By Craig the Bastard
That was one steaming turd of a roadtrip, but it was nice seeing Jason Lane appoint himself ambassador to Cincinnati. If he keeps it up, we may have to start calling him ?Skyline? or something. But now we?re a game back of the fucking Reds, and you know what that looks like.
So now we come home for two quick two-game series against the ATL and Brewers. The Braves are 6-6, two games behind division-leading Washington. Heh. Closer Dan Kolb blew two games last week. Mike Hampton has a 0.82 ERA after three starts, and only one win to show for it. Dude has also allowed one run or less in 10 of his last 17 starts. But we don?t see him this series.
Upcoming Series
When:
Monday, April 18, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? KNWS
Tuesday, April 19, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSSW
MLB Extra Innings Viewers ? No broadcast Monday, though I guess we can pick it up on TBS. Happy Monday. Tuesday?s game is on MLBEI on the Fox Sports Southwest feed.
Where: MMPUS
The first 10,000 fans in both games of this series will get a free ? sit down now ? a free Roger Clemens All-Star Game program. Because you want to remember that.
Projected Matchups
Game 1
Tim Hudson (1-0, 1.38) v. Roger Clemens (1-0, 0.64)
Only a few Astros have ever faced Hudson, but collectively they?re 24-for-71 against him. No homers though. Leading the pack is Orlando Palmeiro, who is 12-for-29 (.414) against Hudson. And Brad Ausmus, believe it or not, is 5-for-13 (.385). Which is almost certainly the last time you?ll see the number .385 associated with the word ?Ausmus?.
Clemens has been lights-out so far this season, but he?s had to provide his own run support. If no one else is going to help out, maybe Lance Berkman?s church could at least wash his Hummer or something.
Of all the Braves? 148 at-bats against Roger, Julio ?Federal League? Franco has more than half of them. But he only goes .216. Raul Mondesi is also 5-for-14 against Clemens. Wait a minute. Raul Mondesi? WTF? This is his fifth team in two fucking years! He?s been to more shitholes than Foghat?s tour bus.
Well if anyone on the Astros will swing the damn bat, we should win this one. Hopefully Roger doesn?t have to do it himself again.
Game 2
John Thomson (1-1, 3.46) v. Brandon Backe (0-0, 3.97)
Thomson is 3-4 against the Astros in his career, with a 6.95 ERA. But Bagwell and Ensberg are a combined 5-for-28 against him, though Bagwell does have two homers. Biggio, Viz, and Everett have all had some success against Thomson.
Backe?s only pitched one regular-season inning against the Braves, but he also had the excellent win against them in the Division Series. In the regular season, only three current Braves have faced him and they went a combined 2-for-5. Both of those hits were homers, coming from Mondesi and LaRoche.
Backe is also 2-for-3 with a triple this year, so maybe we?ll score some runs today. If we can get some production out of the regular RBI guys, the Astros should take this one.
Key injuries:
Atlanta? Nothing to speak of. Mike Hampton?s ERA is so small that Dan Kolb keeps tripping over it.
Houston? Lance Berkman?s knee may get a ticket to Round Rock soon for some rehab.
Other shit
? We may have had a dogshit roadtrip, but at least we aren?t the New York Yankees. The Yacht Captain threw the bats into the shower this weekend when he realized he was paying $200 million for a last-place team that looks like it?s trying to suck its own dick.
? XM Radio has a commercial now about all its MLB game broadcasts, and says anyone who doesn?t like baseball is a pussy.
