder to watch. I sit at the game, at home, or in a bar and just want to do something that will help them get from worst to bad. I have low expectations of this team. I understand they are not the most talented, but at times they are just hard to watch.

My main ray of sunshine on this team is Michael Bourn. Most of you know he’s my favorite player. I worry that whatever is effecting Berkman, Lee and Pence will eventually contaminate him.

I want so badly for Bud Norris and Felipe Paulino to use this season to become better pitchers. I still have hope for them.

The level of frustration I am currently feeling is mind-boggling. I have not figured out why I get this frustrated when I know this team is bad. But seriously, 1 run scored in each of the last 3 games? It is enough to make me start using unladylike words.

So, while I have no expectations of this team being a good/great team, I have expectations of them just being bad not the worst. In the 2004 season, I started watching Major League almost every day. The days I did not watch it, the Astros lost. I’m going to figure out what I can do to help make my team bad. You should try it too.

Things you should read are the GameZone and Taras Series Preview.

Arizona at Houston: Plenty of Good Seats/Shit Available

Posted on May 3, 2010 by Taras Bulba in Series Previews

The shitty, cellar dwellers of the West Division Arizona Diamondbacks roll into Houston to take on the really shitty Houston Astros, cellar dwellars extraordinaire who have splatted out six in a row in grand style, without even Senator Carl Levin to yell at them.  Atlanta was the latest team to have their way with your home town team, outscoring them 21-4 in the sweep which featured wayward pitching, pedestrian defense, and lots of swishing around at the plate.  As bad as a bunch of Kansas City faggots?  Not quite.  At least those boys know how to turn on a ball.  Anyway, it’s a four game shit sandwich and we’ve all got to take a bite.

Pitching Matchups:

Monday, May 3rd at 7:05pm

Cesar Valdez, RHP (0-0, 0.00) v. Felipe Paulino, RHP (0-3, 5.40)

The D-Backs are calling up Valdez to start in place of Kris Benson who got hit with a purse or something.  Valdez was Arizona’s minor league pitcher of the year in ’08 but sort of sucked last season though he has been pretty good thus far in April.  Since this is his debut and it’s against Houston, look for a lot of weeping and hugging and hand wringing from the Astros hitters.  He’ll be opposing Paulino who has great shit and feels pert as a ruttin’ buck and all but tends not to locate at some really unfortunate junctures in games allowing the opposition to run around the bases a lot.  “Patience” seems to be the word of the day when it comes to Paulino, but it would be nice if he could sorta kinda start figuring this shit out a little.  Wouldn’t hurt, Felipe.

Tuesday, May 4th, 7:05pm

Ian “Nigel” Kennedy, RHP (1-1, 4.45) v. Roy Oswalt, (2-3, 2.73)

MLB.com says that Kennedy has pitched a lot better than his record indicates.  Well, that should make him as happy as a puppy with two dicks now that he’ll be facing the nancy boys in Houston.  But, he’ll have to hold on just a damn minute because there’s no doubt that Roy has a big case of the Red ass after losing to Cincy last week and he’ll be out to set things right.  Trouble is, he didn’t pitch that bad in the loss, but had no support behind him.  No guarantee he’ll be getting it on Tuesday, either.

Wednesday, May 5th, 7:05pm

Rodrigo “Neville” Lopez, RHP (1-1,4.50) v. Brett Myers (1-2, 3.82)

Lopez throws a lot of junk and is wily and skulks around and will sneak a knife on the field and that kind of shit.  He was a non-roster invitee that won a spot in the rotation, so that says something for him.  Or, that Arizona is shit out of luck, one or the other.  He’ll be going against Myers who has been pretty steady and hasn’t lost his shit even once this season, though I’m predicting something gets thrown or kicked by the All-Star break.

Thursday, May 6th, 7:05pm

Dan “Percival” Haren, RHP (3-1, 4.50) v. Wandy Rodriguez (1-3, 3.64)

Haren has reportedly had control issues this year, both on the mound and with his bowel movements, so he’s working on getting his shit together.  All in all, he’s still the dominant pitcher of last season and a damn good hitter, too.  Wandy has had back spasms of late blamed on mechanics and over reliance on hot coffee enemas.  He’s trending a little better in his last several starts, so hope springs eternal if you’re an Astro.

Injury Report

Arizona:

Kris Benson: right shoulder strain (a Gucci purse will do that, Kris).

Conor Jackson: strained hamstring.  Serves you right, you cocky little shit.

Miguel Montero: torn meniscus despite an outstanding name.

Leo Rosales: stress fracture in foot.  Ignorant bastard.

Brandon Webb: shoulder stiffness complicated by piles and the Yellow Jack.

Houston:

Alberto Arias: done with a torn rotator cuff.  Go make yourself a fucking sandwich or something, Alberto.

Chris Johnson: strained intercostal.  What a load of horseshit–get your ass up and run, Johnson.

Wandy Rodriquez: back spasms my ass.  Pitch or be deported.

