By Craig the Bastard
The Astros finally strung together some hits Tuesday and pulled out a split with the Braves. Should have swept them, but oh well. Maybe putting Jason Lane in the clean-up spot will get things going.
The Brewers just got swept by the Dodgers, several of them have the flu, and they?re starting a three-city road trip. Ah-choo. If Geoff Jenkins is going to do any yakking this week, it?s probably going to be on the dugout floor.
When:
Wednesday, April 20, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSSW
Thursday, April 21, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSSW
MLB Extra Innings ? We?ll get the Fox Southwest broadcast for both games. So no sausages for you.
Where: MMPUS
Wednesday they?re giving away Astros Wildcard Playing Cards, which sounds pretty decent. If someone can snag a deck for me, I?ll return the favor by getting you the most ridiculous set of Vegas cards I can find. Or if I can?t find any, I?ll get you a parking stub from a titty bar.
On Thursday the special at MMPUS is $1 hotdogs. Don?t eat after any Brewers.
Projected Matchups
Ben Sheets (1-2, 3.38) v. Roy Oswalt (2-1, 4.50)
Sheets is 8-4 against the Astros, and Oswalt is 8-4 against the Sausages. We have one excellent hitter against Sheets, and he?s got that injured knee. Meanwhile, Biggio, Ausmus, and Palmeiro are all below .200 against him (though three of Biggio?s seven hits were homers). Morgan Ensberg is 0-for-fucking-10 against Sheets, while Mike Lamb is 3-for-8 with a homer. But Sheets has the flu, so who knows what to expect. Hurling, I guess.
Geoff Jenkins, the Brewers? best hitter against Roy, has the flu too. Junior Spivey is 4-for-11 against Roy; Lyle Overbay is 1-for-12. Since everyone on the Brewers is sick, I think Roy will have a dominant game, and I hope he wears a surgical mask. Hell, I hope disinfects the mound every time he goes out.
Doug Davis (2-1, 3.63) v. Andy Pettitte (0-1, 3.44)
Davis is 1-5 against Houston in nine appearances. Our hottest hitter against Davis is, you guessed it, Lance Berkman. But Adam Everett is 6-for-14 and Morgan Ensberg is 5-for-16. Oddly enough, Jeff Bagwell is 2-for-21 (.095) against Davis, so it might be time for a day off.
Pettitte is 3-2 against the Brewers with a 4.28 ERA. Chris Magruder (their last outfielder) has been starting in Jenkins? spot, and he?s gone 4-for-6 against Pettitte. Jeff Cirillo is 13-for-28 with two homers.
Key injuries:
Milwaukee ? Geoff Jenkins, Ben Sheets, and other Brewers have the flu or something. Symptoms include severe energy loss and head and chest congestion. I had that shit earlier this winter and it sucked ass. Plus my insurance didn?t cover any of it.
Houston ? Roger Clemens got popped by a line drive, but he seems to be OK. Berkman?s still eyeing rehab.
Other shit
? So if Ben Sheets has the flu or something, what if he?s contagious? If he is, then that means every time he pitches a ball and it gets fouled off into the crowd, someone?s taking home the flu. Be sure to take it to Show and Tell.
? That was quite a bolt by Taveras yesterday. He struck it with authority. Sure would be nice if could pop one of those every once in a while.
