By Craig the BastardHmmm. 1-14 on the road, visiting the team with the best ERA in baseball. Right after getting fucked in both ears by the Braves.
No, this is not going to end well.
When:Monday, May 9, 6:05 p.m. CDT ? FSSW, ESPN
Tuesday, May 10, 6:05 p.m. CDT ? FSSW
Wednesday, May 11, 6:05 p.m. ? FSSW, ESPN2
MLB Extra Innings ? Monday and Wednesday?s games will be on both ESPN and the MLBEI Florida feed. Tuesday?s game will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast.
Where: Dolphins StadiumThe Florida Legislature just took a huge steaming dump on the Marlins? retractable-roof stadium plans, so owner Jeffrey Loria is looking to skip town. More on that at the bottom of the page.
The Fish are 17-11, a game and a half back of the Braves. They?ve got the best team ERA in the game, and Dontrelle Willis is making the league his bitch. He?s given up 5 earned runs in 42 innings.
So good luck with that.
Projected Matchups
Roger Clemens (1-1, 1.29) v. A.J. Burnett (3-2, 2.72)Several Fish have seen a lot of Roger, but only Carlos Delgado and Juan Encarnacion have done much. Jeff Conine has two homers in 33 AB against Clemens. Paul Lo Duca only has two AB against Clemens, but he?s 2-3 with a homer.
The question is whether any other Astros can hit. Or at least get on base for Roger to knock in. Biggio and Bagwell have both had success against Burnett; Biggio is 5-for-12 with a homer. Anyone else who wants to pick up a bat is welcome to join in.
Brandon Backe (2-2, 6.81) v. Brian Moehler (1-1, 2.19)Backe has pitched a couple of innings against the Fish, but has no record against them. Current Marlins are 2-for-11 against him. In Backe?s last outing, he gave up seven earned runs in 5+ innings.
Brian Moehler?s mugshot on ESPN still has him in an Astros cap, even though he only pitched 13 innings for us two years ago. Jeff Bagwell is 0-for-10 against him, so it sounds like Shoulder Resting Day to me. Palmeiro is also 0-for-10, though Berkman is 3-for-7 and Lamb is 2-for-4.
If we can?t get to Moehler today, maybe we could at least give him the flu or pneumonia or something for old time?s sake. We?ll tell him Doug Brocail says hello.
Roy Oswalt (4-3, 4.30) v. Dontrelle Willis (6-0, 1.07) This looks like a great match-up until you remember the Astros travel with wiffle bats. Roy looked pretty fucking bad in his last start, when he got torched by the Braves for seven runs in five innings. The Marlins bat well against him also, as current Fins are 24-for-79 (.304) against Roy. Only two homers though. Marlins to watch out for today include Pierre, Gonzalez, and Encarnacion. Probably Delgado too ? he hasn?t seen Roy before, but I have a hunch the first meeting won?t be pleasant.
Dontrelle Willis is 1-1 against the Astros with an ERA pushing 5. However, he?s also looking like the stud of the league this year at 6-0, 1.07. Our best hitter against him is Berkman at 4-for-7, and the next-best is Adam Everett at 2-for-5 with a homer. You can pretty much guess the rest.
Key injuries:
Houston ? Jeff Bagwell has been available for pinch-hitting, though his shoulder stayed behind on the road trip and will rejoin the Astros in Houston.
Florida ? Reliever Guillermo Mota is on the DL with an elbow thing.
Other shit? The good part about the Marlins losing their new stadium is that Vegas thinks it?s going to land those Fish. Las Vegas has the best mayor in the world ? Oscar Goodman.
The Link (He goes everywhere with a showgirl on each arm.)
He?s determined to get an MLB team in Vegas, and Oscar always gets what he wants. Always. I?d put money on that bet right now; the next franchise that moves is going to land in Vegas. And you can bet they won?t be called the Marlins. At least not anymore.
? This Wednesday, May 11, will be the 35th anniversary of my first Pee Wee League game in Lubbock. We had our pictures taken after the game, and in the background of my team photo, you can see dark purple clouds on the horizon. About three hours later, the famous Lubbock tornado hit. Of course, it was really my speed on the basepaths that kicked up the storm.
? Oh, and speaking of Vegas, you?ll remember that a few weeks ago I met an off-duty prostitute at one of my darts matches. Well, I?m happy to report that she?s becoming a regular spectator on league nights, and even bought matching T-shirts for my whole team. From the brothel where she works.