Giveways:

Tuesday is “Two for Tuesday” or some other lame ass bullshit.  Otherwise, Pam ain’t giving away shit due to being away at another conference for busy executives or something.

Astros team president, Pam Gardner (front row, far left) at a recent organizational sales retreat.

Other items:

Mills is dicking around with the lineup, moving Lee to third and other stuff.  Couldn’t hurt.  Maybe an animal sacrifice or a return to a lard enriched diet at the post game spread would be worth a try.

Dave Clark is teaching the outfielders how to jump up and catch balls going over the fence or going off the fence and such.  Next week’s topics: how to hit the cutoff man and correct etiquette for requesting a happy ending in Milwaukee.

Manzella has been booting balls a lot and Mills decided to sit him.  “Hey, Tommy: if you want to kick balls around, Round Rock is a damn good spot for doing it.”  Not really.  Everett had a bit of a tough time the first time that he got called up, so it’s not unexpected for Manzella to struggle.  Still, it would be a good thing if Tommy could kind of get his shit together.

I suggest both Red Stripe and Modelo Especial for outdoor patio drinking sessions this time of year.  They go good with practically anything, excepting Skyline Chili.  For that, I recommend strychnine.

Richard Boone was a highly underrated actor.  Watch him in opposite Paul Newman in “Hombre” and you’ll see a humdinger of a performance.

I took the missus to see Chelsea Handler a few weeks ago and I’m pretty sure that I was the oldest person there, at least the oldest straight male, represented in shockingly low numbers.  Lots of good looking twenty and thirty something females all dressed up and giggly from a few too many Cosmos.  If you were a young heterosexual male and stationed yourself outside the exit as the show ended, it would have been similar to bears catching salmon swimming upstream.  

There’s a helluva baseball team in Austin right now–the Longhorns have been beating the shit out of everyone–they’re now over 20 wins in a row.  Look for crowd shots at Omaha featuring JimR. and MRaup shirtless, holding John 3:16 signs.  Or, maybe just holding on to something cold and frosty in a cup that tastes like summer and baseball and good times.

Astros got no alibi, they’re ugly

Posted on May 2, 2010 by MusicMan in Game Recaps, News

Astros at Braves, 5/2/2010
Braves 7, Astros 1
W: Lowe (4-2) L: Norris (1-3)

U-G-L-Y. That’s all you can say about this one.

The only highlight of the game was a bizarro-world DP in which Berkman intentionally dropped a bunt with runners on 1st and 2nd, got the force at 2b, and then a tag of the runner going to 3b. Even more bizzare was that DoRay and Berkman all knew that the infield fly rule is not in play on a bunt attempt. Just your typical 3-6-5 DP.

Of course, this was after the Braves had already scored 3 in the frame, making it 4-0 and putting the game out of reach. The Braves made Norris pay when he was wild, plating 3 of their 4 walks. Norris continued to get little in the way of defensive help, as opposing teams continue to show that you can go 1st to 3rd on the Astros at will. Bourn did make a nice diving stab in CF to start the 5th to keep the damage to 7 runs instead of 8, and Fulchino and Lyon looked good in relief.

Emphemera, tidbits, and things just to keep me interested in yet another blowout:
– the Astros have been outscored 37 to 12 in the last 6 games;
– the Atlanta organist played “Bo(u)rn to Run”, which I think passes for high wit in the world of at-bat music;
– Jeff Keppinger and Michael Bourn lead the team in slugging, coming in at 59th and 62nd, respectively, in the NL among qualifying hitters;
– Gas Can came in just to stay sharp, which will happen when you sweep a crappier opponent as you come off a 9-game losing streak;
– Gas Can has apparently finished puberty, as he is now sporting a full beard in celebration of his announced retirement.

Astros come home to face the Diamondbacks, last seen getting swept by the Cubs.

ohnowesuckagain

Saturday Go-To-Meetin’

Posted on May 2, 2010 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

Astros 1, Braves 10
Contributed by 94CougarGrad

WP: Hudson (2-1)
LP: Rodriguez (1-3)

Astros Recap

After yesterday’s abysmal loss to the Braves- who, before playing the Astros, had been on a 1-9 skid and have now won 2 in a row- Brad Mills talked to his team. While what gets said in the clubhouse stays in the clubhouse, let’s hope it was enough to remind the team that they do, in fact, know how to play baseball.

Wandy struggled, serving up 5 runs- three unearned- on ten hits and a walk. But although it sure as Hell didn’t help, what did the Astros in wasn’t necessarily the pitching. When you combine a lackluster offensive effort and a horrible defensive effort, you get an embarrassing loss. The Braves’ 2 runs in the third inning were enough to secure the win, but the icing on the cake came in the 5th inning. Mills summed it up afterwards: “We gave them six outs there in the fifth inning, which is awful tough.” I’ll admit, I didn’t see the game, but the Comical’s description of the inning made the Astros sound worse than the Keystone Cops.

There ain’t much else to say, folks. It was worse than bad. The final game of the series is today at 12:35. Let’s hope that whatever it was that Mills said to the team after the game was enough to encourage some kind of effort out of the Astros.

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